What I thought of The Avengers

It basically was the assembly of the world's biggest egos in a single room.

Or the assembly of the world's biggest movies in this generation, combined.

Here's the plot as I saw it.



*Spoilers ahead*



It took a bit of Stargate to get Loki to earth.


Then he used the power of Agent Smith from the Matrix to take control of Hawkeye and the scientist.


The ensuring explosion takes out the SHIELD base the way the movie 2012 took out the Earth and Aunt Robin barely escaped the collapsing cave in a car the way Pierce Brosnan did in Dante's Peak after driving backwards the way Mater did in Cars.


Cut to scenes of Black Widow being interrogated by guys we know are about to get whooped the way the guys in Iron Man 2 did. (Same moves and stunts, with the addition of a chair this time.) She asks Agent Phil on the phone to hold on while she kicks their butt the way Carmen Diaz did in Charlie's Angels 2.


Agent Phil visits Tony Stark on his new building and he pulls a Minority Report type interface out of the laptop with details on all the Avengers taken from their previous films.


Kid in India asks Dr Banner for help and runs through the city with him following like in Slumdog Millionaire and he gets enlisted.


Captain America shows off muscles in the gym the way the colonel in Avatar does so before enlisting too.


After arriving on the Shield aircraft carrier, it takes off the way the aliens do out of the water in Battleship.


Welcome to the command centre that is as advanced as the one used to track down Jason Bourne. Positive ID on Jason Bourne. I mean Loki. Both of whom are not trying to hide anyway.


Hawkeye does a Mission Impossible with last minute sending over of eyeball information from Loki and they get a rare metal to power the cube of infinite power that the Transformers were fighting over.


Loki makes people bow, but one old man resists like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino and he is saved by Captain America who jumps in out of nowhere (how he slipped through the crowd of thousands kneeling I still don't get.)


With Iron Man's help they capture Loki who then gets thrown out of the plane by Thor the way Major Lennox threw Galloway out of the plane in Transformers 2. Iron Man grabs his helmet and jumps out of the plane like he did in his second movie, and Captain America follows like he did in his first.


On the ground, 3 of the world's finest egos are smashing each other to pulp the way the top 3 Soldier 1st Class in Final Fantasy Crisis Core did. No one really injured of course.


Back on the Heli-Carrier they imprison Loki and study his scepter, and his raises tension among the whole group who don't realise that the sceptre is a horcrux and turning all of them against each other.


Hawkeye strikes and takes down an engine and plants a virus that shuts down another engine in a way only someone who acted in Mission Impossible 4 could do. The heores' base loses altitude with the propellers down, as was the case in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen when one of the heroes betrayed the rest and planted bombs in their mobile base, the Nautilus submarine. In both cases the heroes rushed to get the propellors restarted, before they crash into land or sink into sea.


Unruly Hulk rampages after Black Widow the way Juggernaut rampaged after the mutant producing The Cure in X-Men 3, smashing walls and all.


Hulk jumps onto a small plane that came out of this big plane the way Captain America did on Red Skull's giant plane. Hulk falls to earth, as does Thor who is rolling from floor to ceiling to wall like in Inception as the room he's in free falls.


Captain America is blasted out of the moving vehicle again the way he was in his previous movie at the essential time that he needed to save his friend Bucky/Tony. Bucky died and Tony got kicked up real bad by the propeller.


Loki opens the portal on Stark tower creating a blue beam in the sky like on Independence Day.


Captain America, Hawkeye and Black Widow pull an Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli walking scene right out of Monsters Incorporated which had ripped off the scene from Armageddon.


The metaloid Decepticons attack out of the portal and besiege the city like they did in Transformers 3. Shia LaBeouf and the rest of the Autobots make their way into the city, hijacking enemy planes to do so. Oh wait sorry no Autobots, same scene, different film. Giant metal serpentine flying creature that tunnels through buildings taken out by a flying Iron Man the way a flying Optimus Prime took out a giant metal serpentine creature that tunnels through buildings controlled by Soundwave.


The higher ups authorize the use of nukes, which essentially is burning down the house to kill a mouse. Not much different from the higher ups in The Core who want to zap the core of the earth that had stopped spinning with the exact bolt of energy that had made it stop. But the team in The Core was in the core and in the blast radius, the way the Avengers were in the city that was to be nuked. The team in the Core tried their own method with the help of Rat at HQ to undermine the system, as the Avengers did with the help of Nick Fury who shot down one of the planes carrying the nuclear missile.


Black Widow gets to the machine with the help of Hawkeye who shoots like Bullseye in Daredevil, without looking at the target.


With all his might, Iron Man carried the nuke that would destroy the city into space, the way Superman, with all his might in Superman Returns, carried the Kryptonite Island that would destroy the world into space. Super/Iron Man came falling down and were thought to be dead.


Robert Downy Jr. was shocked out of his death in Sherlock Holmes 2 by an antidote. He was shocked out of his death in the Avengers by Hulk, the antidote.


They put Loki in a Hannibal mask and Power Rangers teleport him away.


And after the credits, floating in the rubble after the huge explosion in space, something survived. No, it's not the Silver Surfer who was floating in the rubble after the huge explosion in space in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, it's Thanos, who smiles like an intelligent monkey from Rise of the Planet of the Apes.


That's all.


So basically... Avengers took not just the most famous heroes of our time and put them in a single film, but took all the famous film ideas of our time and put them in a single film.

Something like this...





But I'll give it to Avengers for coming up with something original.

One scene to rule them all.

Hulk and Loki.



Oh wait Indiana Jones did something like that already when he pulled a gun on a swordsman.

Argh.