My name is Justin

I write this post with my name because I'm being painfully honest. This is me as I really am, not the joker, not the student, not the sunday school teacher, nor the fencer. This is just me, just as I am.

And as Adele says, "You ain't see nothing like me yet."

I post of awesomeness and I do things that seem cool. I enjoy life in its richness and pray against gloom and doom. I try to be big. I try to be mature and make a difference in the lives of people around me. I dream big and hope to one day go out into the field as a missionary. 

But... the truth is... 

I'm not a man. Not yet.

I don't know what I'm doing, I make a mess out of so many things, and I don't know a lot of things I should at this age. Sure I wish I could be who I was made to be, but I'm still like a boy, and like Melanie likes to say, "Boys are stupid."

I'm still in a liminal stage. I'm still in the transition. I'm half-formed and barely learning to walk, but I hope to one day fly in a world where people are contented with walking or at most running.

And I desire to one day be able to hold a heart in my hands, but... my hands are far too small now. 

When I am a man, then maybe I can.

Till then, strength, strength oh Lord.

Give me the strength to be alone till the day these things come to pass.

And tempt me not with anything that may hamper my growing in you.

May my joy be in You and in You alone.