Mood dependent fencing

I could not understand why sometimes I fight with all I've got, and am satisfied even off I lose, and other times I fight like a snail without a shell holding a hammer.

I also could not understand why I've never beaten Florence, even though I could defeat guys that have beaten her.

Even today, after an entire year of training, I was still trashed by her.


"You fence so much faster when you fight guys," Florence commented.

She had told me this many times before, but today was probably the first time her words had a chance to sink in.

I can't believe that I didn't realise the reason for that until now.


You see...

I just can't hit a girl.


It explains why I lose to girls who fence so slowly, but can hold off the faster male fencers.

It explains why I've never, ever beaten Florence.

I can't hit a girl. 

I can't hurt a girl.
Especially not a dear friend.
Even in a fencing bout.


And I will stop feeling like a loser just because I can't beat them.

I never will, and never want to.