Breakup

I really felt the pinch today.

I started off great after the split, but the ideals and joys of being free eventually faded. And where I once had someone to turn to when I felt lonely, I now found myself alone.

Today I felt so much like going back to him. I cannot, I must not. I know why we split and that it was necessary- he was pulling me away from where I wanted to go in life. But... we've known each other for 6 years, shared some amazing memories, and I'm what I am today because of him.

Sure there were cracks between us for the whole of this year, and it would have been nearly impossible to carry on, especially when I got attached to Sarah. I was sure when I made the decision to split with him. I felt it was right and I still do.

But I feel cold today. And it's not from the temperature which happens to be scorching.

I miss him- my old self.

And part of me died when I let him go.

It began as a concept, but it took on a life of it's own. I've not been called Justin for a long time, because I've been hiding behind many other names, his for most of the time. I talk about my old self as if he was a person because it feels that way- it is that hard for me to break away from who I used to be.

He is dead. I left him behind. I can never go back. I must never go back.