I'm a few hours away from the "late submission" deadline

I'm typing very fast, but I know I will not make it.

Pray for me?

Midnight deadline.

Thousands More to Go...

I am about to start on my 4000 word essay on women's breast.


I told my church friends about the topic this morning.


Amanda asked how I could write such a long essay on something so small.

I giggled.


Angeline M. said I would probably have to blow it up much bigger.

I laughed out loud.


But Kim's question was the most serious.

"Why did you choose that as your topic?"

I replied that if I need to write a 4000 word essay, I might as well write about something I like.

Good News, Bad News

The tale of my day was the swing of a pendulum.


The good news:

I dreamt I was a chinese emperor.


The bad news:

The emperor just had his hand severed.


The good news:

The scene after involved me in a flying car.


The bad news:

Mom was driving the car so it could not get off the ground.


The good news:

I finished my first essay in the bus on the way to school.


The bad news:

I didn't have a thumb-drive or internet connection so could not print it.


The good news:

The friend I made yesterday walked past and lent me her thumb-drive.


The bad news:

My Mac document still could not print on Windows.


The good news:

I managed to get it printed somehow and slotted it into the module cabinet.


The bad news:

It was the wrong cabinet.


The good news:

I arrived in school early enough to return my book at a low fine.


The bad news:

I took so long with my article my fines doubled to $6.


The good news:

You can pay your fines with your EZ link card.


The bad news:

Not NUS EZ link card though.


The good news:

I could add all my citations at the click of a button for the next essay.


The bad news:

I forgot to click the button.


The good news:

I managed to submit my second essay on the dot of the deadline at 6pm.


The bad news:

I hadn't added my citations yet.


The good news:

The lecturer did not close the online submission folder on the dot.


The bad news:

My essay re-submitted (with citations) was submitted late.


The good news:

I felt like eating Laksa after smelling it at the canteen.


The bad news:

They ran out of gravy after I had chosen my yong tau fu pieces.


The good news:

My cute friend was at the canteen. Sat down next to her with my food.


The bad news:

She left once I sat down.



All in all, it was a terrible day.

But I was smiling throughout.

Not once did I feel overwhelmed.

Peace.

Strange.

=)

Tired but happy.

Low Self-Esteem

Dear Diary,

Sorry to bother you again...


cartoonbank.com

Sunset

Today God posted on his blog with lomo photography.

I have never seen the sky that colour before. It was like the pictures at Cat Socrates were in the air enlarged 1000000x. So cool. I knelt down and sang "Who am I".

Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth, would care to know my name- would care to feel my hurt...

I was wondering if I could compare today's sunset to the greatest sunset I've seen in my life, which was 3 Wednesdays ago. Probably not.

Coz 3 wednesdays ago, I saw the girl- who changed my life/who's life I changed- for the first time.

I came down the stairs from the roof today. Guess who was standing there, 2 stories down, twirling her hair?

Yup.

Sunset girl.


I walked past coz she was doing a rehearsal for something, but our eyes met.

Unlike the last time at the bus terminal where the foggy glasses spoilt everything, this time, I smiled.

And then I was gone.


I still don't think she remembers me. But it's okay. I smiled.

=)

Stressed

But I won't cry.

GAHHH!!!

Speak of the devil!!!

You know yesterday I posted about how I really really want to see that girl whom I saw 3 Wednesdays ago and have only spotted her once around school ever since?

I saw her today!!!

2pm, I was coming into school up the staircase at the bus terminal, she was coming down.

I looked at her, she looked at me.

She walked on.


Owwwwwww... (heart shatters into a million pieces then bulldozer happens to roll over followed by a steam roller.)

Never mind, I blame it on the cold weather. It was so cold that my spectacles fogged up as I exited the bus.

So it wasn't really eye contact... it was more like...

Foggy.


But crap lah... I'm also not sure if I remembered her name correctly. If call wrong name... fail becomes Epic Fail. So I didn't call out.

GAHHH!!!!

the sky i wish to share with you, but you keep looking down

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.


- from "Leisure," by W.H. Davies


What would you do if you chanced upon the greatest violinist in the world, holding a violin handcrafted in 1713 worth 3.5 million US dollars, as he played 6 of the greatest classical tunes of all time, at the walkway at the Orchard MRT Station, and you were on your way to work or school?


I'm not quite so hopeful for us Singaporeans stopping.


Well, this was the experiment they carried out in Washington.


The violinist? Joshua Bell, who 3 days before had filled the house at Boston's stately Symphony Hall, where merely pretty good seats went for $100.


"In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance, at least for a minute. Twenty-seven gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and change. That leaves the 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.


If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that -- then what else are we missing?


Here's the full 7000+ word article that I read and cried aloud after.


Yes, I'm supposed to be doing my work now.


But I will stop for something worth stopping for.

Wednesdays

I was at the same bus stop that I was at one week ago.

Looking for the girl I had met there one week ago.

But she was not there.

It's okay. I managed to help an older lady down the stairs instead.

=)

Women make my day.

-

3 weeks ago today I was finally back at home, absolutely unsure if I had just done one of the best thing's I've ever done in my life, or one of the worst.

Only one way to find out.

I need to find that random girl I had approached that day.

I have only seen once since then.

And that once... I didn't dare to go up to her.

Shinking In the Shower

Yesterday.

It hit me like a speeding train.

I don't need to answer to the bark and call of everyone.
I don't need to answer to no one.

("No one" as in like a faceless identity who is inconsistent? i.e. my blog's audience.)

Why wait on people, when I can make people wait on me?

After all, I am the artist right?


I have finally found a way to get my first business off the ground.

It's to not wait on people.

I have to make it before anyone would buy it.

Why didn't I think of that earlier?


Too busy painting the moving train maybe.

The Week in Passing

1 attempt to watch the sunset.

0 sunsets seen.

3 kites brought out of the house.

0 kites flown.

2 gifts given to unsuspecting girls.

2 dollars spent on tissue paper I didn't need.

2 dollars well spent.

I caught a starfish in the sea.

Jellyfish caught my best friend in the sea.

It's been a painful week.

0 hours with God.

Dry Eyes

I was sitting alone in Long John Silvers at a table for 8 tonight.

I had just eaten with my friends and they had rushed off for a movie.

8 trays left behind enough food to feed 2, and I scavenged for scraps.

Old lady came to clear up the mess. I helped her stack the empty trays.

"Thank you," I said.

She smiled and asked me to take my time to finish my food.

-

Outside at Bugis there were thousands of people, all young and fast moving.

By the road was an old lady trying to sell 3 packets of tissue for a dollar.

I just walked past as I always do.

But this time I stopped and looking back, noticed her salience.

The Bugis crowd was young and well dressed.

This old woman was old and covered in sweat, trying desperately to sell her tissues.

The young man in front of me turned back to buy a set from her.

I followed suit.

As I rummaged through my wallet, she still continued to stick her hands out to other people just trying so hard to make a sale. I pulled out 2 dollars and she gave me more tissue than I would need. Or so I thought.

I walked off, visibly shaken.

-

I searched through the whole Raffles City area for a quiet place just to cry, but I found none.

Music and pictures and colours and noise. No room for anyone to think.

As I boarded a train homeward bound, one random girl laughing with her friends noticed my downcast face, and I don't think she smiled for a while.

Made My Day

Me: "Have you heard of Charlie the Unicorn?"

Dorea: "No, but I've heard of Puff the Magic Dragon."


(Boy do I hope this girl's still single.)

Girls

1 of the 9 girls I was sitting with at lecture today pointed out to me that my blog has been talking about nothing other than girls for the longest time. I didn't realise that.

So in this post I'm not even going to mention the word "girl" or anything female.

Crap. Who am I trying to kid.


Maybe she was right. But I think that's interesting. Because I could change my attitudes, like I changed my stand towards going into a relationship (to not going into one now), but I could not change who I innately was (someone who thought and talked about marriage/relationships/girls alot alot alot).

-

Judging from today, my life revolves around a disproportionate number of women. My Gender studies class had 20 girls and 3 boys. I ate lunch with one boy and dinner with 3 girls. I went for Social Psychology lecture with 9 girls and no boys. Now I shall tell you what happened tonight after all this was over and I walked towards the library.


I walked past girl E today. I have not seen her the whole semester.

She was on the phone. She waved, I waved.

She said "C is just ahead."

I walked past E.

I walked towards girl C. I have wanted to see her the whole semester.

I slowed down to think.



How in the world did E know I would want to know C was just ahead???


I slowed down to talk to C.


I left with a bounce in my step.

I stopped at a bench to collect my thoughts.


Why did I like talking to this girl so much?


Then it hit me.

You know how some people seem to be putting their heart into a conversation?

They react to what you say and they smile and move and respond more than normal people would, and you feel very encouraged to continue talking to them and sharing yourself with them.

C was like that. She smiled with not just parted lips- it was almost as if her teeth were parted as well, which was indeed enough to melt any guy. And just that action of a full smile, portrayed a total lack of inhibition- and a whole lot of sincerity.

I smile just thinking of her smile.


Then girl H appeared and sat down with me and I told her about all the girls listed above who I don't really know, and who don't really know me.

H knows me through and through.

We could talk about personal stuff the way kids talk about Ben 10.

We talked till H was moved to tears and then she left.


I stayed there for a while. Just sitting, staring.

I took out a tissue to wipe my face.

H was suddenly next to me again.


People don't communicate in the same way, but people communicate.

Sure H doesn't make me feel suddenly happy the way C does,

but she came back just to study with me.

And that, made me glad till the library closed.

The Time Has Come

I've never been charismatic about my faith.

I've never been loud or reckless about it.

I guess I knew how easy it was to fall, and I didn't want to be a hypocrite.

But tonight, as I sat down with a few adults from church just singing and talking and praying...

I realise I have come to such a stage in my relationship with God that I feel we're steady.

And I have a deep desire now, to say aloud that I love Jesus very much.

I don't want to say it because I know that's what a good Christian boy would say.

I'm saying it because I know I'm in a relationship with Christ that I can put my heart into.

I'm not afraid any more.



Chat window in FB just popped up. Young girl whom I can hardly remember says to me:

Hello.. Just wondering, are u still a Christian?

I think it's time to change my FB religion back to Christianity.

Girl on the Bench

I was sitting at a table at the Deck today.

The girl on the bench walked past.

I jumped up and chased after her, leaving behind my food, my things, and my friend.


It's been what... 70 days of bringing her present to school?

Anyway, I caught her, I gave her her present, and she said thank you.

Then she asked me when we were going to meet up.


I thought the only reason why she would want to meet me was just so that I could pass her the present. But it seems she didn't think that way.


I smiled and said,

Next week.

Two Girls, Two Thoughts, To Day

I was sitting at the bus stop next to a girl I knew today. The setting sun was shining in our eyes.

She missed the bus to talk to me.

I told her the story only 2 others have heard.

And I was happy. She felt the way I did, and agreed that what I did 2 Wednesdays ago was indeed good.

-

I was sitting at the Deck opposite a girl I just knew tonight. It was so late we were the last ones there and the lights were being switched off.

And talking to her, the humanistic view suddenly hit me very hard.

We psychologist study very hard, and we've improved so much in our field of knowledge.

I could look at a stranger and tell you many things you would not know just from watching how s/he behaves.

But talking to this girl, I realised I could read into a few of her gestures and understand her better... but there were thousands of other subtle things that I just could not comprehend. Such is the complexity of humans and human interaction.

Praise the Lord.

I shall stop thinking so much. While the conscious mind cannot handle all the info, I shall train my sub-conscious to read things I cannot see and understand things I cannot read. Neo-Freudians, here I come.

I'm running away this July

Anyone wants to come with me?

Today

Stop playing with my heart.

Argh crap. 

I was the one who threw it to you first.

-


Dinner today was the first meal this week that I didn't eat alone.


-


This is my pencil case.

For some reason girls like to take it away from me.

They play with it and snap photos of it.

Today as I sat down at the library I noticed things on the table opposite me.

So... I found my other half.

-

I waited anxiously for her to return.

She wasn't an arts student.

She looked stressed and serious.

She studied hard and never looked up from her notes.

As she packed up to leave though, I lifted my pencil case, loudly unzipped it, took a pen out, and hoped she would notice.

I don't know if she did.

But... I saw her try to hide a smile as she picked up her bag and leave.

That made my day.

The Week in Passing

1 pop-up card complete.

1 night on the floor.

1 thousand word essay.

1 sunset, the best I've ever seen.

2 people asking me to get attached.

Told 2 girls I thought they looked beautiful, separately.

2 mid terms this week.