2COR12:8,9,10

My right thumb still hurts from Saturday's injury.

I just found a second bruise that just appeared on my right shoulder from tuesday's fencing bout.

My shoulder is black and purple. I had to carry my bag on the other side because it hurts too much.

The bites on my forearm don't look like mosquito bites.

Mosquito bites don't swell to 5cm wide and have pus.

I have 3 on my right forearm, 8 on other limbs, and all itch like hell.


3 days to the fencing competition, and I look and feel like a train wreck.

Somehow, God has never let me compete fresh.


But I'm no longer complaining. I know that it is good for me to know I'm weak.

You see, when it comes to actual competitive sabre fencing, I've learnt that technical skills are not what matters most.

On the ground, in the fight, you have to have a keen and clear mind.

Psychologist call this "flow".


Wiki helps explain this:

Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity. Proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, the positive psychology concept has been widely referenced across a variety of fields.


For a while I've been trying to understand how to achieve flow.

I had it the first time I held the fencing blade and fought my first bout, and won. I had it during the opening rounds of December's competition too. I have it sometimes when I'm drumming in church, and when I do flow I don't I mess things up terribly. I had it when I played pokemon pinball and broke the record score by over 200,000,000 points, 4 times my previous record.

It's actually an awesome feeling, as though time does not matter any more. You just instinctively... flow.

 The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task.


The thing is, it is not easy to consistently achieve flow.

One cannot force oneself to enter flow or even predict when one is going to enter flow. It just happens.


So how can I fight well on Saturday? I realise that each time I've been able to flow, I've forgotten who I am and cared nothing of my own fears and failures and achievements. I just had a totally clear mind and could do amazing things.

I know I may not be able to flow on command, but I also know that the only way I might be able to achieve flow during the competition is if I do not trust in my own abilities. So I'm glad God makes me weak now, and teaches me to be dependent.

I only flow in Him.