I was clearing my JC Chemistry notes...

...4 years after leaving JC.

It surprises me- how bad I was at chemistry.

I was so bad that when I almost passed a class test my teacher rejoiced.

Looking through my notes and seeing the things I had doodled during lectures 4 years ago, I was intrigued.

Other than copying what was on the screen in class, I had also drawn the floor plan for a fantasy city tower, devised a formula to never lose at tic-tac-toe, came up with a pattern that infinitely shrinks down the pentagon that lies in the middle of a star by shifting each subsequent smaller pentagon by 72 degrees, figured the best strategy to deal with the evil giant elephant in LOTR using only a squad of 20 wood elves, etc.

Why didn't I realise it back then? That I was a bit of a creative genius trapped in the constrains of chemical equations and enthalpy changes.

Eventually I got an A for chemistry. It was my only A in my final exams. But what have I learnt from Chemistry? Absolutely nothing. It was an absolute waste of my time and effort and the only thing I gained from my notes were the formulae of how to win tic-tac-toe.


So why did I waste so much time studying something I had no use for? Because I needed it to get into Medical School.

But I didn't get into medical school the first time. What a waste of time.


So I studied for another entrance exam for an Indian Medical school last year, traveling up to Penang just to take the paper.

But I didn't get into medical school again. What a waste of time.


So I studied psychology and got my As and enjoyed school life.

But I didn't pass stats and was not allowed to continue studying psychology, and so the modules I had taken were not going to count towards my graduating requirement. What a waste of time.


But wait. There's something wrong with my thinking. What does it mean to waste time? Is there really such a thing?

Did I seek the Lord before making these decisions? Yes.
Did he answer clearly back then? Yes.

So what, is the Lord's hand too short? Or did he make a mistake? No.

Really?


David was told by God through Samuel that he would be the next king even before he entered the service of king Saul.

He worked his way up in the army and became a leader of prominence. Getting closer to the goal.

But Saul got jealous and wanted his life. David fled. What a waste of time in the army.


Saul was after his life. David spent time making friends with the king of Moab and sought his protection.

But God told him to move to Judah and he did. What a waste of time in Moab.


David heard a town called Keilah was under attack and under the Lord's command, went with his men and rescued them.

But when Saul came looking for David, the people of Keilah were ready to hand David and his men over to the old king. What a waste of time and effort on this town.


David was sent from one place to another, living in caves and forests and towns and cities.

I ask (and David might have), "Lord, what is your plan for my life? Why do you send me here and there to do things that have no significance or bearing in my life? Can you just show me your will and stop wasting my time?"

I finally understand the fallacy of my statement. First, God is trying to teach me obedience. And obedience is best taught when one is willing to listen, because then we are still dependent on the one teaching. If I have no needs to be met, I'm not going to listen to God the way I would when I desperately need his help.

Second. I'm trying to live my own life. I'm saying, "God give me your perfect plan, so I can live it out my own way." It's a false sense of piousness- I want God's will for my life, but I want control over my own life.


What's important to God is not that my life's success markers are met (in a given amount of time), as much as my obedience to him throughout. So he teaches me to be faithful and obedient in the little things.

Yes, from the Singaporean worldly perspective, I have gained nothing and learnt nothing the past few years, and I'm a year behind the boys and 3 years behind the girls in my batch.

But from the spiritual perspective, I'm learning obedience- something much more difficult to attain than success.

So, what really is important at the end of the day?

35

To God be the glory.

I love this

And no, I'm not talking about the car.

I love the sky.
Clouds of grey.
How daunting it looks.
You could almost feel the cold winds
Rushing past your face
As the inevitable storm approaches.

It took my breath away.

34

It was a bad day.

I tried to study for my sexuality exam tomorrow in the library but my mind kept wandering off.

I tried to secretly leave an encouraging note for the girl sleeping at the table next to mine, but my jacket brushed her and she woke to see me leaning over her table. Awkward.

I got the film group guys to convert our footage to digital form and all was going so surprisingly well- up to the moment I collected the files from them after they had worked on it the whole day. Wrong format.

I got trashed at fencing for the first time by a fellow junior. The fresh fencers have reached a certain skill level that we're no longer randomly attacking. I expect myself to be losing bouts for the next few weeks as I desperately try to polish up my terrible basics.

I stepped out of the computer lab after spending an hour with my face in my hands. It was a bad day. I stopped outside the door, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and gave out a loud sigh as I lowered my head.

"Do you need a hug?" One of God's little angels said to me.

I said yes and got a hug.

It wasn't that bad a day after all.

33

My table is so messy I've begun to put things on my bed, which has become so crowded I have to sleep in Marianne's bed instead and put additional things on the floor.

I believe that the state of my table reflects the state of my life.

Last night I dreamt I was late for a sociology stats test I was unaware of, that was crucial to majoring in sociology.

I don't even have such a test.

If you spend a whole dream stressed, do you actually get rest?

21st birthday

An old friend of mine just turned 21.

(That technically makes her a young friend.)

At her party, many gave her presents of alcohol bottles.

But I... being poor... had only a pencil and a card.


Why do I always seem to be making girls cry?

32

"If I'm really going to go bankrupt, this is the way I want to go bankrupt."

Pastor Kuo Yung spent his last few cents sending his daughter on a mission trip.

I actually have the same view with regard to life.

The important thing is not so much trying to prevent or delay death.

Rather, find something worth dying for.

Same same but different

Scientists in the US have come up with a theory that explains how winds could have caused the parting of the red sea for the Israelites to cross. They even have computer imagery to show how it would look.

Now my question is: Do scientists, looking at this information, conclude that there is no God or that the Bible is true?

Quotes of the week

Supper with the fencers at Shears Hall. I ordered 4 chickens and brought the drinks to the team.


"Justin, do you work here?"

Why would you say so?

"You seem to be serving us, taking our orders and talking to the staff here."


-:-


Dad enters. I bring him food and a drink.

"Who's that?"

That's my dad.

"Really?"

Yes.

"Which hall does he stay in?"

What? Why do you think he stays in hall?

"He acts so normal here. It's as though he lives here."


Well minus the fact that everyone else is around the age of 20, dad actually does fit in, in his bright orange running attire.