White

I heard a thud at my window last night.

Something had impacted, and had fallen into my room.


I knew it was not something as big as a bird, but it was no small bug

I jumped up fearing it could be a big flying cockroach.

Then saw it, clinging on to my camera bag.


A big beetle.

4cm long.

Completely white.


I managed to capture this white elephant with my pokeball (plastic food container) after a minor struggle. It's feet clung on to the bag for dear life and would not let go.

I wanted to release it, for this truly was something rare, but it needed space.


So I kept it overnight, letting it listen to the entire soundtrack from Sucker Punch.





I slept with the sound of the beetle scratching against the plastic all night.


This morning, I took another look at the white beetle.

I felt lonely. This beetle had come to accompany me.

I wrote my name and handphone number on it's huge shell, and drew a <3.


I released it today at the field opposite my house near the bus stop.


I've not received any calls yet.

Express(ive) Food

Boi

Today during class we were talking about lecture.

Kidding. During lecture we were talking about class.


Our lecturer asked us a question I had never considered.

If you could choose, where you were born, to whom you were born, and what gender you were born... Would you choose something different?


And so I tried to answer it myself:


I'd not change my family for the world.

As for where I was born... Korea seems quite happening now... Maybe if I was born in Korea I'll be Korean... Ah never mind. I like Singapore.

As for the question of if I would want to be a boy or a girl, I stopped.


Sometimes, I feel so much for what girls feel.

More than most of the guys I know. In fact when I read this sign I thought it was for me...


But then again.

If I were a girl.

And I were to like guys the way I currently like girls...


WOAH cannot man...

女性殆

I went to watch Sucker Punch.

Don't judge me.


I thought it was one of the best movies I've seen.

Don't jump to conclusions.


It's not about the girls. If not I would love Dead or Alive.

Style without substance.

Sucker Punch is so much like Pan's Labyrinth, one of my favourite movies of all time.

The dreamworld is a retreat from reality.

And eventually, when it is a retreat used too often, the lines between the real world and the dream begin to collapse.

Love it so much.


Because the dreamscape they presented is familiar to me. Fighting giants with nothing but a sword, facing hordes of orcs, taking on monsters... I really have done these things before in my imagination. Even today during lecture I was leaping down over the chairs and charging at my lecturer who had manifested herself with many arms as a monster to be slain in my mind.

But more than that, the dreamworld often helps us make sense of abstract life.


Like the great philosopher Desiree said,

"Movies make sense. Life does not."

It's a pity... It's a pity, that this movie was marketed in such a sexual way. Girls and guns- this is a boy's movie. Now I don't dare to say I like it.

But all's well. I reconcile my love for things frowned upon with the excuse of studying them.

I'm going to do a writeup on Sucker Punch for gender studies.

That gives me a good reason to watch it again!


Oh by the way, the chinese words on the mech warrior are supposed to say something like

"DANGER! WOMAN DRIVER!"

Now we're talking!

Mun Mun Mun

Girl Power

Today is my Sabbath, and I went to Toong Chai Presbyterian for a talk on Buddhism.

I don't know if it counts as rest from work coz I study religion in school during weekdays.

I arrived early, read my bible and wrote my journal. Then to my great joy I saw an old friend.



Her name is Cheryl Chan, and she's a girl I hold in the highest regard.


She signed on with the air force, and went through everything I went through during BMT, including the grueling 24km route march. Few girls know the extent of the suffering a guy has to undergo in the army, which is frustrating at times, but she does. And she not just knows what we went through, she experienced it all herself too! Thus I have a high respect for her, so much so that I went to support her at her passing out parade at the floating platform, which was held in the morning after their overnight march from Tanah Merah.

And we all know I don't do mornings.


So I sat with her for the talk and at the end, had the privilege of praying with her. It's hard in the army to be a good christian, and for her it's even tougher because she's in uncharted waters. Guys have older christian brothers in NS to learn from, but she has no one to look up to as a christian example to follow, and has to work these issues out herself.

Pray with me for her.


Oh and I stopped by the old folks home today, the 1st in a long time. Made a new friend and held her hand for a while. Held the hand of another old lady who they were trying to feed, and she could not even open her eyes. She hardly even had the strength to chew and seemed to be falling asleep after each bite before even swallowing. She looked close to death.

Somehow she found the strength in her thumbs to grip my hand which was holding hers.

It's been a while since I've been there, and the horrors of the human condition still shock me.

Last Friday- Extra Lecture

I read my NUS emails.

I replied to one of them about a talk by a guest lecturer.

I turned up for the lecture on India’s economic growth.


Goodness, I seemed like the only student who bothered to do any of the abovementioned things. I brought the mean age down low…

And I felt a little weird. Here were all the graduate students doing their masters, and here were the lecturers, and they were all in formal shirts and pants while I was in jeans and a t-shirt Yinhong gave me.


What was I doing here?

Well...

I’ve heard the call; the preparation starts now.

If I'm going to go to India, I better know about India.


At the end of the talk, I got up to leave. I was just about to use my handphone to post on FB a shout-out saying how I was the youngest person in the room by far, and how no one else my age cared about such things.

And then, at the back of the room, I saw the fairest girl from my Sociology of Religion module (not the DDGG one) who had the most beautiful red hair (that made me like red hair from the moment I first saw her). I went over to her excitedly and greeted her.

“Why did you sign up for this lecture?” I asked.

“Interest,” the red headed girl said. “What about you?”


I took a deep breath, and then risking looking really stupid, told her about how I felt called by God to India.

We had quite a nice chat over the terrible food they catered (except for the heavenly eclairs).


For the first time since I heard the call to be an advocate for the oppressed, I was an advocate for the oppressed.

It was amazing.

She said she's never met someone so clear of doing something so different with his future.

I hope I live up to it.


I was thankful to God. I had come to this talk knowing well that I might feel very lonely, but I still came because this was my calling. And God gave me a bonus on top of learning more about India. I don't expect him to let me find friends (or pretty girls) all the time; this is not why I come. But I am glad this very first sacrifice was rewarded. I'm encouraged to do more coz I know he looks out for me.

April Fools Day

Come on NUS, come on Singapore...

WHY SO SERIOUS!!!

I was the only person pulling pranks in school today. It's so sad. Everyone is so busy preparing assignments some didn't even realise today was the first of April.

It's so sad.


But it's okay. My parents were the saving grace.

Today mom gave me a brand new handphone.

I was over the moon.

My handphone was in such a bad state it could no longer take incoming calls.

This was what I really needed.

Finally I could use the internet on my phone again!

I was so happy. I did not expect to get a new phone so quickly.

Gah.

Good one mom.

Dark humour indeed.


-:-


Coming home today, I got mail!

I like getting mail. It's nice.

Wait wait wait... Handwritten mail form the ministry of defense?

What could this say?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I thought it was Song Yang... but then again...


The way dad was acting as I read the letter gave him away.

Still, THIS IS AWESOME!!!


I got the best parents in the world.

I really did become who I am today because of them.


And speaking of who I am today...


I went to school in formal clothes. Court shoes, dress pants, long sleeve shirt... I even brought a small Samsonite bag to top off the look. I used hair cream and wore my formal spectacles, and left for school.

Oh, and in my bag, I carried a stethoscope.


Ready to fool some poor uni classmates into thinking I was a medical student!


I dropped several jaws, including Jon Ma's over lunch. I'm normally in t-shirts and shorts, so it was a big change to see me dress up. And the moment Jon asked why I was in such formal clothes, I reached into my bag and "accidentally" showed off my stethoscope. Khoonnie who was having lunch with us was also surprised. It was the first time I was meeting her, but she figured I was not actually just about to go to the hospital for a medical internship though I said I was. Jon Ma, on the other hand, was confused for much longer. And he's supposed to be my best freaking friend for like forever?


He's losing his sense of humour! He was supposed to come to school in a wet suit today! But it did not rain, so he didn't. Such a waste of a good prank. Anyway, I gave him flyers to give out on my behalf to make up for it. I had forgotten to bring scotch tape, but he managed to solve the problem.

Bless his heart.


-:-


Then on to film and religion tutorial, where I "accidentally" took out my stethoscope again when the pretty girl from my class needed help. She knew I was from Sociology, like she was, and did not fall for the trick. The rest of the class however, was confused at why a medicine student was here taking an Arts module, even though it is a General Education Module. I left them in their confusion discussing quietly in class till the end of the lesson before telling them I'm not really a medical student.

"So why are you dressed so nicely today?"

"What date is it?" I replied.

"Friday?"

"DATE!"

"April... OH!!!!!

Wait you dressed up just for that?!?"


Yes I did. And I tell you... today was the hottest day in the whole year. For me to be in what I was wearing was a real sacrifice. But it made people smile. So it was worth it.


I spent the rest of the afternoon in the library trying to do my essay and cooling down in the air con.

Spent more time sleeping off the heat though.


Then when I woke from sleeping with my head on the table, who was I to see but the beautiful red haired girl sitting 2 tables in front of me!

I went over to say hi and told her about my internship at the hospital.

She asked about my deadlines (we are in the same religion module...) so I told her the truth that I had 3 deadlines to rush next week.

She told me to hurry and work on it, especially if I was so busy working.

I confessed I was only a doctor for today.

She called me an idiot.

She smiled.

We laughed.


-:-


Just before I left the library I went up to her again to say goodbye.

She had been sneezing and had a running nose.

I took out my stethoscope and asked she would like me to give her an examination.


"NO!"


For a moment I think she forgot we were in a library.

Ah yes... it's moments like these I live for.

My life in film