My Love Goes Free

The greatest moment for me during my holiday at Kapalai, was not when I went scuba diving, or when I swam with turtles, or flew 3 kites in the middle of the sea, or watched the sun set behind the mountains.

It was during the flight back, when my sister rested her tired head on my shoulder.

She's leaving this wednesday night. She'll be gone 10 months. 

I'll miss her.

Go Fly Kite

Seeing that the wind was kicking up late this afternoon, dad and I went to the field nearby to attempt flying my big-ship kite.

It made its virgin/maiden voyage.


Eventually the wind died, the kites fell, and I began dismantling the ship.

But dad stopped me.

I was thinking to myself, "There's no way you can fly such a heavy kite in still air, so what are you thinking of doing?"

Dad held the giant ship-kite up and walked all the way home with it.

Well it did make every head turn- from the kite flyers to the joggers to the random people on the bus. You could say dad stopped traffic.

He was really proud to carry such a kite.

And for me, standing next to him... I was really proud too!

It might be about time...

For an overhaul.

This blog has served it's purpose, and lived out it's purpose.

Take a final few glimpses at the pink.

YA WA WA WA

I'll be honest.

My previous post on "Change" (which I wrote before the Young Adults Weekend Away) more or less sums up almost everything I learnt from the messages at YAWA. Good news is that I've been thinking ahead. Very far ahead. So while the rest of the young adults recover from the shock of truth being thrown at them, I shall talk about other activities.


Namely, a Paintball Battle Report.


11 a side, over-grown rustic jungle terrain and high powered paintball guns- this was probably the biggest paintball battle I have ever seen and ever will see. It was the epic showdown between the 2 opposing factions with the most varying methods of leadership.


The two team captains were me and Maxim.


We receded the ground while the rest of the team suited up for battle. Then we were given 5 minutes to strategize before the start of the first round. Then we began our first round.


Round 1


Round 1 objective: Getting someone from our own team to touch the enemy white flag without getting hit. Same objective given to both sides. If the result is a draw because no one can get to the white flag, the winning team is the one which collects more of the 9 red flags scattered throughout the course.

Special rules: No kill. Getting hit by a paintball does not constitute getting killed. If you can bear the pain, you can push on.


I quickly split the team into 3 different task forces.

Strike force:
Daryl, Samuel, Cyril and Jeffery formed the attacking task force with Daryl at the helm.
Objective: Capture the flag from the right flank, using the heavy overgrowth for cover.

Defensive Force:
Sam Nee lead the forward defense with Dawn and the 2 Mariannes under his command.
Objective: Hold the line, provide reinforcement to the strike force.

HQ:
I stayed with the flag along with Chris, Amanda and Dad.
Objective: Intel gathering, early warning and communication.


(Though this happened in real time, I find it easier to make an account of the events in turns.)


Turn 1

With the sounding of the loudspeaker the first round kicked off and Sam lead the defense force forward and quickly formed up the defensive perimeter line. Marianne Hui and Dawn covered the right flank while Marianne Lee took on the left. As this was a "no kill" match, the defenders would need to pump enough rounds into the attackers to make them retreat.

The Strike force began their covert advance through the right flank.

Back at HQ Amanda was stationed behind cover as the last line of defense, while Chris was sent to cover the right perimeter line and dad was to cover the left perimeter line. The perimeter was marked by a drain and gave a very long clear view of the area thus they prevented our troops from getting outflanked, the biggest concern I had.


Turn 2

The defensive line began exchanging long range shots with the front line of the enemy force, but not significant enough to identify it as a main enemy assault direction. I pushed forward to find out what the enemy movement was and helped push forward our defenders who were still lagging behind the line.

The Strike force advanced unnoticed on our right flank. I shouted for them to slow down their assault to maintain the element of surprise but in their excitement they were already too far forward to hear me. Not good. 

On HQ's side Chris advanced along the rear perimeter while dad advanced along the left perimeter. Amanda held her ground while I pulled back to dad to check out how were things on the left flank. With our main assault still untouched from the right and no sound coming from the left, I was worried this is the most likely direction of enemy assault. True enough, dad was one of the first to exchange shots with the enemy. "Someone's coming from the drain," Dad said. We were being flanked!

Turn 3

This was the decisive turn. I pushed dad forward along the left extreme to link up with Marianne Lee from the defense force. The left flank was now covered, but the line was stretched too much by Sam Nee's advance without the rest of the line. I positioned myself next to Marianne realising this is where the  firepower would be needed. If this was a small group assault, we 3 would take them, but if it was a bigger force, this would get messy.

Heavy gunfire was heard on the right flank as our strike force made their early attack on prepared enemy. I shouted to Dawn (who was on the right extreme of the defensive line) to open fire in the direction to distract the enemy from shooting our attacking force but she did not have a clear shot.

Turn 4

Marianne Lee was advancing towards the red flag ahead of her when the enemy fell upon the defense force's left flank. Maxim and Christian rushed the positions of Marianne Lee and my dad, and because of the "no kill" rule, the 2 groups ended up in a fierce point blank firing that resulted in bloody wounds (literally here). I shouted for Marianne Hui and Sam Nee (who were way ahead of us) to fire to the left and the 4 or 5 guns made quick work of the 2 attackers and they pulled back in pain and still being pelted by rounds, but not before they captured the red flag.

Firing was still heavy on the right side and news was passed that all the 4 in our own strike force had been hit and thus cannot claim the objective. They proceeded to capture red flags while pulling back.

Turn 5

With the strike force unable to capture the objective (but still able to fight), Sam Nee, captain of the defense force, made a heroic charge towards the objective. But because Marianne Lee and my dad were involved in the rear left flank battle, they were too far behind to support him and he advanced alone. Furthermore, we realised that Maxim and Christian were not the only ones in the enemy assault team- Bryan was covering their retreat and was now positioned between us and Sam Nee, cutting off our support of his charge. Marianne Hui was open to fire from Bryan and I shouted to her and opened fire on his position, which she followed suit and forced him to pull back.

Turn 6

Sam Nee, unsupported and alone, took on the full defense of the enemy defense and was cut down. Referee called for a stop to the game as most everyone had been hit by paint and were unable to capture the objective. We counted the red flags and our team had collected 4 flags while the other 2 or 3.


Either way, round 1 went to our team!!!

Round 2

The bruised, bloodied and afraid fell out, leaving only 7 on each team to play out round 2. I spoke to the organizer to do away with the "no kill" rule which was bashing us all up and he implemented instead the "re-spawning" rule for the subsequent rounds. 3 who came into this round from my group were still unscathed. Dawn, Amanda and I. But to balance out the numbers, Amanda was sent to the opposing team. We swapped sides of the field.

Objective: Touch the enemy flag.

Special Rules: Re-spawn. Anyone who gets hit is counted as dead and should not fire or be fired upon. The player would raise the weapon and head back to his or her group's base and touch the base (the barrier behind the flag) which would render him or her back in the game.

There were too few of us for any significant strategy to be used so I just placed Jeff and Cyril in defense and lead the rest of the group consisting Dawn, Marianne Hui, Samuel Soon and Daryl forward. The opponents made the first few kills and punched a hole in our line. I was left unsupported and alone and was soon taken out with a shot to the chest that did not burst on impact, and one that did on the forearm. It hurt!

The opponent was relentless in their attack and Marianne was already having to hold the line barely one bound away from our own flag, which was too close for comfort. As I made a dash to support her, I twisted my left ankle in the muddy ground and collapsed behind the obstacle next to her. She thought I was so "drama" but my whole leg was numb.

The next thing I knew, the referee declared Marianne and I dead. As I stood up I realised why- Enemy Calvin and his partner were on the opposite side of the obstacle we were hiding behind, and were just about to take us out at point-blank execution style. I hobbled back.

All of our team had fallen back to our re-spawning base and we were still being shot at by enemy closing in. We were short of ammunition and taking many hits. Our flag was within the enemy's reach and I was losing hope and knew our end was near. Under these circumstances some brave members of my team like Marianne still fought on, shooting, getting shot at close range, returning a few steps to the base and shooting again. In this way we got revived very quickly, while the enemy took a long time to, having to walk to the opposite side of the field. 

Then I saw the opportunity. There came a point that all the enemy were walking back to their base on the other side of the field to re-spawn. We could not shoot at them, but i realised they could not shoot at us either. "Now is the time to attack! They can't defend themselves!" I told the few with me. Samuel made a dash past all who were walking back. Enemy Amanda fired at him, but her shots went wide. Calvin, who had just re-spawned, opened fire too, but his gun jammed.


In a cunning and stunning counter attack, victory was snatched from the opponents as Samuel touched the enemy flag and round 2 went to us. Victory was ours again!

Round 3

Objective: Capture the central flag

Special Rules: Re-Spawn

Reduced to 5 a team, we swapped sides a final time for a battle over a single flag. In this round the winning team has to bring the centre flag to their own base. If they are shot they must drop the flag.


Knowing how the enemy territory was muddy and ours clear, and that our team members had fewer than 10 rounds each remaining, I formulated a very cunning strategy. At the start of the match, Samuel, who had left his gun at our base, made a sprint for the central flag. Carrying nothing and bounding over better terrain, Samuel took the flag before the enemy got into position and sprinted home for a stunning victory in under a minute. We screamed in elation!


Victory in yet another round went to us again! That's 3 straight wins!

Round 4

This was the final round and was a repeat of round 3's setup. We attempted the same trick, having no time to plan another strategy, but Samuel was tired and the opponent was ready. Samuel got to the flag just in time for him to get taken out with a shot to the head. Not being able to see my team mates, I crawled closer to the objective to get a clear shot. I was alone and unsupported and saw enemy Christian get up to rush for the flag. I opened fire and he tried to return fire when his gun jammed. But before I could take him out, I was hit by two rounds from the back and I rolled over in excruciating pain. 

Who in my team just shot me?!?

I looked back and to my surprise saw Maxim, who had just done a wide flank and taken out my entire team from the back. Victory went to the enemy as Christian pulled the flag back without any further hindrance.

Round 4 went to the Enemy!


And so that was paintball. Christian and Maxim were covered in bruises from their suicidal charge in Round 1, which also left dad and Marianne Lee with bleeding bruises. We had held them back, but at a high cost. My bruises were very painful, but none looked as severe. Samuel became known as the head-shot magnet because he was only shot in the mask, which meant he had no bruises. Amanda who kept behind all 4 rounds escaped unhurt.


I found the whole game fascinating because I saw how far I had come. Put me in the same position 2 years back and I would not have been able to command the way i did at this battle. But after enduring all the grueling training under my OC in the army I learnt strategy and learnt it well.


What we saw in the field was 2 forms of leadership going against each other. Maxim lead from the front, I lead from the back. With the benefit of time, planning and communication, my team could hold off any small scale attack Maxim could throw at us. He pushed the attack forward, while I waited for his first move, choosing to put command of the team over personal glory (unlike what I did the last time round) and it worked out well. I think my mistake was that I did not manage to synchronize the strike force with support from the defense force, which could have won us a clear victory in the first round. The match had to go to a tie breaking decision which was a close call.


Round 2 was a fluke. Maxim lead his force very aggressively and effectively. My team could not stand up against the raw power and aggression we faced and fell back till we were almost totally destroyed. But seeing the tiny opportunity, and Samuel acting on it (I actually just suggested it as a dying suggestion and didn't know Samuel had taken me seriously) gave us a surprise victory.


Round 3 was all strategy and good use of it. It was cunning and effective. Don't fight your enemy if you can win without doing that.


Round 4 was folly. Never use the same strategy twice in a row. After Samuel was taken out, I was tired, with hardly 3 rounds left and with a sprained ankle. I gave up communicating and leading and fought solo. That's probably what the whole team did. Maxim, who had taken his entire team's ammunition, made a flank when we were tired and stealthily took us out from the back, one by one. No one sounded off that there was an enemy behind our lines and we were all killed by the lack of communication.


What a battle. So much to learn. I realise that at the end of the day the youth spoke about who shot who and who made the most kills and no one really knew what I was doing, running back and forth behind our own lines and shouting my head off. But that's okay, I lead from the back, and accomplished not just the objective of winning the match, but giving my team, and the enemy's team for that matter, a battle that would be talked about for a long time to come. And that common binding experience of the group, was worth more than any personal glory.

Today

I saw a girl so pretty in the train I could not help staring.

She looked up and caught me looking at her.

I quickly looked away.

I don't know her.

I felt terrible.

-

I walked past a girl at the library who was staring at me.

I looked at her, and looked away.

But she kept looking my way.

I met her gaze and she smiled.

I smiled back as I walked past her.

I don't know her.

I felt terrible.

-

I sat opposite the girl with the same pencil case as me for the 3rd time.

I looked up at her.

She met my gaze.

I said hi.

We started talking.

I left the library with 4 mainland Chinese students.

I enjoyed their laughter and company all the way home.

I don't know her.

I don't know them.

But at least once today, I didn't feel terrible.

TTG Again!

Before I go, here's the week in pictures.

My Metoo found his other half while I was studying at the bras basar Natinal Library yesterday.

I really winder what was going on on behind this sign.

Nike's new line of shoes let you feel when someone steps on your toes.

Metoo was still eyeing her today. I didn't want him to be emo like me, so i brought him over and studied next to the girl who owned the other white rabbit, giving him a chance to interact with his dream rabbit.

Her owner was amused too. Metoo waved goodbye when she left. She waved back.

10:29pm

The massive jam along the CTE last night was believed to be caused by a large number of cars jamming on their brakes before the ERP gantry. Traffic was reduced to a crawl during the last minute before the ERP gantry went off at 10.30pm local time. Motorcycles stopped along the shoulder, cars filtered to the slower lanes and everyone packed closely together. Interestingly no one got upset with the jam- the only person using his horn was asking other cars to slow down.

Traffic conditions were clear after the gantry, and after 10.30pm.

Change

I've been gone a while from the online sphere and people are demanding an account of the things they have missed in my life. Indeed, I spent much of the week that I was away from the computer just trying to stop mentally summarizing things into 140 characters. Things like a sunset just cannot be confined to a tweet. Or a picture for that matter.


Being away from technology has changed me. And this break coincided with a change of mindset in my life too. I spoke much of change in my life, but this is the first time I find change I can believe in. Let's take a look at how I've changed.


First, I no longer have the cat as my favourite animal.

2 weeks ago, on my way to the driving centre I took this picture:

1 week ago when I passed by the same place, this is the picture I took:

This week on my way this was what I saw:

Alright that's it. I now conclude that cats are darn lazy.

Why did I ever like cats? Coz they are cute, coz they are emotional, coz they are free to do what they want, and coz they are unpredictable. But they are so lazy! Enough with the cats.

Still no change today. Other than sleeping direction.

Now, I have a new favourite animal. It's my new dream pet. I've heard of them before but only came into contact with them for the first time last week.

That's right. I did not spend the week riding on Zebras. In fact, Zebras are not in any way easy to tame or ride. I spent the week watching and sometimes even swimming (and diving) with turtles. Mind-blowing experience. Contrary to my expectations, these green turtles don't mind our presence and didn't run off when I swam close to them. At one time our dive instructor gave it some loose coral and it ate right off the stick he was holding, to my utter amazement. And by the way, I took the picture you see above. Underwater photography FTW!

So I tried out diving for the first time in my life. Other worldly- I'll say that again for effect- Other worldly. Now I have another thing to add to my list of things to do before I die. 

Become a certified diver.

And with gear this chic out there in the market, diving sure looks good.

Okay enough. Diving is way beyond the budget of our family (our holiday was a gift from a kind family friend) so that dream will wait till I find a rich (and chic) wife.

Which brings me to my next point, which is the point I left you, my loyal reader(s?), in suspense.


There have been links drawn between the qualities of person's dream pet and what a person looks for in a partner. Thus I think it's significant that my dream pet has changed from a Cat to a sea Turtle. This was important, and this trip had me spending much time alone thinking about my future partner.


One of the evenings dad asked us what is something we wanted individually, that we could pray for as a family. I said I wanted a crazy wife. Momma looked concerned. Crazy, I explained, in the long run, not on a day to day basis.


I wanted someone who is crazy over God, who doesn't subscribe to the values of this world, who does not need to live in comfort, who does not worry about getting her hands dirty, who does not mind going hungry, and who does not mind dying before old age takes her, all for the glory of the Kingdom of Christ. And why would I want a girl like that?

Because I myself am like that.

(Just read the last line.)

I know what I want in life.
So I know what I want in a wife.


If she believes in what I believe in, then not only will she be a support to me, but I a support to her.


But don't you start imagining that I'm on the lookout for a wife now. No. I know that chances are, I'm not going to find a wife who fits the above criteria in Singapore. I'm not saying there are none, I'm just saying if there was one, I would not be able to tell. Kinda like how you'd never be able to tell a strong swimmer just by looking at their math score. So what must I do?

While I pray for God to prepare my wife for me, I also pray (and she might be praying too) that I will be prepared for her. I need to be the man worthy of such a godly woman. And so I will strive now, becoming the man God wants me to be.


And so when I'm finally actually making a crazy stand for what I believe in (instead of just talking about it), then will the girl I'm praying for be able to see me. So I live by my code:


Don't look for a missions minded spouse back at home.
Look for a missions minded spouse in the mission field.


Don't get me wrong, I'm not gong after God so I'll get a wife. Life is not about marriage but about serving the true God. Marriage helps us accomplish it. I'm not even going to say I'm going after marriage so I'll get to God coz that's bull. I'm going after God. That's all; This is all:



But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 
-Matthew 6:33


I've given up dreaming about my future wife. She's too much of a distraction. I'm leaving my future with her in the hands that hold the future. And I'll worship Christ alone. Pray for me to not be lonely in my solitude. It's not an easy road.

Boys and their Toys

My birthday present (that I previously blogged about wanting) just arrived! Hia hia hia! Thank you Desiree! (Did you pay for it all by yourself?!?) All of you spending the weekend with me will get a chance to crack your brains with it. I'm up to point 30 out of 100 so far!

In other news.

I like toys. But I don't often buy toys. Not unless I see something really cool. Such as this:

I've been eyeing this one since the first Transformers movie came out, but it is so expensive... ARGH! If it was $30+ I would still consider it, but it's way over-priced. The name is pronounced "R.C." and I wanted it because unlike most other Transformers, when in it's vehicle form this model looks so much like a motorcycle- to the extent you might not even know it's a transformer. Now THAT is a robot in disguise.

Oh tell me that's not cool to you. Here's the ingeniously designed toy out of it's box. How in the world does it get from this to that!

Today I was out with my sister and I showed her the newest transformer that had caught my attention earlier this year. I first saw it at a NUS bazaar going at $99.

Here's what it really is:

HOW COOL IS THAT!!! It's so awesome even my sister who's no Transformer fan loves it. Mickey Mouse is in the front seat by the way, making this the ultimate cute model. And I'm impressed at how they managed to caricature a serious 3D figurine. These naughty creators at Takara Tomy were also clever enough to release it in 2 awesome colour schemes just to make you feel distress when made to choose only one. Gah!

Okay stop, enough of these collector's edition toys that are beyond my budget. But I can't! Freud calls a "drive" something that causes distress until it is relieved. How how how??


Ah ha! I spy the birthday present that I so wanted that has just arrived! I shall go relieve myself, and play with this puzzle while at it.

You know you've been studying too much when...

You look up and you're the only one left behind. And you feel lonely and cold.

Black holes begin appearing next to you.

And Riz Low's words float in the air around you.

WOAH!

It's almost 2 weeks of me not blogging about girls.

Like Kimberly said, "Justin is a changed man."


But I know what brought about the change.

I finally figured out what I was looking for in a girl.


And realized that I didn't see it in any girl close to me at this point.

So no rush, no rush.


I'd rather be single than to be in a relationship which I'm not happy in.

There's a season for everything, and now is the time to study and learn.


What am I looking for?

Tell you when I'm back.


I'm fasting from the internet and hand-phone for a week.

Tell you if I survive.

2 IM, 1 KA and 1 SI

4 movies I've wanted to watch once the exam was over. 2 have the same initials in their title.


My ranking:

1. Shutter Island
2. Ip Man 2
3. Iron Man 2
4. Kick Ass


Here's why.


Shutter island was refreshing!

It was clever, unexpected, experimental and truly disturbing. It made use of some very new techniques to portray the perspective of Leonardo's character and I was blown away. Horror movies don't terrify me as much if I know what techniques the director is using and have seen it used before. This movie used such new methods that made the plot absolutely unexpected and thus terrifying.


Ip Man 2 lived up to the oomph of first.

After studying so much about cross cultural psychology (and colonialisation), I found this movie a fine representation of the tension between the East and the West. Western masculinity is about power and brute force. Eastern masculinity is more about self restraint and humility. And the 2 schools of thought went head to head in the ring. Fantastic commentary of the larger issues!


Iron Man 2

It was good, even though I put it at number 3. A lot of scenes in the trailers were not shown in the movie, which made me feel one spoon short of a full meal. But more than that, I enjoyed the fight scenes that Scarlett Johansson was in more than any of the Iron Man fighting scenes. So yeah, I enjoyed this movie, but that was it.


Kick Ass was a disappointment.

This might have been my fault, and I'll call it the Harry Potter Effect. Basically, when a book (or a comic) is made into a movie, anyone who has read the book will have expectations that will never be fulfilled by the movie. It was a fantastic premise, but the focus on sex and violence meant that plenty of character development was lost. The girlfriend, the 2 friends, the father, Red Mist, The drug lord, Hit Girl and Big Daddy, in fact all the characters other than Kick Ass, were flat characters. There was no development in any of their characters from the start till the end of the movie. Absurdity is good, but for it to be effective there has to be a firm grounding in reality. Think Watchmen.


My goodness am I worried about "Y: The Last Man", my favourite comic book coming out as a movie who's release is pushed back to next year (though I'd rather wait 10 years and it comes out like a LOTR than it come out next year like kick ass).


Anyway, if one thing rocked about Kick Ass, it was Hit Girl.

So Kick Ass didn't Kick Ass. Now that, is good news for the upcoming Amber Mander 3.

soap

Yesterday morning, dad's long lost brother, who had disappeared for 25 years, turned up at our door.

But dad thought it was some salesperson and didn't answer the door.

My long lost uncle left without saying hi.

The Week in Pictures

Now that's a catch phrase.

For Kimeryl.

Dad's message coincided with my birthday.

I wonder if anyone noticed this perspective in the library.

Not many people can...

Send an sms to the wrong number,

Continue smsing the person after realising that it was the wrong number,

Keep the conversation going for several days,

Link the stranger up with friends,

Get added by the complete stranger on Facebook,

And one year later, receive an online birthday card from the stranger.


Yup, not many people can.

I somehow managed to though...

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