And I did. Well, I think I did.
A few weeks back during a lecture on marriage, I scribbled down a few things I look for in a wife.
And as I thought about it, I could understand why I look for these things.
That day itself we had a Family tutorial and were asked what we look for in a spouse.
I told my group I'm not looking for the perfect Singapore girl, because I was not planning on staying in Singapore permanently. I want to go somewhere more... more rural. More rural than even Punggol.
So what am I looking for?
1) I like a girl's smile
I don't just mean for the camera. Wide, full and sincere smiles have always won my heart. And it makes sense. Someone who smiles more is someone with more to smile about- and would generally be a more positive person.
2) Low in neuroticism
If she's prone to emotional/mental/psychological instability on a reglar basis, she probably isn't the best person to bring out into the field- where you have much less control of what's around you and the circumstances you find yourself in. Stressful.
These 2 are opposites of each other, and I need a girl in the extremes of positivity to survive in an environment of greater stress without breaking down. In fact, I don't just hope she survives, I hope she thrives. I am a positive person, and I hope to find someone who can work with me in helping others, not require me to work on.
3) Please, no dumb phobias
If she's afraid of something common, like say... grasshoppers or lizards or the dark, how in the world are we going to survive out there in the field? If she's one with debilitating fears of something we're going to see every day (or night for that matter), then I really should spare her the pain and let her enjoy a safe life in Singapore, where the night is lighted and the grasshoppers are small and rare, unlike this:
(Taken by my doctor friend Anish in India.)
4) Independent
I believe, and desperately hope, that my wife and I will be a blessing to other people more than we are a blessing to each other. I don't need someone that I have great chemistry with and want to spend 100% of my time with. I need someone who can survive without me around for a while, who can hold her ground on her own, and who will not crumble without me. And the truth is, if we are a blessing to other people together, we already are a blessing to each other.
5) She's got to be open to new experiences
There's a difference between trying to cope with a new lifestyle experience and surviving it. But I'm asking for even more. I'm looking for someone who does not just survive in a rural place with all it's battered roads and dirty toilets, but craves the excitement of doing something extraordinary and crazy. I am crazy about doing crazy things for God, and I don't just need a wife who can live with that, but who will get the kicks out of following me into the dark.
6) She can't be materialistic.
Definitely. I don't think i need to mention this actually, as a materialistic girl won't like a missionary anyway. Unless she's materialistic for heavenly riches- that's okay. And she really should not smoke. I'm asthmatic.
That's about it! I actually modeled this based on the 5 factor personality model, but left out extraversion, agreeableness and conscientiousness. These I don't need in extremes like I do for neuroticism and openness to experience.
So I need an optimistic, positive, stable, fearless woman who wants to experience the world and doesn't fear getting her hands and feet dirty.
I'm basically looking for a warrior princess.
Okay fine, warrior woman, not princess.
But princess sounds less domineering and scary.
And it's a more romantic notion.
I mean romantic not in a romantic romantic way. I mean it sounds more... cool.
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