Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

by Roald Dahl

As soon as Wolf began to feel

That he would like a decent meal,

He went and knocked on Grandma's door.

When Grandma opened it, she saw

The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,

And Wolfie said, "May I come in?"

Poor Grandmamma was terrified,

"He's going to eat me up!" she cried.

And she was absolutely right.

He ate her up in one big bite.

But Grandmamma was small and tough,

And Wolfie wailed, "That's not enough!

I haven't yet begun to feel

That I have had a decent meal!"

He ran around the kitchen yelping,

"I've got to have a second helping!"

Then added with a frightful leer,

"I'm therefore going to wait right here

Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood

Comes home from walking in the wood."

He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,

(Of course he hadn't eaten those).

He dressed himself in coat and hat.

He put on shoes, and after that,

He even brushed and curled his hair,

Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.

In came the little girl in red.

She stopped. She stared. And then she said,

"What great big ears you have, Grandma."

"All the better to hear you with,"

the Wolf replied.

"What great big eyes you have, Grandma."

said Little Red Riding Hood.

"All the better to see you with,"

the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled.

He thought, I'm going to eat this child.

Compared with her old Grandmamma,

She's going to taste like caviar.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, "

But Grandma, what a lovely great big

furry coat you have on."

"That's wrong!" cried Wolf.

"Have you forgot

To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?

Ah well, no matter what you say,

I'm going to eat you anyway."

The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.

She whips a pistol from her knickers.

She aims it at the creature's head,

And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.

A few weeks later, in the wood,

I came across Miss Riding Hood.

But what a change! No cloak of red,

No silly hood upon her head.

She said, "Hello, and do please note

My lovely furry wolfskin coat."

Orly?

  ,__,
 (O,O)
/),',',',)
    ˆ ˆ

Forever Alone

Let me begin by saying that this post is not an emo one.

I love the Forever Alone guy you see above.

He's the representation of rebellion against the hegemonic notion of having to get attached or life is not worth living.


But most of all, he gives us a way to laugh at ourselves by laughing at him.

You see, we're not seen as that different if we have someone/something/a symbol to identify with.


I love being single, and I'm glad I am.

There was a time when I was not glad to be single, but I realised if I didn't know how to enjoy life alone, how was I ever going to enjoy life married?

So I resolved to live life to its fullest, with or without someone.

And I am happy, and I can laugh at myself, the Forever Alone guy, and Severus Snape:

Wahahaha!

Alright now why did I even brought this up? I think it's an apt way to introduce this Monday's music video. It's one of the most catchy songs I know, and it's such a celebration song, used even during Marianne Lee and Sam's wedding.



These guys... while playing a most awesome song about love, TROLLED!!!

And in the process of celebrating love, ended up affirming the singles too, because the only single people in the whole video were the coolest ones, the very ones who were playing to the song of love loudest.

This blog is gonna go through a major revamp

If the state of my table reflects the state of my life, then a change of blogskin shall represent a change in my life.

I lasted till day 22

Haha. It's funny come to think back at what I wrote 80 days ago.

I was in pain then, but knew not who I could talk to. So I blogged, but because I could not have it appear immediately- I was not ready to talk to people about it- I queued it to be posted in future. At least I got it off my chest then.

And thank you Kim for coming to my aid when I didn't want it but needed it.


Anyway, today is my 8th day of not liking anyone. Haha.

But this time it's different.


Or so we'll see. Hahah.

I wrote this on the 5th day

I didn't want to post this video, but I think I should.

It is simple, well filmed, and captures an emotion perfectly.


They are asian, but have a heavy American accent.

So to give you a head start, the first line said is:

"Did you love him?"




When this video started, I felt as though my heart stopped.

But it was not in the way that my breath was taken away.

No, it was different this time.

It felt like my heart was totally guarded from the emotions that arose.

It was strange to me- I watched it and thought it a nice film, but it did not affect me the way films like this used to.


I've never seen a short film I've liked so much, that I didn't like so much.

This post is not about the film by the way, it's about me.

I noticed something about myself while watching this film.


You see I wrote this blogpost on the 5th day...

the 5th consecutive day that I did not like anyone.

I know it's no big deal to you that I could hold out for 5 days without falling for a girl, even though I tend to be attracted to them easily.

It's not a big thing to me either.

But it's just that this time... I feel different.

I'm... tired.

Of romance, and love, and all that this world tells us to hold dear.


I'm tired.


I wrote this on the 5th day and scheduled it for a distant date in the future.

If I still continue feeling the same way as I did when I wrote this post...

Then today would be day 80.


I wonder if I this feeling will last.

We'll see.

What women want

My friend YatKah posted this on FB:

And it got me thinking...

This must have been written by a guy...

Because it is so true.


I have spent the past 10 years studying women (I'm not kidding. I even minored in gender studies and wanted to major in it had there been that option), but after all my extensive field research, I find I'm still left with a tabula rasa (i.e. the book above).

I still don't understand a thing about women.





Women are like quantum mechanics; You are not supposed to understand quantum mechanics. And i don't mean it's difficult to understand- the fundamental rules of quantum mechanics, like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, dictate that we do not know and cannot know what is really going on on the quantum level. If we do understand, it's not quantum mechanics.

Let me quote S. Weinberg, the nobel laureate who asked his friend about a promising student of Physics who had dropped out of the course:

I asked Candelas what had interfered with the ex-student's research. 

Candelas shook his head sadly and said, 

"He tried to understand quantum mechanics."

Some things are not meant to be understood.


But that does not mean that we as men have not learnt anything...

Here was my reply to YatKah's post on the book "Everything Men Know About Women":

And it was not only her who agreed.

Women will always be an enigma. But that is fine because both men and women struggle to understand them - and it's not men's fault alone (even though most guys don't realise that).


_-_-_


Now is the opposite true for men?

Well someone attempted to play the same joke but now it was directed towards understanding men.

My first thought was that this book was written by a woman.

It is so false.


But it was actually written by a guy... which leaves me little to say in his defense after he shot himself in the foot and told the world what he thinks all men think about, though it's probably only him.

Come on, the moment I saw the title of this book I had so many thoughts to fill this book with!

I probably need to prove this to female readers. Fine, here's what the book will really have on the inside if it was true:

There you go. The guys will get it.


Guys like to break stuff down, literally and figuratively. They love big explosions and the cannons that cause them. They pride themselves in being able to understand things that are too complex for most women to bother trying, and are often excited by mechanical details and techniques.


Ah, but for as long as men pride themselves in being able to understand the most complex of systems, women will always be able to humble them by reminding men that they never have, and never will understand women. Never mind the fact that women don't understand themselves. Thus life is fair.



PS: I have shown you that men think of a lot more than sex most of the time, but i think i need to highlight a circumstantial exception: I'm sorry to say this... but men become perfect reflections of the blank book (What All Men Think About Other Than Sex) in the presence of a provocatively dressed girl. It's not easy for men to think about anything else in her stimulating presence. On that note, ladies, please be kind to men and dress up nicely and decently, especially if you want them to be thinking nice thoughts.

There Are Holes In The Sky

by Spike Milligan

There are holes in the sky

Where the rain gets in

But they're ever so small

That's why the rain is thin.

She thinks, therefore I am...

She thinks I'm a man,
therefore I am a man.

Oh my goodness I'm facing the mother of all identity crises now.

One cloudy day...

I was at the canteen having my lunch.

It was just after a heavy downpour.

As I stared closely, I saw a whole lot of rainflies rising up from the ground.

The birds were swooping through the air and plucking them off in mid-air.

It was a massacre.

Cringe-Worthy Awesomeness

This was filmed before they wrote the song.

Tonight I is Buttercup.

I heard a hoot

It stopped me in my tracks.
Then came a second,
Confirming I had really heard it.
By the third I had already climbed over the parapet
and was gazing out into the darkness from the history department.
It was not a pigeon's hoot.
It was not like anything I have ever heard in my life.

I prayed to, but never saw the owl.

What Traveling Around the World Looks Like in 1 Minute

Rick, Tim and Andrew, three ordinary guys, decided to take a trip of a lifetime: 11 countries in 44 days. 18 flights and 38,000 miles later they have three 1-minute videos showing what life is like around the world.

They recorded everything off two cameras and ended up with over a terabyte of footage which they cut, mixed and matched into an awesomely seamless blend of every notable place they’ve been.

They broke down their trip into three parts: Move, which shows them walking around, Eat, which shows the delectable food they ate, and Learn, which shows all the amazing things they did.

Now go out and get a life.

What does it mean to be alive?

Started reading the story of Joseph on the train...

Reached the ending as I got on the NUS shuttle bus, and cried all the way to Arts.

The Pig

by Roald Dahl

In England once there lived a big

A wonderfully clever pig.

To everybody it was plain

That Piggy had a massive brain.

He worked out sums inside his head,

There was no book he hadn't read.

He knew what made an airplane fly,

He knew how engines worked and why.

He knew all this, but in the end

One question drove him round the bend:

He simply couldn't puzzle out

What LIFE was really all about.

What was the reason for his birth?

Why was he placed upon this earth?

His giant brain went round and round.

Alas, no answer could be found.

Till suddenly one wondrous night.

All in a flash he saw the light.

He jumped up like a ballet dancer

And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"

"They want my bacon slice by slice

"To sell at a tremendous price!

"They want my tender juicy chops

"To put in all the butcher's shops!

"They want my pork to make a roast

"And that's the part'll cost the most!

"They want my sausages in strings!

"They even want my chitterlings!

"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!

"That is the reason for my life!"

Such thoughts as these are not designed

To give a pig great peace of mind.

Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,

A pail of pigswill in his hand,

And piggy with a mighty roar,

Bashes the farmer to the floor…

Now comes the rather grizzly bit

So let's not make too much of it,

Except that you must understand

That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,

He ate him up from head to toe,

Chewing the pieces nice and slow.

It took an hour to reach the feet,

Because there was so much to eat,

And when he finished, Pig, of course,

Felt absolutely no remorse.

Slowly he scratched his brainy head

And with a little smile he said,

"I had a fairly powerful hunch

"That he might have me for his lunch.

"And so, because I feared the worst,

"I thought I'd better eat him first."

What to do when doing the night shift

I was the only one taking care of Ah Kong's body at the wake one night.

I had to remain awake the whole night.


Well...

After eating about a gazillion peanuts I figured I had to do something else.

Inspiration came upon me:

What better time to do be creative?

One Instrument to Scare Them All

You've heard it in every horror movie.

Now you see the instrument responsible for the freakiest sounds in Hollywood.



Get me one for Christmas and I'll play it every time someone I don't like enters the room.

My name is Justin

I write this post with my name because I'm being painfully honest. This is me as I really am, not the joker, not the student, not the sunday school teacher, nor the fencer. This is just me, just as I am.

And as Adele says, "You ain't see nothing like me yet."

I post of awesomeness and I do things that seem cool. I enjoy life in its richness and pray against gloom and doom. I try to be big. I try to be mature and make a difference in the lives of people around me. I dream big and hope to one day go out into the field as a missionary. 

But... the truth is... 

I'm not a man. Not yet.

I don't know what I'm doing, I make a mess out of so many things, and I don't know a lot of things I should at this age. Sure I wish I could be who I was made to be, but I'm still like a boy, and like Melanie likes to say, "Boys are stupid."

I'm still in a liminal stage. I'm still in the transition. I'm half-formed and barely learning to walk, but I hope to one day fly in a world where people are contented with walking or at most running.

And I desire to one day be able to hold a heart in my hands, but... my hands are far too small now. 

When I am a man, then maybe I can.

Till then, strength, strength oh Lord.

Give me the strength to be alone till the day these things come to pass.

And tempt me not with anything that may hamper my growing in you.

May my joy be in You and in You alone.

Auspicious

Nice date and time to post a secret.

I confess that my dream pet is no longer a cat.

Yes that you may already know.

Okay some didn't even know my dream pet is a cat.

Never mind.

What you don't know is my current dream pet.


I liked cats coz they are mysterious. And pretty. And independent.

But I found a pet that's all that, and more.


My dream pet...

Is an owl.

See I found a pet that has eyes as mysterious as a cat's. It looks beautiful and sometimes even cute. But what makes it even more mysterious than a cat is the simple fact that owls are less common.

It's chinese name is 猫头鹰 after all... 

That translates to "cat-headed-eagle".

So it's like a cat... but cooler coz it's also like an eagle.


How much do we know about owls anyway?




And though the cat is an elegant hunter that can catch prey, there is something about the way an owl hunts that is so drop-dead gorgeous.

And deadly.



This took my breath away.


So the owl is my new dream pet-

coz it's so mysterious,

so beautiful, 

and so deadly- 

all at the same time.

If you ever lose something on the train...

Get to the control station and report it straight away.

It doesn't matter which station you are in, they are able to communicate much faster directly with each other that way, rather than you going online to type in the missing item form and waiting indefinitely.

I left my Macbook Pro at the LRT station near my house yesterday.

By the time I reached Kent Ridge station, the station staff back at home station had already found it, checked through the CCTV, and sent a report to the other stations regarding a 17-20 year old male student in green shirt wearing specs and a haversack who had left a laptop behind.

I was wanted on all stations already, but I did not yet realise I had left my laptop behind. 

How amazing was that.

Later I returned to Punggol and spoke to the control station staff at the station about my misplaced item. 

They said I matched the description and asked me for the contents of the laptop to prove it was mine.

I said the desktop picture is that of a girl holding an "I love you" sign.

The station staff gestured and asked me if it was a picture of the the girl I was with.

No, I said. 

It's Taylor Swift.

Nice day.

Though I did badly in my tests and lost my laptop...

The SBS Transit people found my laptop, thought I was 3 years younger than I really am, and assumed my sister was my girlfriend.

It was quite a good day I'd say.

Tumblr

The source of inspiration.

I like Tumblr.

But I have one problem with it.


Everything is cool and inspiring, to the extent that I want to follow the advise given and live out my life as Tumblr says.


But Tumblr pictures are... contradicting:

Me too, goodnight.