Monday, October 26, 2009

Cards on the Table

Okay, here we go.

My name is Justin Hui.

I started this blog because I needed a fresh start.



I took the step off the ledge that I had been standing on for most of my life last Sunday.

It's been a week, and I still can't tell if I'm flying or falling.



I started this blog because I need to change and my old blog reminds me too much of my old self.

I started this blog because it hurts to change and I need an outlet to whine.



I tried talking to my friends today about trying to change.

I guess they don't see much of a difference yet.

Only one in school and one at church noticed my eyebrows were threaded.

And the one in school was a guy.



How do I answer them when they ask why I need to change?

My friend actually thought I was really an angel because she could not imagine how a human could be so nice.

How do I tell her I cannot stand myself?

How do I explain the problems with the saviour complex?

How do I explain why I want to be more... subversive?



When people ask me, "What do you mean by being real?"

I don't have an answer.



I don't know alright...

This blog is just a blog.

It's an honest reflection of my life.

7 comments:

  1. I think you should just be yourself.

    I'm not criticizing you. I'm encouraging you.

    If you want to change, don't just talk about it. Do it. Change. I know you can do it, even if nobody sees a difference, don't get disheartened. Keep taking small steps.

    I have a little story. There was this man who wanted to travel a thousand miles. Everyday he would take a few steps. To his neighbors, his friends and his family, it might seem that he wasn't going anywhere. But why should it seem otherwise? Small steps are...small steps. The difference between stepping out of your house and into your block, as compared to a thousand miles, is neligible.

    But a thousand days later, he had taken a thousand steps (well, actually more) and covered a thousand miles.

    That's when people started noticing that he was missing and thought he got lost.

    He didn't. The change might be so small everyday that people took it for granted, but when they looked back, it was actually quite huge.

    For me, I'm aiming to be a manga artist, no matter what people say. It's my dream, and I'll work toward it, no matter what. I see a somewhat similar situation in you. You want to change, don't you?

    Then change. Do whatever you want. I'm behind you all the way, man.

    ReplyDelete
  2. P.S. Not asking you to approve my comments. I noticed the "No posts on this blog!" but still, I decided to share my opinions, to let you know that even if no one else is behind you, I am. And just tell your mom straight that you want to change. You can delete these comments or whatever, I don't care, but make sure you READ them! I don't care if no one else reads them, just make sure YOU do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey man... thanks. "No comments" was just to scare off people who want to fix me like a mechanic. For anyone who encourages the way you do, my blog is all yours to post away.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am relieved to hear that.

    Change is survival. Change is good.

    Whatever it is, just do what you think is right, not what others tell you is right.

    ReplyDelete
  5. are u gg to change ur email too? haha

    hong

    ReplyDelete
  6. But of course hong. You would not be able to guess this one.

    just.justin.hui@gmail.com

    No pretense there.
    Oh.
    Dang there's still a G.

    ReplyDelete
  7. haha. change to hotmail lor. or nus account. lol.

    hong

    ReplyDelete