Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Finally free

I feel free.

No it's not the kind of freedom you're thinking of. 

This is deep seated freedom from issues plaguing me for more than a year that I have not been able to deal with. I've been living in the liminal space. I've filled 3 diaries in the past year with things I could not tell anyone about just trying to fix myself... to no avail. Like my close friend said, I went crazy.

There was little I could do to run from the memories. Everything I studied reminded me of it. Even during the exams I was wrestling with my mind and fighting for my sanity.

I've been trying to get it out. I could not.

Not till last night.

You cannot imagine how heavy a burden you're carrying is until it is lifted. The weight I was carrying was huge, and now that it's been taken away, I suddenly find myself with a clear heart and mind. And I realise I have not been functioning at 100% for a long time.

It's great to suddenly feel whole. But it's scary too. 

Dear Lord... My heart and my soul, I give you control.

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