I was clearing my JC Chemistry notes...

...4 years after leaving JC.

It surprises me- how bad I was at chemistry.

I was so bad that when I almost passed a class test my teacher rejoiced.

Looking through my notes and seeing the things I had doodled during lectures 4 years ago, I was intrigued.

Other than copying what was on the screen in class, I had also drawn the floor plan for a fantasy city tower, devised a formula to never lose at tic-tac-toe, came up with a pattern that infinitely shrinks down the pentagon that lies in the middle of a star by shifting each subsequent smaller pentagon by 72 degrees, figured the best strategy to deal with the evil giant elephant in LOTR using only a squad of 20 wood elves, etc.

Why didn't I realise it back then? That I was a bit of a creative genius trapped in the constrains of chemical equations and enthalpy changes.

Eventually I got an A for chemistry. It was my only A in my final exams. But what have I learnt from Chemistry? Absolutely nothing. It was an absolute waste of my time and effort and the only thing I gained from my notes were the formulae of how to win tic-tac-toe.


So why did I waste so much time studying something I had no use for? Because I needed it to get into Medical School.

But I didn't get into medical school the first time. What a waste of time.


So I studied for another entrance exam for an Indian Medical school last year, traveling up to Penang just to take the paper.

But I didn't get into medical school again. What a waste of time.


So I studied psychology and got my As and enjoyed school life.

But I didn't pass stats and was not allowed to continue studying psychology, and so the modules I had taken were not going to count towards my graduating requirement. What a waste of time.


But wait. There's something wrong with my thinking. What does it mean to waste time? Is there really such a thing?

Did I seek the Lord before making these decisions? Yes.
Did he answer clearly back then? Yes.

So what, is the Lord's hand too short? Or did he make a mistake? No.

Really?


David was told by God through Samuel that he would be the next king even before he entered the service of king Saul.

He worked his way up in the army and became a leader of prominence. Getting closer to the goal.

But Saul got jealous and wanted his life. David fled. What a waste of time in the army.


Saul was after his life. David spent time making friends with the king of Moab and sought his protection.

But God told him to move to Judah and he did. What a waste of time in Moab.


David heard a town called Keilah was under attack and under the Lord's command, went with his men and rescued them.

But when Saul came looking for David, the people of Keilah were ready to hand David and his men over to the old king. What a waste of time and effort on this town.


David was sent from one place to another, living in caves and forests and towns and cities.

I ask (and David might have), "Lord, what is your plan for my life? Why do you send me here and there to do things that have no significance or bearing in my life? Can you just show me your will and stop wasting my time?"

I finally understand the fallacy of my statement. First, God is trying to teach me obedience. And obedience is best taught when one is willing to listen, because then we are still dependent on the one teaching. If I have no needs to be met, I'm not going to listen to God the way I would when I desperately need his help.

Second. I'm trying to live my own life. I'm saying, "God give me your perfect plan, so I can live it out my own way." It's a false sense of piousness- I want God's will for my life, but I want control over my own life.


What's important to God is not that my life's success markers are met (in a given amount of time), as much as my obedience to him throughout. So he teaches me to be faithful and obedient in the little things.

Yes, from the Singaporean worldly perspective, I have gained nothing and learnt nothing the past few years, and I'm a year behind the boys and 3 years behind the girls in my batch.

But from the spiritual perspective, I'm learning obedience- something much more difficult to attain than success.

So, what really is important at the end of the day?

35

To God be the glory.

I love this

And no, I'm not talking about the car.

I love the sky.
Clouds of grey.
How daunting it looks.
You could almost feel the cold winds
Rushing past your face
As the inevitable storm approaches.

It took my breath away.

34

It was a bad day.

I tried to study for my sexuality exam tomorrow in the library but my mind kept wandering off.

I tried to secretly leave an encouraging note for the girl sleeping at the table next to mine, but my jacket brushed her and she woke to see me leaning over her table. Awkward.

I got the film group guys to convert our footage to digital form and all was going so surprisingly well- up to the moment I collected the files from them after they had worked on it the whole day. Wrong format.

I got trashed at fencing for the first time by a fellow junior. The fresh fencers have reached a certain skill level that we're no longer randomly attacking. I expect myself to be losing bouts for the next few weeks as I desperately try to polish up my terrible basics.

I stepped out of the computer lab after spending an hour with my face in my hands. It was a bad day. I stopped outside the door, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and gave out a loud sigh as I lowered my head.

"Do you need a hug?" One of God's little angels said to me.

I said yes and got a hug.

It wasn't that bad a day after all.

33

My table is so messy I've begun to put things on my bed, which has become so crowded I have to sleep in Marianne's bed instead and put additional things on the floor.

I believe that the state of my table reflects the state of my life.

Last night I dreamt I was late for a sociology stats test I was unaware of, that was crucial to majoring in sociology.

I don't even have such a test.

If you spend a whole dream stressed, do you actually get rest?

21st birthday

An old friend of mine just turned 21.

(That technically makes her a young friend.)

At her party, many gave her presents of alcohol bottles.

But I... being poor... had only a pencil and a card.


Why do I always seem to be making girls cry?

32

"If I'm really going to go bankrupt, this is the way I want to go bankrupt."

Pastor Kuo Yung spent his last few cents sending his daughter on a mission trip.

I actually have the same view with regard to life.

The important thing is not so much trying to prevent or delay death.

Rather, find something worth dying for.

Same same but different

Scientists in the US have come up with a theory that explains how winds could have caused the parting of the red sea for the Israelites to cross. They even have computer imagery to show how it would look.

Now my question is: Do scientists, looking at this information, conclude that there is no God or that the Bible is true?

Quotes of the week

Supper with the fencers at Shears Hall. I ordered 4 chickens and brought the drinks to the team.


"Justin, do you work here?"

Why would you say so?

"You seem to be serving us, taking our orders and talking to the staff here."


-:-


Dad enters. I bring him food and a drink.

"Who's that?"

That's my dad.

"Really?"

Yes.

"Which hall does he stay in?"

What? Why do you think he stays in hall?

"He acts so normal here. It's as though he lives here."


Well minus the fact that everyone else is around the age of 20, dad actually does fit in, in his bright orange running attire.

31

I almost got knocked down by a car on the way to school.


Bus had stopped at the traffic light. Green man. I hurriedly began to cross.

A car was fast approaching, hidden from view on the opposite side of the bus.

He had crossed over a double white line and was driving against traffic.

He was in a lane I was not expecting him to be in, and he was trying to beat the red light.

I had rushed past in front of the bus and was about to cross over and break a leg.


But the guy opposite me had not crossed the road even though the man was green.

So I slowed down and as I reached the corner and peeked out.

The car saw me and did a sudden stop too, but only came to a halt after the stop line.


If I hadn't slowed down... Break a leg.

So my question is, why am I rushing to school on a holiday?

Paper Market

"I'm sorry we gave you so much business today. We didn't mean to."

-Justin Hui 

(after being handed the longest receipt of the day)

What's wrong with the weather?

It's getting crazy.

Lightning and sunshine at the same time.

Heat waves and downpours.

It's all happening without warning.

(See how slippery the floor has become?)

I pray it does not rain this Saturday. Pray with me.

We're filming.

30

NUS took us on an excursion during our mid term break.

We visited Woodbridge Mental Hospital during one of our days off.

We must be crazy.


We were told that patients here also have a day off each week and they are taken for excursions.

We were asked to guess where they would be taken.

"To NUS," I said.


I got it wrong.

They are not that crazy.

29

I restarted reading my Bible when I returned from India.

I've come to the book of Ruth.

I do my QT on the train.

Ruth was a short book, and after a depressing book like Judges, Ruth was a refreshing love story.

I almost cried in the train by the time I came to the ending.

28

I made a few enemies on Monday when I printed the entire semester's readings for "sociology of the family" in school.

Hundreds of pages.

I found a girl who lives in Punggol

And studies in NUS.

I actually didn't believe her at first, because she also said she was born on Pulau Ubin.

That was till I drove her home and realised she wasn't lying.

Interesting.


And yes, I drove her home. She was the first girl I've ever driven home.


(Don't worry. Dad was in the car to make sure I drove safely.)

Gideon

Last night's online conversation was the happiest one I've had this year.

I wonder why, under circumstances like this, I don't ask:

"God, why did you let this happen?"

Day 27

I like taking the train because I get to look at the expressions on the faces of people opposite me.


Today, I was sitting opposite a girl in a pink shirt with rebonded hair.

She held a handphone to her ear and closed her eyes.

She didn't speak a word, but just held it close and smiled to herself.

She remained in this position all the way to the last station.

She only opened her eyes when I dropped my handphone on the floor.


I really, really want to know what she was listening to.


And I said a prayer for her as she left the train.

Day 26

I spent a few minutes during tutorial today with my hand held against my face to restrict my view. When that didn't work too well, I looked down and took notes until the presentation was over.

The girl presenting up front was presenting too much up front.

After class, I went up to her and gave her tips for her Health Psychology assignment.

-:-

I got quite frustrated at fencing today because I could not unlearn the wrong move I had picked up. I kept practicing and getting worked up till this other guy said, "hey dude, relax man!"

I've never been competitive before.

Yet in fencing if I don't stab you, you stab me.

-:-

So much sex and violence in school these days.

Day 25

Developmental Psychology lecture.

-McNeill (1970) pp106-7

I'm not sure if the label "insensitivity" was referring to the kid's linguistic learning ability or the parent's... plain insensitivity.

-:-

I loved Cognitive Psychology lecture today.

The concepts were so mind-blowing that by half-time my friend had tears in her eyes and at the end of the lecture a whole group of students rushed forward and mobbed the lecturer with questions.

I like this kind of lecture. It stretches the mind by introducing absolutely amazingly creative ideas. More than just memorization.

-:-

Quote of the day:

Mel: "You're such an auntie killer."

Day 24

Watching Singapore Gaga in school. It's an amazing show capturing the different soundscapes of Singapore.

There was a scene of a lady in a wheelchair selling tissue paper, singing to attract customers. I smiled realising the song she was singing in Hokkien was about Jesus. I broke down when I heard what she had to say after. I replayed the segment and began to write down the subtitles.

"I've been selling tissues all day
Very few people buy my tissues
I'm tired, so I sing Jesus songs
When I sing, I am happy
I forget all my troubles"

I copied to this point and paused the video to answer a phone call from an unknown number.

It was the NUS Career Centre.

And if you know what I signed up for, you would know this was the call I really wanted to receive, but knew there was little hope of receiving.

I came back to the TV screen so happy and resumed the film.


"God miraculously provides for me."

Day 23

I met someone else doing a gender studies minor today.

First I've met actually, and she also is the first person I've met with her name.

-:-

It was the first day I had a chance to watch the sunset this semester.

But... I didn't.

I didn't.


I'm destabilized by many things.

I need some help.

Any sociology majors out there who know the subject well?

Anyone I can talk to?

Proposal

Too bad this only happens in DisneyLand.

In the real, egalitarian and feminist world, men and women are absolutely equal.

So everything is shared between men and women fairly and a man will never be expected to get down on his knees to ask a girl to marry him. 

In fact, to do so is to go against the very idea of feminist equality.

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

Why I'm happy to stay in NUS (and not go elsewhere to study):

I get to eat Shears Hall Chicken for supper.


I get to minor in Gender Studies. And Psychology. So I'll finally understand how people think in general through sociology, how people think individually in psychology, and most importantly, I'll finally learn to give up trying to understand how women think after taking gender studies.


I'll be close to friends like Melanie. Seriously, if everyone had a friend like her, the world would be a much better/happier/interesting place. Pass me my stuffed toy. Yes, seriously.


I'll get to see my best friend Jon Ma when he returns from overseas. I'll be around when he's back in NUS and will get to see him fall in love, get married, have children, and finally graduate.


I have a friend in every lecture I go for! Though my friends tend to skip lectures... It's the idea that they might be there that keeps me going.


I can stay in KPC. Oh yes. I'll get to see Marianne Lee get married. Provided she doesn't hold the ceremony in Japan or something. And I'll get to see my sec 1 and 2 sunday school boys grow up, fall in love, get married, have children, and hopefully gain some semblance of maturity in the process. Song Yang and Matthew... My fellow sunday school teachers... We got a lot of work to do.


I get to take the train from Punggol to Harbour Front every day. I complain about it much, but honestly, I love it. I always get a seat, and the train is my mind's playground.


I'll get to see if Kimberly remains as celibate as she says she is. Anyone else wants to place your bets?


I can finally afford the time and money to fence. It's a dream come true. And by next year, God-willing, I can join a novices' fencing competition. I call this sport "applied psychology".


I get to make fun of my Malaysian ex-(it's complicated)-girlfriend (as seen on FB) in school. I actually wrote a poem about it.

"In semester three
Oh my goodness me!
A complicated relationship
With Valerie Wee.

But as you can see...
It was not meant to be
After 48 hours
She had abandoned me."


I'll get to see my sister Marianne when she returns from overseas. I'll be around when she enters NUS and will get to see her fall in love, get married, have little nephews and nieces for me, and hopefully graduate.


I get to fly kite in SengKang and go Prawning with the Cai sisters!


I will be around lecturers who are real friends- like my gender studies tutor from last sem, Dr Ikeya. When I really needed help with the appeal, she was there to encourage and support me all the way through. God-sent angel.


I'll be there to send my parents off as they go into the mission field next year. It's every child's dream to have their parents grow up and do something useful with their lives. Marianne and I think they are finally mature enough to survive in the world outside our safe shores, are so proud to release them to the Lord for his service in August.


My closest friend from secondary school is returning to Singapore after finishing her medical degree in Australia (which I encouraged her to do)! Woo hoo Zhi Han!!! I can finally get free treatment!!!


Rachel Berry is coming back to Singapore too! Oh come and make some good movies for our nation. We need the foreign talent. Hahahaha.


Oh and my ex-fiance is also back. Yeah. Last time I used to propose to a lot of girls because I knew they would all say no. I didn't expect an Indian girl would say yes though. Anyway Priyanka is back too!


Fwah.

All the major women in my life (Jon Ma being the only exception) are returning to Singapore at the same time.


I tell you... next year is going to be a good year.

To me you are the sea

I spent the last 2 days on a Kellong.

It was a mere hut in the sea.

One big hut where everybody slept in, and fished around.

No rooms, just many double decker beds side by side, and toilets that lead into the sea.

I slept for 12 hours last night.

Waking from sleep that long is like coming out of limbo.

It's as if you were somewhere else for a really long time.

But you wake losing all the memories you fought so hard for.

I felt a sense of loss.

-:-

I sat down with uncle Guan in the bus home.

He needed to interview people for his assignment on Christian Ethics.

I gave him my opinion on several issues, including gambling, which I gave a view he never heard before.

Something he said in passing was:

"If you have an analytical mind, you'll do really well in Sociology."

He thought I was taking Psychology still when he said that.

That was the second time this week I was pointed to sociology.

(The first was when I completed the puzzle and won a $30 voucher.)

So I had fun as I spoke to uncle Guan.

-:-

I woke up rather suddenly to find myself seated alone in the bus.

Day 22

I won a 30 dollar Kinokunia voucher today for participating in a puzzel completion game in school.

I'm beginning to see how my gift of seeing how things fit is really beginning to fit.


I also met the only overseas trained Sabre fencer in NUS today.

The Sabre is the fastest of all the fencing weapons.

You need to be extremely agile and aggressive to win.

Our YOG Sabre fencer from Singapore was a giant who brutally beat the smaller opponent.


So it was to my surprise when I met our top sabre fencer.

He was sooooooooo nua.

He looked a little lost all day, and spoke so slowly and in such a laid back and relaxed way. When one of the fastest fencers of a different weapon took him on to show us how the weapon is used in a bout, he didn't even lift his blade up when the fight began, but just kept it relaxed at his side. The other fencer had his blade up and was practically on his toes on guard.

This was the interesting part. Nua dude flicked his fingers and the fight was over.

"What just happened?" we asked in confusion.

He took a minute to explain in his laid back way what had happened during the bout that took 2 seconds to complete.

"He advanced first, and had priority as his arm started moving forward first, but I countered with a block and thus won the priority and slashed his mask..."

We asked him to show it to us again as we didn't notice any of these things, but we still had no idea what was going on because it was happening so fast that we were not catching it. But what I do know, nua man was trashing the other dude.

Maybe he's not nua. Maybe he's just moving too fast for the eye to see.


Question. Should I take up the Foil or the Sabre as my weapon?

The top 2 Foil fencers in Singapore are in NUS- one's the coach and one's the captain. So I'll be trained by the best, but I would probably never make the competition team.

NUS doesn't really have any Sabre fencers, but they want to start a team. So I'll probably be in the competition team if I take up this weapon, but I won't be trained well.

How?

To all who wonder who Valerie Wee is...

Day 21

I can cancel 2 items off of my list today.

Today, the world is not such a bad place.

Christmas came early.

Thank you Yinhong for giving me a bag full of memories, past and potential.

Perhaps a review of how I got here is in order

I failed my statistics in June. I was told I cannot major in Psychology.

I spoke to dad and mom about my education options last month, realising that we were not on the same page. I was quite insensitive to the fact that we did not have the money to send me abroad. Yes dad and mom are willing to sell the house and car and send me abroad, but what if the same thing happened again and I fail there? What then?

So in a desperate final attempt to cling to Psychology, I fasted and prayed for 3 days, along with some close friends, and then went to the department office to make my appeal 2 weeks ago. They replied with a firm no.

It took a while to sink in. It's not that God didn't answer, it's that he said no. God's not one for us to arm twist after all. I tried to stay positive. I looked at the whole thing as an exciting second chance.

And one night instead of sleeping I began listing out all my achievements in life to try and figure out what kind of person I am and thus what would be an appropriate field of study. Filming, debating, music leading, counselling, puzzle solving, drumming, choir singing, directing, origami, paper cutting…

It didn’t make sense to me. How do I link the dots?

Then as I studied my talents, I suddenly realised that they were all the manifestations of one gift I had. Was this divine revelation? I was not sure, though it really felt like it. How was I to know?

I wrote and spoke to my friends and family again, the people who knew me best. And this time I asked them…

“If Justin could study anything, anywhere in the world, what should he study?”

I prayed that the answers would be mostly the same so I could be sure this was God’s will. Unfortunately… The results were not clear.

Veterinary science, Film, Psychology, Sociology, Theology, Missiology, Philosophy, Social Work, Law, Teaching…

So without a clear answer, I had to figure out which of these made sense to me. (Is the absence of correction a sign you're on the right path?) Anyway, these were the top 5.

Film

An obvious choice seeing how many movies I have made, I would enjoy it. But to choose film is to choose a very specific area of my talent and neglect the other parts, probably for the rest of my life. I do want to be trained in this area at some point however.

Teaching

Well it could work to my advantage, but at this time, it can remain an option to wait upon for future direction. I should get a basic degree first to make this useful. But honestly, I fear the amount of work a teacher has to do. And the hours. 2 people suggested this, one was my JC teacher, 3 years ago.

Law

This one came from the left. Only one person suggested it and I never considered it before. In fact, as I think about it now, Law really is the most perfect fit of my gifting, more so than any other course. But two issues plague me. Can I handle the academic study? And if I can, can I really give up everything else to focus on this one career? I’m really not going to have much time for origami after becoming a lawyer.

Psychology

Ah the old love. I needed to look at this objectively. I love psychology, but is it everything I expect of it? Do my giftings fit this job well? The answer, to my surprise, was “not totally”. Psychology, and counseling, is only one of my talents, and though I feel it is something I can do the rest of my life, it’s not exactly a perfect fit and thus to choose this route would also be to neglect other talents.

Theology

I want to study theology. But like dad and mom said, now’s probably not the best time. Get your degree, go into the field, see what you lack to serve better, then come and study it. So yes in time to come, I do hope to study this.

Sociology

It's the most stretching course mentally and I feel I'm maturing with this. Forming opinions about everything in society that we take for granted, it's the most general type of degree I can get.

So... what did I figure out about myself. What is my gift?

As I analysed by talents, I came to the conclusion that my gift was in analysis. I basically have the ability to see how things fit, or how they don't. I'm a "seeing the big picture" kinda guy.

And this one gift manifest itself in so many ways. I see how pieces fit and can thus solve puzzles, even 3D puzzles, with ease. I figured how a band or choir fits and thus could help them make music together. I can listen to a speech, deconstruct the arguments and construct my own response quickly. I can put together works of art from seemingly unrelated pieces of paper, photo and film.

All these are just the ways I have been using my gift. I'm an analyst. Even with people, I see how their lifestyles fit or fail to fit and thus help them overcome their problems with simple solutions. This was the basis of my counseling.

Dad said my gift is in communication, but I think that is a secondary gift that supports this primary one.

With this in mind, I needed a study that will not hone just one of my talents, but the very core gift. Because if I can refine that gift, I improve in all areas flowing from that. So what course would allow me to expand my understanding and ability to see how things work? A course that deals with the biggest and most complex of structures of course.

Sociology. The study of society. How it works, and how it doesn't.

Typing till this point I feel... better. Yeah Soci is tough, and not in any way like the Psych I love, but it's good for me. I need to get over Psych and move on, but give me some time to grieve. I feel I'm maturing as my opinions come to question and my fundamental concepts of the world are challenged. It's a very painful process, but it's good.

-:-

And come to think of it, I have grown. Today I took the lead twice with the groups I was with. I'm not the man I used to be when I came into uni. I used to not want to be the leader, I used to just wait for someone else to come forth. I used to believe in absolute equality of the sexes. I used to wait for the girls to take charge. But today I saw something different.

I was at the "Sociology of Family" tutorial and for discussion I was placed in a group of 6, all of which were Christian, but we were unaware of that initially. When asked what I look for in a wife, I said submissiveness, and my group's girls reacted negatively. But once I asked the girls in the group if they were complimentarian or egalitarian, they all said they would rather have the man take the lead. And I asked them, "how can the guy do so if the girl does not submit?" I was not asking for her to be under his power or authority, but to support him as he leads. And then they agreed. (See, I'm analysing, deconstructing and reconstructing.)

Now the interesting part was how I found out they were all Christian. I said my list of qualities are not like anyone else's in Singapore i think. I'm not looking for a Singapore type girl. And interestingly, I was thinking about this on the way to school before I even knew what this lesson was about and I wrote down a list things I wanted in a girl. They were excited to know, and when i shared, they asked why i wanted such a strange set of traits.

I see myself outside singapore in future, in a more rural place. "You want to live in a village?" one girl asked. Yes. And then I was amazed at how excited and supportive these random strangers were. "I don't think I can find a girl like this in Singapore," I said. The nice guy next to me named Sam (nice guys are all sam eh...) replied, "you just might..." 

I loved tutorial today. It was the best tutorial this semester.

At the end I got up on behalf of the group to present to the whole class (who were mostly girls) what we had discussed. Here's what it sounded like:

"Girls look for guys with maturity, financial stability..." 

(no response)

"Guys look for girls with big eyes, long hair..." 

(class starts to laugh)

"...emotional stability, sociability and submissiveness."

(Uproar, stones thrown, riot police, tear gas.)

Day 20

I feel as though Psychology broke up with me.

I loved her, and it had always been her in my heart and mind all these years.

I'm trying to let Sociology be my rebound, but the feeling is just not there. Psychology intrigues me, but Sociology... I don't know, it's so different. There's no passion.

Maybe it's too soon to get into another big commitment.


Psigh. What choice have I?

Can someone who understands Sociology please talk to me?


Oh and today during "family" tutorial I said I was believing less and less in the existence of "the One".

In the lift in Punggol

I tend to become much less alert in Punggol.

Nothing happens here, and I hardly know anyone here too.


Thus I was taken by surprise when the girl next to me in the train station lift tapped me to get my attention.

"I thought you looked familiar," she said.

"Was it my shirt?" I asked.

"No, it was your face."


GG.

(That's her initials.)


I got into the lift at my block with a random guy and he pressed the button for my floor.

I looked at him.

"Same floor?" I commented.

He smiled.


GG
(That's my expression.)


I think I need get to know the people here better.

Day 19

I walked down kent ridge with my jeans folded and the raindrops falling on my umbrella.

I don't feel so awesome any more.

Maybe it's coz I haven't been able to read or look at both the Cai sister's blogs for a while.

Maybe it's the timetable this semester draining me out.


In my attempt to check another item off my list of things to do this sem, I braved the shouting claypot rice stall's uncle's shouting and queued up for dinner. There was only one item left on the menu and it was written in chinese. In fear, I asked the random mainland chinese guy in front of me what it said. He was amused at this chinese dude asking in such a strange English accent, and chuckled as he told me it was duck meat with veg.

"Where do you come from?" He asked in a typical China accent.

"Singapore..." I replied. I was honestly quite embarrassed.


But I saw him eating alone and so I sat down with him to eat.

Day 18

I made a statement that my tutor called profound today. Yay!


And after class...

Melanie: I like her (our tutor's) dress.

Justin: Me too.

Mel: You're not supposed to be liking girls' dresses!

Just: Excuse me, do girls dress up only for other girls?

Mel: You're saying that girls dress up for guys and I totally disagree. Like when I wear a dress my dad asks who's the guy I'm dressing up for. Come on, we don't just dress up for guys!

Just: I never said girls dress up for guys, they dress up because they just want to look good. But then again we all do tend to dress better when we're meeting someone we like. Yes, it's not always the case. But most of the time it is! Why do you think I got my hair dyed?

Day 17

I gave away one of my 4 paper scenes today.

They were some of my greatest artwork.

But this person was someone I really wanted to thank that much.

Day 16

"I'm the reason why you're still single." 

Jon Ma 

(my Best Freaking Friend, for Like, Forever)

-:-

I met with Roy tonight and told him I had not been seeing anyone for the past year. 

"Why?!?" he gently asked.

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On Saturday, Marianne posted this on her blog:

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And yesterday...

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It's complicated.


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Day 15

By the time Justin found the small hidden classroom, he was already several minutes late for the tutorial. It didn't help that there were only 20 seats in the classroom, and there were 26 students. So he had to go all the way to the next block to borrow a roller chair and carry it to class, just in time for personal introductions.


The classroom was packed and stuffy. But it was not just the heat and air that was stifling. This sexuality module was said to be the toughest module at level 3000, and student after student introduced themselves as 3rd year Sociology majors, making them a year ahead of Justin in sociological knowledge. That plus the fact that he was one of only 6 boys in class made the air rather choking.


The tutor called out the next name from the list.


"Ah, one of the few boys we have. Who is Justin?"


Justin raised his hand and introduced himself. Unlike the rest, he did not say his year of study in his introduction. And unlike most of the rest who were taking this module because they had no other choice, Justin was here to because he really wanted to be. He wanted to do a minor in Gender studies. The tutor looked pleased. At least slightly, for she did not show much expression the whole class.


The moment he finished his introduction, 2 other girls entered the classroom carrying heavy chairs with attached tables and set them down at the only empty space left in the classroom- next to Justin's seat. For the first time since the lesson began, Justin's attention was diverted away from the lesson. And it wasn't because of the disruption.


The girl now sitting next to him had smooth complexion and big eyes. Something about her seemed to capture Justin's attention and he spent more time during the lesson that followed looking at her rather than anyone else. It was a certain familiar kind of beauty.


The tutor called a name that caught Justin's attention. It was a rare name that he had not come across in years. Both the surname and the Chinese name were rare ones. Interesting, Justin thought. And the girl next to him raised her hand and acknowledged in a husky voice, having lost her voice.


So class began, and to his obvious delight they were split into smaller groups to discuss the questions each person had prepared. Justin took a look at the questions the girl had wrote and analysed her handwriting like a cryptologist. And as he lead the group discussion, he commented on how good the questions this girl raised were.


The class dynamics were not good though- for the more people there are in a class, the less everyone contributes. In a room as packed as this one, hardly anyone wanted to speak up. And though Justin kept trying to contribute and keep the pace of the lesson going, he soon gave up, realising that others were not following his lead.


Justin spent the next half of the lesson quietly. He stole glances at the girl next to him, but tried to make it less obvious by looking in other directions as well. After a while, he grew restless and Tweeted about the girl via his handphone. When he saw that she was also using her handphone for Twitter, Justin turned on his application called Layar to see if what she posted could be tracked in the public domain via GPS. And then Justin panicked. If she was also using the application Layar, she would be able to see what he had just posted about her.


She didn't seem to show any signs of awareness as she looked at her phone, so Justin tried to calm himself down. And it soon became clear that Justin was leaning more and more in her direction as class went on, because he had to pull away every time she coughed- which was quite often. So back and forth Justin swung like a pendulum and time passed by quickly.


Lesson soon came to a close, and Justin offered to help the girl carry her heavy chair back to the next
block if she would roll his chair over for him (his was the only one with rollers). She thanked him and they walked to the next block together. He asked her if she was a 3rd year Sociology major and she said yes. He asked if she was using her phone for Twitter or Layar and she said the former, to which he was relieved. And soon they had returned both the chairs.



"You have another class now?" Justin asked, seeing her start down the staircase.


"No, but I have something else on now." She replied.


Justin said goodbye and she continued down the stairs, leaving him standing alone at the top of the flight. Then Justin suddenly called her name aloud and she turned back.


"You don't remember me do you?"


She looked puzzled for a moment, then a little apologetic, and Justin continued.


"You were a prefect in Tao Nan Primary School right?"


Her expression changed to that of confusion and surprise.


"I was your partner."

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