Day 14

I've watched this like 4 times already?

But I still can't stop smiling.



Yeah I know I put it together, but most of it was so spontaneous I just can't get enough of it!

Word Verification

It is sometimes terrifyingly uncanny.

I wonder...

If kim is re-reading my older blog entries after what I told her.

Fri Day 13

I searched desperately for a totem on the way to school.

In the movie Inception, it is something that tells you if you're awake or dreaming.

For me today I just needed something to ground me. To remind me of who I was.

I had spent almost 2 years going after the dream of a degree in psychology and had been suddenly and rudely woken from that dream. After spending so much time and energy in a dream, waking and realizing that nothing you did matters is very troubling and destabilizing. So I needed something to stabilize me; something that holds enough memories to bring me back to where I was before I fell asleep. Once I can recall where I was before, I can figure out how I got here, and then where to go next.

I found the song "Your Guardian Angel" on my iPod and blasted it into my ears. That brought me back to when I was in JC, even before I went to the army. Not exactly the best place to be, but better than now.

-:-

Today I met Sarah for the first time in a long time. She returned me several diaries, one I wrote when I was in Assam for the first time 3 years ago, and another I wrote when I ORDed and went with dad to UK.

Relief. More Totems.

I read the second of my diaries passed to me by my girlfriend of last year and it brought me back to a time even before I was attached. I had just met Rachel B last week, but this diary took me back to the previous time when I met her- before I even started my first year in psychology.

You know, I had stopped writing between this time last year and now. But everything that happened in this past year is summed up in the diary I wrote before the year even began.

I was reaching the end of my army stint. I feared for what was to come. I wrote down my concerns.

Some I managed to avoid. Too few actually. Most of my fears at the time were founded and I faced those problems soon after. My diary was almost predictive of the future.


But now I have no diary of the past year. It's as though I'm waking up for a dream and everything gets forgotten. The problem is... without the memory... and without another predictive diary... I have no idea where to go from here.

-:-

I plugged in music from the musical "Sunset Boulevard" that we put up in JC and it brought back memories too as I took the long ride to the cross. But more than that, the words were so apt.

Please can you tell me what's happening
I just don't know anymore
If this is real
What should I feel
What should I look for?

Day 12

Day 3 of the beginner's fencing course.

We were split to teams of 4 to fight tournament style.

The 1st fencer from competing teams fight to reach 5 points first.

The second pair continues from their scores and fight to reach 10 points first.

So on till the last pair of fencers fight to hit the 20 point mark and win.

In other words, the later fencers can make up for the earlier fencer's mistakes.

My team put me last.

Our first fencer lost 3-5

Our second fencer lost too, making the score 6-10.

Our third fencer was a guy and, against a girl, he gained back some ground to lose at 13-15.

I saddled up.

Our team was holding a blade of a different handle from the rest of the competitors, which gave us a disadvantage because the team was not used to the straight handle- we had used a pistol grip which makes blocking much easier.

But I had trained at home with straight grip weapons for years...

-:-

I was half expecting the see the greatest miracle in my life today as I headed to school.

I have seen huge miracles in other's lives, and was hoping to finally experience one myself.

I would have celebrated it as a lasting ordinance all the days of my life.

For God would have worked where man had failed, and opened a door no one else could.

I went to see the psychology department one last time, and ask them to let me retake the stats module that I had passed (so I cannot retake it) but not cleared (so I cannot major in psychology).

After 3 days of fasting and prayer alone or with friends and family, I spoke to the department's manager.

-:-

I began fencing and held steady as the opponent's team best moved quickly and attacked.

I held him at bay and reduced his lead by taking the first few points.

Then he caught on with my style and was able to capitalize on some of my mistakes.

We fought each other hard for every point, and though he reached 19 points first, I was able to finally able to level the match off at 19-19 to set us up for a grand finale.

-:-

The manager said no, I cannot retake the module, without any shadow of doubt.

I lost the last point in the fencing bout.

-:-

I almost won.

But that also means I lost.

Yeah I drew the shorter straw to begin with, but I think only one question remains now.

Do I dispair?

-:-

I removed my mask, shook my opponent's hand, and smiled.

"Good game," he said.

"Good Game." I replied.

Day 11

Interesting.

I've spent 2 days without YinShuang's blog.

Oh the pain.

I bought NUS brand bottled water today.

I hope that lets me stay in the school and not need to leave prematurely.

Tomorrow, I will talk to the Manager of the Psych Dept.

Day 10

Tomorrow is one of the most important days in my life.

Either God works and rolls the stone away, or my life in NUS will come to a premature end.

Day 9

Development Psychology Tutorial
(Spoiler alert. Stop reading if you might be taking it in future)

We were asked to watch a video of a lecture taken in the 1980s.

2 infants and their parents were in front of the lecture hall playing with toys as the lecturer talked about them.

Brandon was in a baby baseball cap and a blue jumper.

Rachel was in a pink dress.

So the lecturer talked about each baby and we watched how they responded to things like rattles and mirrors.

Later on, the students were asked to vote as to which words from a list of 18 would best describe which baby.

Dominant. Warm. Independent. Affectionate...

One by one, the words were assigned to each baby based on the judgements made from the short time they were observed.

We in class also voted on our own and the results were compared.

But I realised my own votes were always against the majority, so I wrote my own votes down instead of following the general trend.

Then the lecturer tabulated the results by converting the words into 2 categories.

Masculine words, and feminine words.

For example, warm and affectionate is more feminine.

Dominant and independent is more masculine.

And true enough, the students on the video had assigned more masculine traits to Brandon and more feminine traits to Rachel. As for us in class, the same result was achieved, but just not as extreme as theirs.

But when I looked at my own votes, I had for some reason put all but 2 of the masculine traits on Rachel, and all but 2 of the feminine traits on Brandon. Why was I so weird?


Then the lecturer asked why they tended to put masculine traits on the boy and feminine traits on the girl. Was it because they were dressed in a certain way?

They next thing they did was swap the clothes. Brandon was now in a dress and Rachel in a blue jumper. The students laughed and said they looked weird.

But as I looked at it, I thought wow. Rachel in the jumper really looks like a boy and Brandon really does look like a girl.

Then the lecturer told us that she had lied. Rachel was Brandon and Brandon was Rachel. Before the lecture they had changed the children's clothes to see how we would classify their personality traits. And the students were all fooled. When given so little information, people resort to stereotypes to help them judge. And the most pervasive stereotype, is gender.


So guess what, I didn't know the kids were swapped, but I was not fooled.


That's why I'm so weird.

Coz I don't just study Psychology. I study Gender!

Fast

We were asked to fast and pray for the upcoming church event.

The thing is that they let us decide what we wanted to fast from.

*Fast = Abstain

Bryan said a FB fast is easy for him, but not eating is tough coz he can't exercise without eating.

But I think it'll be worst if he eats but fasts from exercising.


What would be most difficult for me to give up?

FB? Yeah quite. YinShuang's blog? Oh man...

Then Kimberly gave me the ultimatum.


Girls.

Women and Directions

At psychology lecture we were told that there seems to be a gender difference in spatial and directional cognitive ability. An example of this is how men tend to just look at a map and go, while women would need to orientate the map to face the direction they are going.


Last night dad was driving down to pick me up from Eunos station. It was during peak hour so I needed to be at the right place at the right time to get picked up. It was 2 minutes to the pickup and mom was giving me directions over the phone to get to the pickup point. Dad told her a line in the background, and mom somehow managed to translate that into a whole long list of ambiguous instructions instead.

"You know the bus stop we always pick you at?"
Er... there are 2 bus stops, but yes.

"At the road next to your auntie's old house?"
There are 2 roads mom. And neither are close to the usual bus stop.

I got frustrated and asked her to just repeat what dad said.

"Opposite side of the road of the bus stop which bus 13 stops at."

Like couldn't she just say that from the start? I got there and told her I was in front of the traffic light. But she thought that meant I was behind it. Huh?


Anyhow, but the grace of God today, the tester wrote off 18 points and I passed my driving test. Dad took me for a spin, trying out parallel parking with cars instead of kerbs and taking on highways at 90kmph. Exciting. Then it was time to head off to a dinner and mom got into the car. Zjhur zjhur zjhur...

Just getting out of the carpark made me realise I was in great danger. Dad and mom were giving conflicting instructions as to how to drive. I quickly pointed that out to them so dad said he'll only give me directions.

We were in a merging lane into a highway and mom asked me to watch my left. I did and entered the main road cutting into someone's lane dangerously. After I overcame the shock of what just happened mom said, "Sorry, I meant right, not left."

Huh?!?


Anyway, I've stopped driving till we can get insurance to cover me (or is it the car?). It's freaking scary lah. In one instance, the thick frame on our car blocked my view and I didn't see a pedestrian crossing the zebra crossing. Thank God it was raised and I slowed down and dad pointed him out to me.

I pray a lot when I'm in the car of a new driver. I'll make it a habit for myself too.


So why did I label this post "Women and Directions" when this whole post seems to be about only one specific example? Because... I'm one who needs to orientate the map to the direction which I am going in.

Day 8

And I'm absolutely drained.

I was so glad when I remembered that tomorrow is finally a Sabbath.

What a relief.

Drowning already. It's going to be a long semester.

___-_-___


Just got this email.

Please, please, please, can I say no?

It's cool to be confused.

But only for so long.

Pain

I thought the words "misogynic" and "masochistic" were interchangable.

No wonder why there was an awkward silence in church when I shared how I fear I come across to women.

"Too bad you're not a girl."

This is the second time I've had a guy say that to me.

I've heard girls say about guys "too bad he's gay".

That means they like the guy coz he meets their needs and is what they would want in a man.

But what is a guy saying to me, "too bad you're not a girl" supposed to mean?!?

Day 7

Ate at the munchie monkey for the first time in my life before going for fencing.

My first opponent was a girl.

After scoring 2 points against her I could not bring myself to fight properly.

I can't fight a girl. I can't stab a girl.

I still won, but gently.

My next opponent was a new friend I made.

He gave me a few bruises on my arm, but I gave him a trashing.

My last opponent was the only one of the 6 I've fought to beat me.

He was left handed, which made me have to use an uncomfortable backhand action to parry his blade. I did not have the strength to block his attacks the way I could with a right hander, and lost by a point.

The last bout was fantastic. We faught like crazy for every point and a small crowd gathered. Even though it was a 5 point match, we were totally tired out after.

I really do want to join fencing.

I did not want to witness this

I witnessed an accident on the way to school.

I was at the junction about to cross the road.

Car hit a taxi 2 meters away from me.

Minor accident. No one hurt.

I really didn't want to stay around.


I slipped in school 3 times today, once almost ending up doing a split.

Why do I still wear the same slippery shoes/crocs/sandals/sneakers/slippers/thingys?

Day 6- What is never dry?

Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

Hey wait, some of the girls I know already have both!

And I have... neither?

Our family car broke down yesterday. So if I pass my driving on Sat, I still can't drive.


"We see because we do not see."

Wah lao I love my cognitive psychology lecturer. He delivered the same lecture that I gave the Indian nurses, but his was so much cooler.


I just did (actually I'm still doing it as I blog) something on impulse. No it's not like buying a bubble toy. It's a little more... hmmm.

Don't tell momma.

Day 5- Right Angle Right

Waking up late:

$23.75 

Not being late for school:

Priceless

I spent 2 hours in school.

An hour on the train.

An hour at Punggol Plaza.

An hour in the taxi.

An hour outside the sports school.

An hour on the bus.

An hour at Tampines One.

An hour at the airport.

An hour on Facebook.

[  <3 )

=}-.<(8)

Geddit?

Death CFC

We tend to think of God as the God of light. But my 2nd attempt to read the Bible has lead to strange discoveries.

The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.
-Exodus 20:21

Sometimes... It's not the light that God asks us to follow him into.

Only Justin Can.

Today, to further push his belief in the equality of sexes, Justin made a girl print his lecture notes (which caused her to be late for her lecture), book a discussion room he used to study, lend him her laptop to surf the internet, and buy him a drink. And he didn't pay for any of it.

Tomorrow, Justin is meeting an English Princess who will call him to account. And he will pay for it.

Day 4

I was running down the library stairs and zoomed past a guy.

"Hey Justin!" He called out.

I recognised him as I passed but was moving so quickly I only figured out who he was after I passed him by. I stopped running, and called out his name before I turned back to show I had noticed him the first time.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I..." The start of the reply came out immediately but I had trouble completing the sentence.

"I don't know."

It is done.

It really is done.

Finally.

I don't need to even start telling you how difficult this video was to make.

The devil was at my heels every step of the way.

But God was there too, and by His hand this was done. I had surrendered this project to him time and time again. I could not contend with the stress and pressure and devil. But God was there to pull his video through.

To God be the Glory.



You might not notice, but the last 10 seconds of the video has been corrupted. It's like a last ditch effort of the enemy that left a scar on the work of art.

But it's okay. The only thing lost is my name at the end of the credits. Then again, this video was long ago handed over to the Lord, so why should I be upset my name gets blotted out if the video was not mine anyway?

To God be the Glory, for the things he has done.

Curse and swear

The reason why I didn't celebrate the moment the video was done was because I saw this coming.

After all the spiritual attacks, did I really think that uploading this file would be easy?

No man, the estimated uploading time has gone up to 1777 minutes, which is over 24 hours.

My mio has decided it does not want to live anymore at a bad time.

I can get local network, but not internet.

Feels like I'm back in India.


No, stop.

I will not let this ruin my Sabbath that's about to start.

Lord, this is your video, I've done my part. The rest is yours to handle.

My part now is to rest and worship you.

It is done.

But it takes approximately 959 minutes (this is what youtube writes) to upload it.

I can't count very well, but I think it means I should have started uploading it like, last year.

My voice-overs are too soft

Table breaking head smash.

Day 3

I chose fencing over fighting spiders and stabbed my fresh opponents hard.

They went for my blade, I went for their heart.

3 bouts, 3 victories.

And I've finally finished the voiceover for my Indian Hospital video!!! That means we're into our final lap of video editing. Dr Raja is in the air right now and I need this documentary complete and uploaded before he touches down. Time to use the time difference to my advantage. USA is 14 hours behind, which gives me 14 hours more till the 12nd of August.

Pray that this finally gets done!

My bed is better

It was a normal dream like any other, I was in some school canteen and towards the end I saw Mom showing our friend Maria, who we had not seen for a long time, around.

As I went up to talk to them, my grandmother came up to me, smiling. She looked younger than when I had last seen her.

That's because the last time I saw her was over a year ago at her funeral. Then grandpa said hi too, also looking much younger, and he had died way before. Perplexed, I looked towards my mom and asked, "did I die?"

She gave her an affirming nod.

I walked around in wonder. Old aunties from church who looked much younger were greeting me the way they do on a Sunday, smiling and happy. And I saw dad at the canteen preparing some you tiao and he gave me a big grin. Relief filled me. I could not hold back the tears.

I had made it.

And there was one person I was so excited to finally get to meet. But the flood of tears and damp pillow woke me up before I had the chance to.

69 Nights

Marianne has been gone.

I've not slept in my own bed.

Yup.

For all of you who've wondered what happens to a guy if he sleeps in a pink room with pink pillows and cushions and blankets... I've tried it out on your curious behalf. Well, nothing strange happens.

Actually no something did happen- I became a much happier person. Marianne's bed is so soft and comfortable that I sleep so well. My own bed is much harder- not so nice. And my room has hardly the ventilation that her's has. So yes, I rise happier and shine brighter.

But one night, I dreamt I was Megan Fox.

Now the question I have is... was I looking at some dream Marianne left behind in her pillow, or did someone just perform an Inception on me?


It's been 69 nights away from my bed. Tonight, I'm going back.

Day 2

Dear prospective SC3219 (Sexuality) students,

Please turn up on time (10am) this Wed (August 11) at LT10.  There will be a special guest star, a filmmaker, who will screen some movies, and you can ask questions thereafter. 

If you have decided to read this module, print out the following Statement of Consent, sign it and bring to the lecture theater on Wed, August 11 before viewing the films.  (Note:  former students claimed that the visuals shown in SC3219 were not as explicit as they hoped even though the Statement of Consent they signed appeared to hint that way.  Read the Statement carefully:  what is deemed explicit or erotic or obscene, etc varies widely I am not here to settle all these demands.  Moreover, if you are longing for visual pleasures, you probably know where to source that out.  Still, you need to sign this Statement of Consent to acknowledge that this is a Sexuality course you are taking.)

This morning I woke up and realised that I had just signed up for a module on Sexuality, not Gender. When I took the gender module last sem, I watched "Anna and the King". But this was about Sexuality. Difference? Gender looks into issues concerning the roles of man and woman- you know, the power struggle between the king of Siam and Anna kinda thingy? 

Sexuality... looks into matters concerning your choice of sexual partners. 

So I strode into the lecture theatre after reading my bible and sat next to Yaoqi as we watched some really beautiful short films. One spanish one had a threesome, one had neo swee lin struggling with a gay son and the last had nick shen as one arrested for gay activities, all of which were wonderfully, beautifully shot and produced. It was actually very well done. I spoke to the director after that to find out how in the world he shot the night scenes without proper lighting. I really want to watch his latest Singapore film. No, it's not a gay film. It's communist.

Came out to find Amy in the canteen to my joy- she's my friend from last sem's gender studies class who brought me to timbre for the first time and ordered me a pint (I finished a fifth), and I was not sure if she would stay on to do her honors. Looks like she did! Anyhow she told me that sexuality was the most difficult level 3000 module in sociology. Nice.

Then, having a 4 hour break, I went to visit my gender studies lecturer from last sem. I knocked on her door and heard her voice but she didn't open the door. I knocked again but there was no reply. Thinking I heard wrong, I turned to leave, when another student knocked on the door of the room opposite and when the door opened I found out where my lecturer's voice was coming from. Hahaha. Nice! So I sat down and had a wonderful chat with her. 

So I'm done with day 2, I've eaten at 2 new stalls in arts canteen today, and I've another item to strike off my list. And one more to add actually- I want to go for the CPR refresher course in NUS. Then I'll be certified to kiss sleeping beauty.

NUSSU! Hurry up and give us our student diaries please! I cannot plan for the future without it! I voted for you/PAP already!

Day 1

It was a cool grey morning, and as i left the house, dad asked me if I did up my hair. "No, coz I'm in my second year now." Armed with shorts, t-shirt and sandals, I didn't bother dressing up for the first day of school.

This is probably the first day of my last semester in NUS, the beauty of which is that I have 6 months to say goodbye, day by day, to the place I've come to love.

Today was nothing short of amazing. My new lecturer called my name like... 20 times in class? And someone who knew me from JC commented that it looked like I had not aged since JC.

What does that mean? I asked.

"You seem happy. You're not jaded like everyone else."

Maybe it was the return to India. Maybe it was being back in school and seeing all the people I miss. Maybe it was that greek goddess of a lecturer who taught me last sem who I walked past. Either way, I'm happy today.

And here are things I want to do before I blow out of NUS.

• Dye my hair

• Watch the sunset from:
• AS7 roof
• Engineering building
• Library roof
• Kent Ridge Park

• Eat at:
• Every stall of the arts canteen.
• Ma la huo guo
• Megabytes
• Business canteen
• Engineering canteen
• Sheares Hall- Chicken for Supper

• Join fencing

• Go for salsa night

• Visit my favourite Japanese Lecturer

I ate at business canteen today! And I ate with my hands. One down! Hahaa but i burnt my fingers. Heh. And the Ma la huo guo stall is closed! Sob. Never mind, there is still much to do this sem.

Imma gonna live like I'm dying. I kinda am right?

I thought I was going to die last night.

I have never really feared death. Not till last night.

I was working on my video for BMCH, the Christian hospital in India that I lived in for the whole of last month. The video will help the head doctor garner support from USA when he visits in a few days. They really need the support and have been in the red for several months, serving the poor at a very low price.

Nothing has gone smoothly since I began working on this video. Every technical problem that could happen, and some that could not happen, happened. I failed to complete it in India, and brought the video home to have the whole SMU Broadcasting team assist me in converting the video to something I can work with.

When the technicalities were finally out of the way, I started throwing up. After I rested for an entire day and recovered from the food poisoning, I lost the hand written script for the video. I found it the day after between my TV table and the opaque glass table covering. Like where? Then yesterday I woke with a terribly painful jaw joint on the right.

I had lost too much time. The video needs to be in US on the 12th of August. Last night I was rushing the video until 4am, and only managed to finish half of it. My jaw was so pain I realised I needed to stop and rest, for I could no longer work. I had only 5 hours of sleep the night before and could barely hold out.

As I reached to turn off the light, my thumb scraped the wall and the nail split. Suay is one thing. Spiritual attack is another. This, was spiritual attack. The devil didn't want me to finish this video.

I trimmed off the broken nail and peeled off some of the exposed skin, clipped up the fluttering curtain with 3 clothes pegs (though I normally use only 1) and went to bed. Moments after I lay down, the 3 pegs came off, the wind blew and the curtain brushed my face to make sure I don't get to sleep.

And I was seized by a sudden irrational fear. I knew I was under spiritual attack, I knew it was getting worst, and I knew I was not strong enough to deal with this. As I felt the thick wave of fear enter the room I cried out in the name of Jesus, sang a vesper and said the Lord's prayer aloud. Then there was peace, and I slept.

Today I was sneezing all afternoon.

I feared for my life last night. I honestly feared an unnatural death. But at least I've found something worth dying for.

Keep me in prayer. Please.

Missions Festival 2010

I was at the station manned by HealthServe, one of the few organizations that helps migrant workers in Singapore.

First, we were asked to write down the first 3 words that came to mind the moment we thought of migrant workers. I don't even want to list my answers.

Then 30 of us squeezed into the adjacent room which they had set up to look like an actual workers' dormitory in Singapore. The beds were so close to each other they could only keep their luggage along the isles, standing up. Then again, I would not call those beds. It's more like boards. There were no mattresses, just flattened cardboard boxes in their place. Laundry was hanging all over, and plastic insects scattered all over the floor gave us a faint idea of what these workers had to endure.

One of the actual foreign workers there commented that this room looked like heaven compared to where he lives. Maybe coz in his dorm the fans were removed. "Why!?" a caucasian lady asked. "To save electricity." But of course.

The 30 of us packed into the room the way these workers are on a daily basis and watched this video, made by one of the workers that HealthServe came into contact with.



We headed back to the previous room, sat down, and looked at our 3 points we had written in the beginning. Then we were told more about their plight, and how trapped they are here. If they get injured, their employer can make use of a loophole in the system to strike off their contract to not need to settle all the legal complications. And the only legal authority, the Ministry of Manpower, tends to side with the employers. The government uses taxpayers money to help Singaporeans you see.

I was already holding back tears as some of us began to ask one of the foreign workers questions. "Why did you come to Singapore?" we asked him, and he replied in Chinese, "The agent told us life is good in Singapore."

"Do you regret coming to Singapore?" someone asked. I could not hold back my tears any longer.

"After coming here... I'd rather work in China." he said. Then he lifted up his left hand, and we were told he was injured a few months back and could no longer bend his fingers. He started crying, and left the room.


Find me a place where I can weep, and I will.

Spiritual Warfare TTM!

I've never faced so many setbacks in making a single video before.

Absolutely everything that could go wrong, and some things that could not go wrong, went wrong.

Yesterday I fell deathly sick, and the deadline looms close.

Today could not find the outline of the video, though I showed it to mom yesterday.

I'm making a video for the Indian hospital I visited to help them garner support from overseas.

Devil doesn't seem to like the idea of it.

Please, please pray.

Melanie

The devil's trick is to make us think our suffering is unique to ourselves.

Pray against it.


Before I left for India, I was struggling. No one seemed to understand what I was going through. How could anyone anyway. None of my friends whom I had grown up with had been counseling others the way I had. In every group of people I grew up with, I was the group counsellor. People turned to me for help, but because counseling relationships are not friendships, I had few friends, and knew little of how to make and keep friends.

I cried out to the Lord for help.

Then I started doing what I had never done in a long time. Meeting up with people, and being open with them. Not something a counsellor does, but something friend does.

And then I came to Melanie, who I only just met last year, who had been the group counsellor of all the groups she grew up with till now, who was struggling with the exact same thing as I was.

The devil's trick is to make us think our suffering is unique to ourselves.

Pray against it.

Share

I want to create something that can touch people as deeply as I have been touched.

But I know not how.

I studied writing and folding, cutting and drawing, filming and photography.

But I can't find a way to say the things I feel.


I'm writing this with tears in my eyes.

Sunday in Church

(Justin is talking to Tanya when young Alexandre interrupts)

Alexandre: She's your girlfriend!

Justin: No she's not. Why would you say she's my girlfriend?

Alexandre: Because you are smiled when you saw her.

Justin: But I smile at all the girls in church.

Auntie Siok Yang: Yes, he even smiles at me.

Beauty

The word "beauty" was heard only once in my 22 days in India, and it was mentioned by me.

People there did not seem to bother as much as we do about physical beauty. Sure they dress up and all, but they don't go to the great lengths that we do to beautify ourselves.

We say we look at the heart, but as long as we keep talking about physical beauty, we're not going to ever let ourselves forget it.

I came back to Singapore and was suddenly so conscious of myself.

MLIA

Marianne Lives in Africa!

As you can see, she's fitting in so well we can hardly tell her from the locals.

Studying Randomness

I always wondered why things in movies always got so coincidental. Why are people always in the right place at the right time? I thought such things don't happen in reality, but if these chance encounters appear to in every movie, could we say it's because it really happens in real life?

Here's an idea of what happened to me over 3 days this week.


Wednesday

• Forgot to bring the kite for Bernice.
• Chinese stranger asked me if I wanted to know more about Jesus.
• Drove pass this soya bean shop with dad. He wanted a cup, but there was a long queue.

Thursday

• Forgot to bring the kite for Bernice.
• Cheryl was late for dinner, so I spent the time reading the comic "Kick Ass" in Ion Orchard.
• Israeli strangers asked me if I could help them get out of the labyrinthine Ion Orchard.
• Decided to go elsewhere with Cheryl for supper- drove past the soya bean shop again.

Friday

• Brought the kite out for Bernice.
• Malay stranger asked me if I was going fishing.
• Saw this guy at the MRT platform wearing a "Kick Ass" shirt.
• Followed him till he turned around and realised he was my NS officer.
• Bible study question asked us if we have any Jewish friends to enquire about the Purim festival.

Can someone please help me make sense of it?

Sabbath

It's the most broken commandment of the 10, even though it's put in the 4th position. It's also probably the least enforced or talked about.

No one takes a break now, especially in Singapore. The benefits don't outweigh the cost. In fact, what are the benefits anyway?

But being a good christian boy wannabe, I decided to give it a go this year. I had a 3 day school week, so I thought I can finally try to take a full day off work.

Nothing magical happened. I was sometimes stressed over not doing work. It made me feel guilty. Especially thinking about how everyone else was working when I was slacking- that made things tough. I'm kiasu too you know... But I stuck with it, and for half a year did no work on the Sabbath.

(Sundays were working days to me because I was serving in church all day it was more tiring than filling, so I followed the Jews and took Saturday off.)

The turning point came in India. I had but 22 days there do change the world. That's very little time to spend several days slacking off! But I realised that if I could not even keep the 10 commandments during a mission trip, I've completely missed the point. So I took a day off for each of the 3 weeks there in India.

Something changed within me there. I realised what the Sabbath was really about. For so long I've been only keeping the first half of it- do no work. But I had missed out on the other half- Keep it holy.


When was the last time you noticed the old woman who cleans the rubbish dump under your block of flats on a Saturday afternoon, or the construction worker laboring in the hot sun to build our homes? When was the last time you acknowledged their presence? When was the last time you smiled at someone you didn't know?

When was the last time you looked at the sky, or stopped to watch kites fly, or the planes fly past, or appreciate the beauty of flowers with lens and eye?

When was the last time you danced in the streets and sang aloud to your heart's content? Or visited the block next to yours? Or visit the garden of your neighbors, or at least look at their collection of potted plants?

When was the last time you noticed how much your neighborhood has changed?

When's the last time you kissed your parents? Even one of them?

When was the last time you prayed?


For me, that day was today. And it was the most radical Sabbath I've had. To not work is to slack, which gives no pleasure. But to get out and enjoy the surroundings God has put around you, and to share the joy with anyone you meet, that... is awesomeness.

Try it. I dare you. Go out, wear whatever you want, and go with the intention of making others smile. Then you'll understand why God made enjoyment a rule-

For once, I can say I have a life.

If you don't dare, but want to try, let me know. I'll accompany you next Saturday, or any Saturday as long as I'm around. As long as you're going for the same reason as I am of course.

Exodus 20:8-11 (New International Version)

 ⁸ "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. ¹¹ For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.