It's the end of recess week.
It feels like the end of more than that.
I know what I write about will sound childish and lame, but it is real to me.
Please don't laugh. I actually feel sentimental about all of these things.
First, I think it's time to replace my trusty Nerf Maverick.
This Nerf gun was my first and has been my primary weapon for the longest time due to its long range and sheer cool factor. It could fire further than most unmodified Nerf guns (even the rifles) and due to its rarity, became something that people recognised as belonging to Justin.
It represented me.
But after years of service, this gun has grown old. It still has awesome range, but the new Nerf disk guns have twice of that. Plus the fact that this gun tends to jam when you snap the trigger (a common reaction in stressful situations) makes it especially unreliable in the crucial moments of a battle.
These weaknesses became especially obvious in my final dual at Linda's when she used one of her new disk shooters against me. I had the upper hand, but my gun jammed as I pushed forward my advantage and her exploiting of my vulnerability allowed her to steal the victory from me.
My Maverick will hold a special place in my topmost shelf and remain an effective training gun, but it will be replaced by the Vigilon in combat, a much more reliable disk-shooting gun (the one Linda used) that I just came into possession of at Christmas.
I normally carry 3 guns to battle. Other than a long range shooter, I have a rapid firing one and a one-shot emergency sidearm. I replaced my single shooter this week as well. The new Nerf Jolt proved effective in the early stages of the epic dual with Linda. I'm looking to replace my rapid shooter with another one that has almost twice the ammo, when my birthday comes around this year.
Yes. I'm turning 24, and all I want for my birthday is a toy gun.
(Please send your donations to my sister.)
The second thing I closed a chapter on... in this case I closed the entire book... is with regards to Stephanie Brown. For a long while this girl has been to me the girl I look up to most. She's also in university, and struggling to balance her school work with saving the world outside. She's a simple fun loving girl, even though she's been through some serious struggles in her younger days, and I've come to love listening to her adventures and struggles with day to day life.
Thinking about her and waiting for the next time I see her is quite exciting and her name has appeared on my blog more than a few times.
But today I finished reading the last episode of my Batgirl graphic novel, and the series has come to a close. It was an amazing ending, but I'm left a little sad after. I'm really going to miss the stories of the ordinary girl who did extraordinary things (while maintaining her grades).
If you really need me to spell it out...
Stephanie Brown is Batgirl.
Stop laughing.
(I'm not saying she died, I'm just saying this picture is apt.)
Other than these two things...
Kevin, my dear friend from India, stayed with me over recess week.
I met him when I first went to India alone, and now he was coming to Singapore alone.
After spending all that time together, when he left on Friday, I felt so sad.
I'm sad because I might not see him for a long time.
I don't know when I'll see him again.
And I'm also a little sad because a few of my mentoring relationships have come to a close. I've not done interventions in quite a long time, but the opportunities cropped up early this semester and I took them and helped a friend or two in need.
But now that they are no longer struggling, I am reminded of the most painful part of doing these kinds of interventions.
When you help someone when they are in need, you are emotionally closer to them because they are vulnerable. But when they are back on their feet, the closeness is no longer there and you need to step back as there is no reason for you to be so close. Especially with someone of the opposite sex.
It's like being a superhero and saving someone. After that, you have to leave to look for the next one to help because your job doesn't allow you to take root. After all, how can a masked vigilante have a proper friendship with someone? (It didn't work out for Stephanie Brown and Robin's relationship, as he could not reveal his real identity to her.)
Of course I have the advantage of not wearing a mask, but in the same way, the context has changed and there is no reason for me to be that close to someone. So I need to back off and build the friendship the slow way. (Refer to the fox picture.)
That backing off is a little sad too. Because it always hurts to drift apart.
But it's the right thing to do.
I took a long walk alone yesterday with nothing but the sea breeze carrying me on.
I may talk like a boy. But I don't feel like one anymore.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually becoming a man.
More so now that my comic books have run out, my childhood toys need to be retired, and I'm beginning to take responsibility for the people around me more and more.
Oh Lord, I remember my prayer to you.
Give me the strength I don't have.
