Poem to My Wife

Cummings says "I carry your heart"

(I carry it in my heart)

I carry the heart of one I do not know

To every single place I go.

I can't run from it

Once I'm alone I realize it

I feel it.

No, enough. How can I feel so much for one I know not?

Sanity! For Sanity I must stop.

Everywhere I go I think of you

Every movie I watch reminds me of you

Every mountain I climb I wish for you.

I cannot keep seeking you

I must not keep seeking you

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Could she be my wife?"

Every girl I walk past has me think about the same.

I've seeked & searched but failed and failed

It's driving me INSANE!

Enough, enough it must now stop.

I can no longer

I must no longer

carry your heart.

Shears Supper

Last night I found out the meaning of decadence.

When they say cheese fries, they meant the whole dish was covered with cheese.

I wanted to post a picture but my blog is just too small for a dish so big.

Girl on the Roof

Boy: See how the clouds look like a monkey covering his face? The stars are his eyes.

Girl: Yeah.

(A while later)

Boy: Now the clouds look like the face of a dog. The moon is his eye.

Girl: Yeah.

(A while later)

Boy: Oh wow. Look at how the clouds have formed a ridge line in the distance. And the moon shines down the valley at the plain of grass and it seems like we're on one mountain overlooking the other.

Girl: Yeah.

(A while later)

Boy: Do you actually see what I'm talking about or are you just saying yes to keep conversation moving along?

Girl: I have no idea what you're talking about.

I survived...

...the worst day of the year, thus far.

It was a very painful roller coaster ride of emotions.

Thank God for a father to talk to. Or at least tell me what to do.

This post would have been so much worst if not for him.

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

Yay.

Today was a bad day from the start.

I write emo poem on the bus.

Then I saw pretty girl and notice notice pasted outside classroom:

Hello Melanie!

And hello Ruo Yu!

I know Melanie reads my blog; I'm not so sure about Ruo Yu.

Either way, I want to thank the both of you.

Your encouragement has got me back on track with my pop-up card making, and this weekend I just started on another one!

I know my delivery is one year late already, but at least I'm working on it again.

Once Again

I walked past the benches again today.

It's the first time I'm in school on a Monday this year.

I didn't even have classes today.

I know there's little hope of seeing her here, but to me there's beauty in a love that ignores all obstacles, that always hopes and always trusts.

And guess what else happened today?

Good old Desiree got me the girl's email address.

Lost in the Woods

Somewhere between the study of Psychology and Gender, I find myself lost in the woods.

This week during Personality Psychology lecture, we were exposed to the Rorschach Inkblot Test. All you need to do is describe the random blots of ink and tell the examiner what you see.

Some saw a seahorse, others saw some sea creatures.

This was what scared me.

I saw a man in a bath tub with his hands tied behind his head to a pole. And it gets worst the longer I look at it.

-

And then we come to the issue on gender.

"Easy choice," I once thought.

Then I found out that the difference is not that obvious.

Do you know that your DNA might have the male Y chromosome (which would normally make you a guy) but you could look like a girl because of a hormone receptor malfunction? In simple English, you may be a guy, but if this hormone doesn't work in your body, you'll grow up thinking you're a girl, looking like a girl, and having all the parts of a girl. Then puberty arrives and all hell breaks loose. Your voice breaks and you start developing the way a guy would. So what gender are you now?

To make matters worst, there's a difference in academia between sex, gender and sexuality. Sex refers to the parts you got, sexuality refers to the type of others you like, and gender just refers about how you behave.

So... I could be male by birth, liking girls, but my gender could be female because I behave in a feminine way. I know my sex, I know my sexuality. But gender? That's a tough one.

Thus I say I'm lost in the woods. Next time I have to fill in a form asking for my gender, I'm going to check a 3rd box.

Sabbath

Yesterday was a Saturday and like any average Jewish person, I took a day off work.

This was more difficult than I thought. But that meant I was getting addicted to studying and thus a break was of critical importance to prevent a burn out.

So I tied my hair up in a bandanna, put on a wide hat, picked up a trekking stick, and walked into the sun in the direction of Punggol Barrage, which was still not open yet.

"When you go somewhere with the sole purpose of meeting with God, he will meet you."

And meet me, he did. He also introduced me to very nice people.

And I also ignored two "DANGER NO ENTRY" signboards. I was on a date with the owner of the universe so I feared nothing.

I was walking out of Punggol Marina Club along a lonely road in the hot sun. A car slowed down next to me, and like any average friendly Singaporean, offered me a lift out of this inaccessible place. It made my day, but I was heading towards the sea so I declined.

I took a wrong turn, ending up at another way out construction site, and found myself surrounded by 4 new mainland Chinese workers. And like any average friendly Singaporean, I welcomed them to Singapore and since they were looking for a beach, led them by foot to Punggol Point. I spent the afternoon with them, even sending them back to their dormitory at one of the construction sites in Punggol.

I sat at the playground after dinner- reflecting and journaling, reading my Bible a little and talking to God as the sun set and the children played.

I came home and Dad asked how my day was. I told him about my chat with the 4 chinese dudes who I really enjoyed the afternoon with.

"What god do you believe in?" I asked in my broken Chinese.

"Oh we believe in the Goddess of Mercy. You know what that is about?" They replied.

"Yes, I do," I said as one of them showed me his pendent.

"It also means we are afraid of ghost. So we don't go out at night." One of the brothers continued, "So what about you?"

I smiled and said, "I believe in Jesus. That means I am not afraid of ghost and I go out at night."

You know... Yesterday seems so unreal. It was so awesome I could well have been making it up.

But I'm not. I got tan lines to prove it.

Hey where did that post come from???

I didn't post the post on David Blaine.

But I have no idea who did. It's not really spam...

Hmmm...

Punggol

Over Punggol airplanes roar
I find flyers at my door;
Every day a different face
Asking me to sell my place.

Here in Punggol time stands still;
Flying kites our means of thrill,
Soft drink bottles made of glass,
Giant, endless fields of grass.

Why in Punggol do I stay?
That is what my friends do say.
It's so very far away
And there's nothing there to play.

Punggol's silence is its charm;
Tranquil, peaceful, quiet, calm.
In this life of work and stress
Punggol is my place of rest.

David Blaine: How I held my breath for 17 min | Video on TED.com

David Blaine: How I held my breath for 17 minutes.David Blaine: How I held my breath for 17 min | Video on TED.comMy view of magicians is changed forever.

I walked past the benches again...

She wasn't there.

I'm finding it difficult to explain to the guys there who do recognise me why I keep walking past every day.

If God were a blogger...

He'd probably have one of those indie blogs.

He would write in the most beautiful way that no one else could.

He'd post things that would take your breath away.

But his blog would not have many hits.

I think the sky is God's blog.

Dodgy?

In the past week...

I did some strange things. Well, relatively strange to others but normal to me. Seize the opportunities presented you!

I taught a girl to fly a kite.

I sent a lot of money to a girl overseas.

I hugged a girl that I've never hugged before.

I helped a girl remove something from her hair.

I wrote a letter to a girl I have never written to before.

I gave a stuffed toy to a girl who rejected it the first time.

I told a random girl at the bus stop that she had a leaf in her hair.

I used the lap of the girl next to me as a table to eat my packet of noodles.

I went into an old folks home for 3 minutes, kissed a girl on her forehead, and left.

I got the number of my friend's sister, though it was the first time I was meeting her.

All these were different girls by the way. And in most cases, I'm not telling you the full story. But if you knew me, you'd already have figured that.

Kick A**

I just saw a trailer for an upcoming movie that I have already come to like. I really wanted to post it here, but it's for mature audiences... and so I shall refrain.

I'm not into blood and gore, but this movie is so excessively violent that it becomes ridiculous. Think Tom and Jerry (with giant hammers). It's just not possible. Which makes it so funny.

Any superhero movie is ridiculous after all, and this one in particular is aware of this, and plays up that fact with a whole lot of humor, which is what I am drawn to.

Oh yeah about the movie itself- it is about a boy with no powers and nothing better to do who dresses up like a super hero to look for trouble. His hero name?

Kick A**

It's so bad it's good.

Art

Transcends all boundaries.

To me the most beautiful thing about this form of art is that it is so transient. The drawings in the sand last but a moment and then are gone. Such passion and skill put into something that lasts but a breath.

Yet for the moment that the piece of art existed, it enthralled and impacted. It registered an emotional response and painted itself onto the canvas of the audience member's mind. And that makes this art so special. Because it can never be remade, it can only be appreciated as a memory, and thus it will always be remembered.

I don't seek to be like a work of art that generations after will treasure. I just want to be an impact while I still exist on this earth.

Hope

I made a detour to walk past a few study benches today.

I was looking for a girl who I had only seen there once.

She's not from our faculty.

I don't have her contacts.

But I had seen her there before.

I know I cling on to the unlikely hope of ever seeing her there again,

but that's the only hope that I have to cling on to.

I walked through the area twice.

She was not there today.

She was not here yesterday.

I brought something to give to her today.

I'll bring it again next week.

And I'll be back here next week.

Just in case she is.

Avatar

I had a date with the BFFFLF today. We were going to watch a movie we had both seen before.

Same same, but different. Avatar. In 3D this time.

Seeing Avatar in 3D was as good as watching a new movie. Though my eyes were droopy the rest of the day, it was money and time well spent.

My favourite character is an unlikely candidate though. Michelle Rodriguez plays a pilot with a name so strange no one I know remembers it. Samantha could remember the alien's names better than hers. But her character is my favourite. *spoiler alert*

Unlike all the other human good guys, this little girl doesn't fight in a remotely controlled body. Even the hero Jake Sully goes to war piloting an alien body while his real body is safety hidden in a base, so even if his Avatar gets killed, he just gets up from the machine unharmed.

This little girl doesn't have that luxury. She flies into the battle in person and brings her machine guns to bare. She risks her life and valiantly fights for what she believes in right till the end. She's not your usual hero because she doesn't live to tell the tale, but her martyrdom makes her my hero.

One more thing. The biggest criticism one would have of Jake Sully is that he slept with the chief's daughter before his true intentions for joining the tribe were made known, which broke her heart and makes him a problematic character. Michelle's character on the other hand had no such flaws, and she also did something totally worthy of respect.

When all the aircraft were firing upon the home tree, Michelle chose not to. This to me was awesome. She was not on the side of the alien race when she made this decision. In other words, she stood up against evil even when that meant she was the only one doing so.

That, to me, is a character worthy of respect.

So though she went down in flames, she did it fighting for what she believed in and died with an untainted character.

If only I could have such courage.

Humiliated

The past few days I have felt that in so many ways.

People stared as I could not walk properly (my calves were overstrained).

I made my classmates uncomfortable as I sneezed through every class and lecture (using up 3 packets of tissue).

I felt avoided.

And I could not get the modules I wanted.

Ah... yes.

All just God's way of reminding me that the great Justin is still only human.

Humiliated yes, but if that's what it takes to humble me before him, I'd gladly do it again and again.

You can't be emo if your heart is racing

Between the time I wanted to type out this blog and actually typing it, which is barely a minute, I forgot what I wanted to write.

My heart is still beating fast from the adrenaline rush.

I was going to blog about God.

Then I nearly burnt the house down.

And now... I don't know what to say.

Woah!

I thought our church people were crazy enough, commenting for 6 days on a picture of Samuel that looked like Jon Ma. Then I saw what our TCPC friends have been up to. This is a caption below a picture posted on Facebook:

(I'm not referring to what Titus said. Look at the number of comments.)

KCPC, we have a long way to go!

Fight

I'm learning not to compromise.

In other words I'm slowly, gently and subtly becoming an...

If you want to be a missionary...

You must overcome your fears.

Android

I held my new phone.

I put it down by my computer.

I went online.

I checked my phone.

I continued online.

I picked up my phone.

I watched tv.

I checked my phone.

I'm back online again.

I checked my phone again.

It's been a while since I've been so tied to my phone.

Cannot cannot cannot. I cannot go on like this.

It's time to do something I've not done in a long time.

The right, honorable thing.

2010

Well... bidding is going strangely, but in all, today wasn't that bad.

(Rachel, Zhi Han, Kim, Mari and Mom thanks for praying if you did.)

It's 2010!

There seem to be some "leaking taps" for me to fix.

And my top secret plans for the new year are yet to be hatched.

And my awesomely cute big eyed panda stuffed toy sitting by my laptop giving me encouragement with each terrible bidding round is yet to be named.

So much work to do. So exciting.

Just watch me go.

Radical, but not reckless.

Fearless, but not foolhardy.

Shocking, but not contradicting.

Swift

My sister and I had a debate over whether Taylor Swift played both the good and bad girl in the MTV for "You belong with me", like Avril did in "Girlfriend".

I froze this frame.

Justin: "See, it's her!"

Marianne: "See, it's not her!"

So who's right? It's a post-modern world so there is no such thing as absolute truth. Everyone has their own opinions and they are all equally correct.

TGIM

Grace

Restored

And I'm not talking about my faith in local English television shows, even though my faith in that was restored too.

The Week in Pictures

Think less, do more.

Talk less, show more.

Ta-da.

Someone really lost the plot this Christmas.

It never crossed my mind. (Please use for hand drying only.)

Did anyone notice this from Chris house? It's a view from the top!

All the rest can go fly kite.

My octopus finally took flight. One kite to rule them all.

Sunset at Punggol Marina Barrage.

Her name is Desiree.

So many choices, so little cash. One bubble toy, 8SGD.

*caption not required.

Read it aloud. It will make your day. And mine too.

Same same.

Epic fail/win.

(All taken by my Nokia E71.)

2009

No time to reflect on the year. Holiday until I need a break.

Then again, I spent the whole 2009 reflecting already.

Time to stop thinking, and start doing.

Watchnight

On the last night of the year, in church, there was a little dinner party.

And there was a man in a yellow shirt with an umbrella in his hand sitting on his own.

I had never seen him before.

He looked angry at something.

A while later, a friend came up to the clique I was with and told us to watch our things because there was a suspicious character around.

And so I ask, before we got all suspicious and judgmental of the new guy, did anyone offer him a glass of cold water and welcome him in?

Was anyone wondering why he would come into church in the first place?