It's Munday!!!

Be Awesome Now

Don't let your worries for tomorrow stop you from being awesome today.

Identity Crisis

Where did I go wrong?

If you need someone who has the best chance of succeeding on the first try, I'm the man for the job.

If you need someone who can perform consistently well, I'm a far cry.


Here's how it's always been.

I try something new, I do well when I first time, I get complimented.

Then I commit to honing this skill, so now I get negative feedback and criticism.

Overcoming that, I improve, and continue till I am put to the test.

Sometimes, I do worst in the test after all the trainings.


Why ah?

Epic Fail

All I can say is what someone else said:

There's something strange about this picture...

Punggol

Things are changing in Punggol.

Well things always have been in progress here. But now... the "no entry" walls are coming down.

And wow... this place is beautiful.

Uncanny Celestial Being

I first saw her today in school.

No, she first saw me. 

She waved and smiled at me, and after she had passed, I was left speechless.

Later on at night, I was watching her running around.

Jumping, walking, smiling, flicking her fringe back.

She was just so full of life.

And I was in awe.

I could not take my eyes off her.

Seeing her so alive was uncanny.

I just could not believe it... 

That just last night...

I dreamt she had died.

OC

Emotions

My greatest strength... I have not been using.

Keeping it for a rainy day maybe.

But it is so under-developed.

Maybe I never had use for it.

There was never a battle worthy of such a weapon.


After long years of disuse the weapon remains but the hands that wield it grow wary.

It's time to bring out this one strength I have that has been in the shadows for so long.

I hope I can tame it. I've never been able to wield it before. I've never tried.


Alright my friends, I need to be myself, something I have not been all my life.

Not in it's fullness at least.

I am going to be true to myself, fearfully and wonderfully made and unleash everything I have repressed till now.


Dear Lord, give me the fury that Jesus had in clearing the temple grounds, and the anger that he had when he challenged the priests who were leading people astray. I know you have placed it in me. Help me let it out in the right way.

I don't want to be afraid anymore.

Not of them, and not of myself.

Vegan

It's the thought that counts right?

I brought half the sandwich to school to show off to Jon Ma, who was also eating a wholegrain sandwich, but mine had more vegetables.

Mom says I have issues.

My lunch shocked Jon Ma.

And my tea time snack made my lecture friends eating waffles feel guilty.

I feel happy today.

Mondays are worth waiting for

Looks like my Metoo pencil case!

NUS Stage

I've been offered 2 roles at the coming chamber readings, in early March, put up by NUS Stage.

I was offered the lead male role in both the plays they are putting up.


Chamber readings are different from plays in that the emphasis is less on what is done, but more on what is said. That being said, there won't be elaborate sets and the actors will have scripts in front of them during the performance. So the narrative is propelled more or less just by the script being read.

Interesting huh?


You know... had this audition taken place 3 months back... I would have only made it for one of the plays.

The first play is a comedy, and the character I'm reading for is my age in uni and talks like Shaun Kia, so it was quite easy to pull off. It's how I talk every Sunday!

The second play was something different altogether...


Imagine Justin at this very moment, at 22 years of age, getting everything he ever wanted in life. That's right- in year 2 of uni, he gets married, and has a daughter. Then fast forward 6 years to when he is 28.

That is the character I need to play.


As I read the lines, I felt for the character. Somehow I knew what he was going through, and felt the weight and pain in his words. The deep emotions that filled me felt almost... recent.


I think I've been through a lot in the past 3 months.

Maybe this play is really what I need to put my excess emotions into.


I said yes to both plays.

We're performing on the 3rd and 4th of March.

This is one performance I think I would be proud to have you see.

I am a Novice

Yesterday, amidst fever and cold and pains in my back, I asked myself why I was taking part in the following day's fencing competition.

Because... It's making use of my God given talents. And because through this I get a chance to be... A model example of a sportsman to others too. So it didn't matter if I lost, as long as I was a good participant and did my best.

Well that's easy to say...

It's a different thing when you actually start losing.

I got beaten back again and again during the group stages, losing 3 bouts and winning only one.


I took off my suit after, thinking I had been eliminated, but later found out I was ranked 43 out of 61, the second last to qualify.

I gave the opponent a good fight, but still lost.


How did the rest of the team fair? Well here's a quote from my teammate Dominique to sum it all up:

"I should not have drank so much alcohol last night."

But hey, he may have had insufficient sleep and a hangover, and he may have busted his leg muscle during a fall in the first bout he fought (he did a split like me, but didn't get back up the way I did), but he still went further than any of us. Man... that says a lot about my skill if a hungover and injured dude could do so much better than me. I guess it takes much more than a pretty blade to win at fencing.

Heh but kudos to him, my new hero- The drunken master.

I recall my loudest cheering came from my PRC friends that I made at the RJ Invites competition last December. Oh the little joys they were. And of course Florence our ever present support who actually prayed with me before my bout.

And I saw a baby rat on the way out! It was so cute I tell you! It looked like a hamster with longer tail.

Okay after all that... I realised that you only really are a model athlete when you win and then act humble right?

So what was I doing here?


I was sitting down with Dom and Jun Wei waiting for the others like Jasper to finish. Then we saw a poor random dude carrying a bag and limping out of the hall the way Dominique was. This guy had sprained his ankle.

I immediately put on my shoes and chased after him. I relieved the guy of his bag and walked with him slowly to the road where he waited for his mom to pick him up. We spoke, and laughed at the day's events. At the end, I asked him what his name was.

"I'm Justin"

I laughed.

"Me too."

As he got into the car there was an old lady walking past, pulling behind her a great big trash bin filled with rubbish from the sports hall. She looked at him entering the car and asked me in mandarin if he had gotten injured and if he was going to see a doctor. I said he might, since his mom was here to pick him. She asked me if I was his friend. I said no, but I saw him injured so helped him carry his things.

The old lady smiled at me with a most genuine smile. She may not have had many teeth, but there was no lack in sincerity as she said "Thank you" to me in Chinese, almost as if on the boy's behalf.

I smiled back, and offered to help her pull her huge trash bin.

Another dream

I went back to sleep after downing plenty of medication.

I dreamt of dad this time.

He held my head in his hands and didn't let go for a long time.

He held me close to him.

I hugged him back after a very long time, and didn't let him go either.

I began to cry.

I could hear and feel that he was too.


I could not believe that I was dreaming. It was so real. I felt everything physically and emotionally.

I woke up in a pool of tears.

Anti-Histamines

I slept 11 hours. 

I woke up with a throat so painful it hurts to swallow even water, and a fever coming on.

But my dream... my goodness.

I was at a restaurant kellong with my mom. We had walked down the steps and were under the kellong on dry land. A portion of the ground below the kellong was dry land because the tide was low. Standing at the edge of the water, we could see in the clear sea fishes and sharks.

Mom was telling me how the last time she was here with Marianne, Marianne had to go to the loo, which was across from where we were. Problem was that she took so long in the loo that the tide came in and there was no more dry ground between the toilet and the stairs, and there were sharks in the water.

As mom was talking at the edge of the water a medium sized shark approached and stuck its nose out of the water towards mom. There was a little barricade just there but mom didn't flinch. Instead, she held her hand over the shark, trying to play with it. Mind you, the shark was trying to bite off her hand. 

Soon enough, another shark came, then another. 3 sharks were now trying to bite off mom's hand, but mom was tempting them still, trying to touch their noses. When one finally managed to bite and mom said "ow!" I rushed forward and with my water bottle (it was all I had), I started hammering the sharks head.

And then I realised that the tide had risen to my knees. All hell broke loose as the sharks were no longer confined to a line and could surround me. I beat my retreat trying to make sure that none gets behind me. I was trying to figure how to knock them out instead of just beating them back only to have them come at me again.

There was fear in the dream, but I was not mastered by it. I fought the sharks courageously and felt great that I could die in such a worthy manner. In fact, I was even wondering if I was being cruel to the sharks by hitting them on their heads and whether they would have any problems associated to trauma to the head in later life.

Epic Win

Limit Break

I feel sick.

I am falling ill.

NUS Stage callbacks tomorrow.

Novices Fencing Competition in 2 days.



On the 10th day of fencing my body said to me:
"Enough, enough, enough already."

Dark have been my dreams of late

Lacking sleep after lunch, I headed to the library to do some readings.

Needless to say I could hardly keep my eyes open.

I threw my head back and closed my eyes, drifting into sleep.

Some time later...

I woke long enough to send an sms before collapsing on the table this time.

Some time later...

I woke long enough to wipe the saliva from my hands and slump back against the chair.

Some time later...

I woke long enough to send a final sms before sprawling on the table again.

About an hour had passed.

This was an unusually long period for me to sleep in an uncomfortable position.

Oh, but my dreams were so dark...


Many of my church friends were on a train and dad and I had just gotten word from Marianne, in the form of a vision she had, that all in the train were headed for death. I jumped on the train to warn the others about it.


I tried all I could to warn them, even as the train pulled out of the station. There was still time to get off, but even I knew not when the end would come. I had to jettison the train too, but I knew not exactly how much time I had left to try to convince my friends.


Samuel was on the train, and I was confident of convincing him. Even if he did not believe my logic, he would trust me as a friend. But he was debating with me with good arguments, which increasingly made my stand that we should jump off the train seem absurd.


I was ready to jump off on my own, and hopefully my example would make others do likewise. Then... then I saw people like Andrew and Amanda, my friends with potential futures ahead of them still remaining comfortably in their seats. And the idea that these friends with so much going for them are going to die prematurely tore me apart. They had to get off the train!


The train pulled into a station and everyone transferred to another train. I begged them not to because this was the best chance to get off the train line. In fact, it was easy. But... it was too easy that people didn't. My friends looked at me and said the first train that I predicted they would die on did not crash, so why should they not get on the second.


It was a good question, and I wondered, but my fear of being right outweighed any arguments my friends had. What was there to lose if i was wrong? Nothing. But if i was right, they would lose everything.


So did the train crash in the end? I do not know. I woke before the dream resolved.


Yet I took so long to really be aware of the world i was in, the library I was sleeping inside, the table i was leaning my head on. It felt like I had come from another world and I was not registering it right. My thoughts and emotions were left on the train and I was suddenly removed.


Dark were my dreams today. I looked more wary after waking than before.


These anti-histamines for the sandfly bites are messing with my mind.

How in the world did I do that?!?

Some people, during bowling, can get a split.

(That means that after the first ball impacts, only the extreme right and left bowling pins are left standing.)

It's not a good thing to get, even though it is difficult to achieve.

After all, how can the second ball hit 2 pins right?


So splits are unique...

But only Justin can do this.

Let's zoom in on this.

Here's what the monitor showed...

I had managed to hit all the other pins down with one ball, leaving only these 3 for the second.

Beat that.

2COR12:8,9,10

My right thumb still hurts from Saturday's injury.

I just found a second bruise that just appeared on my right shoulder from tuesday's fencing bout.

My shoulder is black and purple. I had to carry my bag on the other side because it hurts too much.

The bites on my forearm don't look like mosquito bites.

Mosquito bites don't swell to 5cm wide and have pus.

I have 3 on my right forearm, 8 on other limbs, and all itch like hell.


3 days to the fencing competition, and I look and feel like a train wreck.

Somehow, God has never let me compete fresh.


But I'm no longer complaining. I know that it is good for me to know I'm weak.

You see, when it comes to actual competitive sabre fencing, I've learnt that technical skills are not what matters most.

On the ground, in the fight, you have to have a keen and clear mind.

Psychologist call this "flow".


Wiki helps explain this:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.


For a while I've been trying to understand how to achieve flow.

I had it the first time I held the fencing blade and fought my first bout, and won. I had it during the opening rounds of December's competition too. I have it sometimes when I'm drumming in church, and when I do flow I don't I mess things up terribly. I had it when I played pokemon pinball and broke the record score by over 200,000,000 points, 4 times my previous record.

It's actually an awesome feeling, as though time does not matter any more. You just instinctively... flow.

 The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task.


The thing is, it is not easy to consistently achieve flow.

One cannot force oneself to enter flow or even predict when one is going to enter flow. It just happens.


So how can I fight well on Saturday? I realise that each time I've been able to flow, I've forgotten who I am and cared nothing of my own fears and failures and achievements. I just had a totally clear mind and could do amazing things.

I know I may not be able to flow on command, but I also know that the only way I might be able to achieve flow during the competition is if I do not trust in my own abilities. So I'm glad God makes me weak now, and teaches me to be dependent.

I only flow in Him.

I tend to notice things others don't

I was on a crowded train

I gave up my seat to a girl reading a book,

For no reason other than she was a girl.

I did not make eye contact with her,

But stood up in a way that allowed only her to take my seat.

I wonder if she knew how difficult it was for me to do that.


I was carrying many things and my ride was long.

But more than that, people knew what I was doing.

Some stared at this strange guy who gave up his seat for a girl.


Eventually another seat was vacated and I took it.

Then another woman entered the train and stood before me.

I began to dispair.

I was trying to make a difference, but I was but one man.

I was tired, but got ready to get up.


Then suddenly the guy next to me got up in a way only she could take his seat.

He moved towards the door, but did not exit the train at the next stop.


I smiled to myself.

My heart isn't right

On the 9th day of fencing my shoulder said to me:
"I'm battered and bruised so badly."

And honestly, I'm quite upset. I spent the weekend with a swollen thumb, and could not even use chopsticks properly. And now my whole arm hurts. The shoulder took a hit so severe I could not raise my arm after the bout and I needed help removing the jacket.

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad.

To my future wife

Until now, none of the girls I've met have been the right one for me... except maybe one of them.

The problem is that I know not which one.


In completing my article on Attraction #5 and finding Abigail, I realised (to my horror) that while I've found out what kind of woman I want as a wife, I do not match up to her standards of a husband.

Zjur zjhur zjhur!


And so I now dedicate my next year to becoming a man.

In the meantime... This is a letter to you who I may have met but know not who you are. You're hidden in faces everywhere.


"Dear nice christian potential wife,


I've been looking for you for a while now, but haven't seemed to have found you yet. Anyway, I'm just writing to let you know that I'm going to stop looking for you, and work on myself for a time instead. 


I'm doing this so that when I do meet you, I will not be a let down. I don't know how long I'll take, but please don't lose hope in me just because I'm not searching for you. Wait for me k?


Love,
Nice christian potential husband,
Justin "

Mun. Day.

I could not hold my chopsticks properly

The hazards of fencing.

I believe...

That the field of creativity and art should not be seperate from God.

It seems to have been steered in such a way that art is now associated with the secular.

I don't think that should be the way.

Much of worship is artistic in nature after all.

But how willing am I to fight for this ground?

I have my beliefs, but I am scared, so I don't do anything about them.

I am a hypocrite.

Marriage Panic

Rachel and I were talking about her eventual move out of Marianne's room.

She was going to miss my family, and I was going to miss her company.

But there was little else that we could do; it was an inevitable eventuality.


Then she suggested a way out, "Let's just get married."


Heh.

She said it in jest, and we laughed.

It's a lot more fun when I'm not the only one cracking such jokes.


But later on when I was on my own in my room, just for the fun of it, I let my mind wander along that path...

What if, instead of parting, we got married?

And oh my goodness I panicked.


Dad and mom are leaving in July, we hardly have 6 months to plan! Oh and her family and friends are in the UK, how do we send invites in time!? And I have my exams in April! And where are we going to stay after we get married? And what about Marianne whom I need to take care of? And how am I going to... to... to... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!


Most of all, I feared the sudden loss of this phase of life that I had not lived fully yet. I had just gotten used to university life, and had not begun living the way I wanted to, having a positive impact on the environment here. And if I have to plan to get married now, I just don't have the time to do what I feel so called to do this semester in NUS.


So yes, I talk a lot about marriage, but God punked me by giving me what I wanted, at least for a moment in my mind, and had me crawling back to his feet saying, "Please Lord, your will, not mine..."


He's called me and placed me right here and right now to do his will. I shall not worry about tomorrow when there are things he wants me to do today.

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot

Pathetic Fallacy

On the 8th day of fencing my right thumb said to me:
"I'm swelling and can't bend properly."

Friday posts should be impactful

5th session with coach.

On the 7th day of fencing my dear Lord said to me:
"Is my arm too short for thee?"

And the tears of joy flowed.

Refraction

Size matters.

1st lecture on film and religion

I looked around and saw no one I knew at lecture.


I prayed:

"I don't want to be alone Lord..."


And He replied:

"I don't want you to be dependent."

-:-

For the bulk of last year I've had one line repeated in my head countless times.

"Your heart is divided."

Not any more. Please.

Oh my goodness...

No school today

On the 6th day of fencing my right arm said to me:
"I'm getting bruised really badly!"

Attraction #5

Her name is Abigail.

And she is exactly what I am looking for in a wife.

It's been 11 months since I started writing about the type of women I'm attracted to.
It's been 11 months since I first asked the question to which I had no answer.

What type of women attract me?


And later on...

What am I looking for in a wife?


I thought I had the answer, but as I tried to put it in words, I realised I did not.

11 months of difficult searching later...


I came across Abigail again, and I found the answer that I been looking for.

I had known it, but I had never seen it in this light before.


Here goes the final entry regarding my research on attraction that I began today, 11 months ago:

1 Samuel 25 NIV

David, Nabal and Abigail

    ¹ Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran.

   ² A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. ³ His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.

This is our introduction to Abigail. A woman both smart and beautiful, who's only fault was that she married a jerk.

Hmmm... I do wonder why intelligent women date and marry stupid men. I guess things haven't changed much since bible times.

   ⁴ While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. ⁵ So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. ⁶ Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!

   ⁷ “‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. ⁸ Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’”

   ⁹ When David’s men arrived, they gave Nabal this message in David’s name. Then they waited.

Enter the hero of old, David. This was David who has slain Goliath, but note that here in this passage, he is not the king yet. He's still on the run from king Saul, and he's living as a ranger with no home. Yet we can see that though he may be living in the rough and wild, he has held true to his beliefs and honor.

In the chapter before this Saul was pursuing him and trying to take his life, but ended up relieving himself in a cave that David and his men were in. David could have killed him, but instead he cut off a robe to show the king that he had the chance to kill his enemy, but didn't. Saul knew then that David was more righteous than he (24:17), and this was a great victory for David, both in physical and spiritual terms. David did not take revenge into his own hands.

   ¹⁰ Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. ¹¹ Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?”

Like the rich young fool in the parable that Jesus told, Nabal cared only about money. And like the rich man in the parable, Nabal hoarded what he had and thought only of his own wealth, neglecting even his life. If you were to have held this guy at gunpoint and asked him to choose between his money and his life, he'd choose the money. He did in this situation after all... Rich fool. Proverbs 15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

   ¹² David’s men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. ¹³ David said to his men, “Each of you strap on your sword!” So they did, and David strapped his on as well. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies.

Nabal is headed for disaster. But we need to realise... that so is David. He's about to wipe out all of Nabal's household over something as small as a few loaves of bread.

   ¹⁴ One of the servants told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. ¹⁵ Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. ¹⁶ Night and day they were a wall around us the whole time we were herding our sheep near them. ¹⁷ Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.”

Having his camp next to David's in the past had been a blessing to Nabal. Here he was living next to a few hundred of the best fighters in the land, and their mere presence was indirectly protecting Nabal and his property. The only ones who could have taken from him were David and his men, but they did not take advantage of the situation. Yet the stiff necked Nabal does nothing when David asks for a favor.

   ¹⁸ Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. ¹⁹ Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

   ²⁰ As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. ²¹ David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good.²² May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”

Circumstances to not favor David making right decisions. For one, he is angry. Psalm 4:4 warns us saying "In your anger do not sin;" (I find it interesting to note that David wrote this psalm). Secondly, David's mentor and prayer support, Samuel, was dead (verse 1 of this chapter). Third, David had an even higher amount of responsibilities lately: He now had about 600 men under his charge (23:13) and was continuing to protect the country from their enemies, even though the king was after his life (think of Eomer in LOTR). And finally, he had just had a great victory before this incident. He spared Saul's life, he proved himself as a righteous man, he let his guard down, he was about to kill Nabal and all the males belonging to him (verse 34).

David is looking for trouble. The hero is about to fall from grace and glory. And then...

   ²³ When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. ²⁴ She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. ²⁵ Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. ²⁶ And now, my lord, as surely as the LORD your God lives and as you live, since the LORD has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. ²⁷ And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.

   ²⁸ “Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The LORD your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the LORD’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. ²⁹ Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the LORD your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. ³⁰ When the LORD has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, ³¹ my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the LORD your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.”

This woman's theology is good. She started by doing the opposite of Nabal, bowing before David and speaking with humility. Looking at Abigail and Nabal, we see both sides of the Proverbs 15:1 coin- "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

And then she began her case. She points out that God has kept David from bloodshed and vengeance (v26) as he had done with Saul. Proverbs 4:16 warns of the ways of sinners, "for their feet rush into evil, they are swift to shed blood." and this is exactly what Abigail is telling David not to do. David is fighting the Lord's battles (v28) and as a man of God should not be taking life into his own hands. Romans 12:19, which quotes Deuteronomy 32:35, says "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord."

She points out that David has had a clear conscience thus far, and should not let a matter this small ruin his clear reputation. She reminds him that he is God's chosen king (v30) and that he should trust the Lord to protect him from his enemies (v29) instead of having on his own "conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself."(v31).

Now... Will the future king... who would not stand the lack of hospitality of a man, let a woman correct his mistakes?

   ³² David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me.³³ May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. ³⁴ Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.”

   ³⁵ Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.”

Abigail didn't just care about her own house. She cared about David, she cared about the future of Israel and its leader, and she cared about matters pertaining to God (v30). In this situation she was the restraining grace that came out of nowhere when circumstances were unfavorable for godliness. Thankfully, David was sharp enough to realise she was the agency God had sent (she provided more than just physical help), and humble enough to accept her godly counsel and repent before it was too late.

   ³⁶ When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak. ³⁷ Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone. ³⁸About ten days later, the LORD struck Nabal and he died.

Just like what Abigail said in verse 25, 26 and 29, along with what God said in Deuteronomy 32:35 and Romans 12:19... “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Nuff said.

   ³⁹ When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Praise be to the LORD, who has upheld my cause against Nabal for treating me with contempt. He has kept his servant from doing wrong and has brought Nabal’s wrongdoing down on his own head.”

   Then David sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife. ⁴⁰ His servants went to Carmel and said to Abigail, “David has sent us to you to take you to become his wife.”

David was fascinated with Abigail. He was the singer-songwriter of the 10th century BCE, but here before him was a woman, who had spoken words as poetic as anything he wrote in the book of Psalms; a psalmist outdoing a psalmist.

But more than all that, here was one woman who knew what God's direction for David's life was, and was willing to help him get to that goal, even if it meant opposing him. She supported him directly or indirectly in his leadership over his men and ultimately over the kingdom, and helped him get back on the right track with God when he had strayed.

This, to me, makes Abigail the model wife.

   ⁴¹ She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” ⁴² Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five female servants, went with David’s messengers and became his wife. ⁴³ David had also married Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both were his wives. ⁴⁴ But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Paltiel son of Laish, who was from Gallim.

David thanked God for Abigail (v32).

God keeps the best wine for last.

take a deep breath and walk through the doors...

I arrived in school for a lecture I did not want to attend.

I only had 4 modules secured, I needed one more.

The one I really wanted was worth too many bidding points, so I attended this backup module just in case I could not get the one I wanted.

As I entered the doors, I saw the lecturer was one of my favourite from my first semester and was overjoyed.


Oh my goodness, thank you God for not giving me what I wanted this time round.

Now please help me get this module...

I decided to push limits...

And I did the unthinkable:

I searched for Manson Mun on youtube.




Manson reminds me of Naomi.

A lot.

Evermore

This morning I drove down to Jurong alone.

In the car I listened to this song, and almost started to cry.



It resonates with my life, now as much as ever.

-:-

This afternoon I drove home from Jurong alone.

In the car I listened to this song, and almost started to cry.



It resonates with my life, now more than ever.

2010

It was a tough year.

The struggles were numerous, but mostly internal.

But I'm proud to say that even though I was functioning at less than full capacity, I still managed to do a lot during the year.

Here are some of the major achievements of my year 2010:

- Released my big octopus kite at Marina Barrage.

- Did a complete split during a fencing competition.

- Kneeled down to stroke a cat with eye and skin infection.

- Preached my first sermon in an Indian church.

- Scored a record 36 demerit points for my driving test. That's double the allowance for mistakes.

- Performed a song with my band. Everyone laughed at me.

- Made my first pencil sculpture. V.

- Free dived with and photographed sea turtles.

- Highlighted my hair ash blonde.

- Crashed a kite into the construction site at Marina Bay.

- Wrote 4 plays- 3 made it to the stage.

- Went up to receive the award for the women's sabre fencing team.

- Talked to all the cats I saw in NUS.

- Made at least one girl cry.

- Helped to build a road in India.

- Scuba dived.

- Won the tentangram competition in NUS. Prize- ipod nano.

- Developed my first roll of solaris film.

- Crashed a kite onto the Punggol LRT line. The train that ran over it caught and pulled the colourful streamer along.

- Organized a surprise birthday party involving over 40 people.

- Pasted my handphone number on public walls asking people to contact me.

- I dated a girl that I did not think I would end up attached to.

- Made my second pencil sculpture. X.

- Caught and raised my first fighting spider.

- Submitted a film I made for a film festival.

- Highlighted my hair red.

- Visited Timbre for the first time. Ordered a pint.

- Wrote an essay on Inter-racial Marriages. Did not do well due to a lack of objectivity.

- Gave an original hand written romantic poem to a girl I did not know.

- Directed a video that was screened to 4000 people in one sitting.

- Smuggled a samurai sword looking thingy home.

- Changed my FB relationship status. Twice.

- Finished reading the bible.

- Submitted a video to a school competition. Prize- ipod nano.

- Visited the 4th highest waterfall in the world.

- Smuggled a golden tortoise beetle home.

- Made my third pencil sculpture.

- Emceed a graduation ceremony.

- Submitted a poem for publishing in a newsletter.

- Played the ukulele.

- Made a really big pop-up card.


Ask me about any of these if you want. Each is a story worth listening to.

Life

Guardsman!

First and foremost, my sabre arrived today.

She is pretty.


Desiree, I hope you are able to copy elven text.

I want you to design my blade's guard.


Second, we had the Beep test today.

You run from one line to another and must reach before the next beep.

When you hear the next beep you run back.

Intervals get shorter as the levels increase.

I ran back and forth for about 20 minutes and was the last man standing.

I cleared over 160 levels.


A visiting national fencer who ran with us asked me what I did last time.

"Were you in the track team before this?"

"No," I replied.

"I was from choir."


On the 3rd day of fencing my heart said to me
"I feel like bursting already."

To be continued...

8 months later

I made this poster on the 6th of May last year, having taken the shot a day before:

Some time later...

How encouraging. Let's take a closer look:

Hmmm...

Oh...

Well... it seems...

Tuition is happening in Punggol.

Last night, I prayed for time to do QT and for recovery time for my painful body.

For a day that started this hot, I was surprised it ended this wet.

I arrived in school early for training and did some QT. I had a most awesome QT of the year and wished I could continue but it was time for training.

I really did not want to swim in the scorching sun. Then I realised no one was here.

Seems training was cancelled. I had travelled the long road to school for nothing.


Then again, I prayed for time to do QT, and it was given, so I did continue and I loved it. Totally worth the journey. And on the bright side, my body had time to rest and recover.

Came home to find out Rachel had gone for a swim. Siao. Jon Ma syndrome.



On the third day of fencing my eyeballs said to me:
Why don't I see anybody?

To be continued...

The biggest car park I've seen

I wonder what else this building is used for.

Novices

That's the name of the fencing competition at the end of the month.

Training is picking up, almost every day.

In leu of the tough training, I'm going to write a poem and add a line every day.

Here we go.


On the first day of fencing my thighs said to me:
"We're giving up on life already."


On the second day of fencing my groin said to me:
Why did your opponent hit me?"

To be continued...

If you see a guy squatting over a drain in the middle of a crowded walkway...

It'll probably be me.

Yes, I tend to notice things others don't.

Green bug, red legs. 

Fashion statement.

Mondays are good days

(And I promise you something that will blow your circuits next Munday.)

Csikszentmihalyi

The river flows in you.
-Yiruma

I only flow in You.
-Justin

Marianne

Today I found myself dressed up very well for church.

Ushering for the first time.

They even gave me a name tag.

Which reminds me...

I have a little sister.

I haven't seen her in a while.

She likes to sit in circles,

Look at cameras and smile.

She spends lazy days asleep,

And dances once in a while.

And I miss her.

I'm not satisfied

I only have one resolution this year.

That my words and my actions, my beliefs and my works, will be the same.

I can't stand being a hypocrite anymore.