It surprises me- how bad I was at chemistry.
I was so bad that when I almost passed a class test my teacher rejoiced.
Looking through my notes and seeing the things I had doodled during lectures 4 years ago, I was intrigued.
Other than copying what was on the screen in class, I had also drawn the floor plan for a fantasy city tower, devised a formula to never lose at tic-tac-toe, came up with a pattern that infinitely shrinks down the pentagon that lies in the middle of a star by shifting each subsequent smaller pentagon by 72 degrees, figured the best strategy to deal with the evil giant elephant in LOTR using only a squad of 20 wood elves, etc.
Why didn't I realise it back then? That I was a bit of a creative genius trapped in the constrains of chemical equations and enthalpy changes.
Eventually I got an A for chemistry. It was my only A in my final exams. But what have I learnt from Chemistry? Absolutely nothing. It was an absolute waste of my time and effort and the only thing I gained from my notes were the formulae of how to win tic-tac-toe.
So why did I waste so much time studying something I had no use for? Because I needed it to get into Medical School.
But I didn't get into medical school the first time. What a waste of time.
So I studied for another entrance exam for an Indian Medical school last year, traveling up to Penang just to take the paper.
But I didn't get into medical school again. What a waste of time.
So I studied psychology and got my As and enjoyed school life.
But I didn't pass stats and was not allowed to continue studying psychology, and so the modules I had taken were not going to count towards my graduating requirement. What a waste of time.
But wait. There's something wrong with my thinking. What does it mean to waste time? Is there really such a thing?
Did I seek the Lord before making these decisions? Yes.
Did he answer clearly back then? Yes.
So what, is the Lord's hand too short? Or did he make a mistake? No.
Really?
David was told by God through Samuel that he would be the next king even before he entered the service of king Saul.
He worked his way up in the army and became a leader of prominence. Getting closer to the goal.
But Saul got jealous and wanted his life. David fled. What a waste of time in the army.
Saul was after his life. David spent time making friends with the king of Moab and sought his protection.
But God told him to move to Judah and he did. What a waste of time in Moab.
David heard a town called Keilah was under attack and under the Lord's command, went with his men and rescued them.
But when Saul came looking for David, the people of Keilah were ready to hand David and his men over to the old king. What a waste of time and effort on this town.
David was sent from one place to another, living in caves and forests and towns and cities.
I ask (and David might have), "Lord, what is your plan for my life? Why do you send me here and there to do things that have no significance or bearing in my life? Can you just show me your will and stop wasting my time?"
I finally understand the fallacy of my statement. First, God is trying to teach me obedience. And obedience is best taught when one is willing to listen, because then we are still dependent on the one teaching. If I have no needs to be met, I'm not going to listen to God the way I would when I desperately need his help.
Second. I'm trying to live my own life. I'm saying, "God give me your perfect plan, so I can live it out my own way." It's a false sense of piousness- I want God's will for my life, but I want control over my own life.
What's important to God is not that my life's success markers are met (in a given amount of time), as much as my obedience to him throughout. So he teaches me to be faithful and obedient in the little things.
Yes, from the Singaporean worldly perspective, I have gained nothing and learnt nothing the past few years, and I'm a year behind the boys and 3 years behind the girls in my batch.
But from the spiritual perspective, I'm learning obedience- something much more difficult to attain than success.
So, what really is important at the end of the day?
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