Fencing was over and he began to question me in a rather concerned way.
"So how, did your father talk to you?"
Whut?
"Now that he knows about you being... You know... Has he spoken to you about it?"
Now you see, dad used to pick me up after fencing, so the team knows him.
"I told your dad about you."
I stared at him half expecting him to burst into laughter, but he didn't.
"Don't worry... It gets better."
Later on Florence came and put her arm around me and asked, "So how are your parents taking it?"
My glance fell to the floor as I replied, "they left the house."
That was when we could finally laugh.
I must say that was one of the greatest trolls I've ever experienced. It was especially good because it caught me in a way that I was not able to respond without making it seem like I was tring to hide something.
But it also made me think.
In a culture that is saturated with romance, it's almost a crime to be single for an extended period of time. With such a worldview it was easy to suspect me of being gay.
I'm not gay. In fact this year I've seen 2 plays, trespassed into 2 nature areas that were closed to the public, visited several different faculty canteens and watched the sunset in school from several locations- and each of these I did with a girl friend, though not the same one each time. (You know... I have a feeling when I actually do get a girlfriend, our dates are going to be terribly exciting. But I digress.)
As of late, the reasons for not getting a girlfriend are getting stronger.
First, I have a calling, and it's not a simple one.
Second, I am not worthy of the kind of girl I desire, until I become the man I desire to be.
The thing is that both of these affect each other. It's not fair to get attached now if I have dreams of living a poor and simple life. And on the other hand, to be taking a girlfriend now might well compromise on my calling, which I dare not to do.
So the main issue is this: I've still not self actualised.
I quote Elrond from LOTR, as he spoke to Aragorn regarding his calling to take the throne of Gondor (so as to rally the forces of good to banish evil once and for all) and his desire for Elrond's daughter:
I was speaking to my lecturers this week about my dreams for the future.
Plans are taking shape. I'm going to try to do an honors year to learn research methods, so that once I'm on the field in India I can conduct my own research and bring home not just stories but academic studies. But till then, I need to pull up my cumulative average point to qualify for writing a thesis.
It means hard work, and that must come first for now- for the sake of the kingdom, I lay down my rights.
"So how, did your father talk to you?"
Whut?
"Now that he knows about you being... You know... Has he spoken to you about it?"
Now you see, dad used to pick me up after fencing, so the team knows him.
"I told your dad about you."
I stared at him half expecting him to burst into laughter, but he didn't.
"Don't worry... It gets better."
Later on Florence came and put her arm around me and asked, "So how are your parents taking it?"
My glance fell to the floor as I replied, "they left the house."
That was when we could finally laugh.
I must say that was one of the greatest trolls I've ever experienced. It was especially good because it caught me in a way that I was not able to respond without making it seem like I was tring to hide something.
But it also made me think.
In a culture that is saturated with romance, it's almost a crime to be single for an extended period of time. With such a worldview it was easy to suspect me of being gay.
I'm not gay. In fact this year I've seen 2 plays, trespassed into 2 nature areas that were closed to the public, visited several different faculty canteens and watched the sunset in school from several locations- and each of these I did with a girl friend, though not the same one each time. (You know... I have a feeling when I actually do get a girlfriend, our dates are going to be terribly exciting. But I digress.)
As of late, the reasons for not getting a girlfriend are getting stronger.
First, I have a calling, and it's not a simple one.
Second, I am not worthy of the kind of girl I desire, until I become the man I desire to be.
The thing is that both of these affect each other. It's not fair to get attached now if I have dreams of living a poor and simple life. And on the other hand, to be taking a girlfriend now might well compromise on my calling, which I dare not to do.
So the main issue is this: I've still not self actualised.
I quote Elrond from LOTR, as he spoke to Aragorn regarding his calling to take the throne of Gondor (so as to rally the forces of good to banish evil once and for all) and his desire for Elrond's daughter:
"Therefore, though I love you, I say to you:
Arwen Undómiel shall not diminish her life's grace for less cause.
She shall not be the bride of any Man less than
the King of both Gondor and Arnor."
I was speaking to my lecturers this week about my dreams for the future.
Plans are taking shape. I'm going to try to do an honors year to learn research methods, so that once I'm on the field in India I can conduct my own research and bring home not just stories but academic studies. But till then, I need to pull up my cumulative average point to qualify for writing a thesis.
It means hard work, and that must come first for now- for the sake of the kingdom, I lay down my rights.
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