Attraction #5

Her name is Abigail.

And she is exactly what I am looking for in a wife.

It's been 11 months since I started writing about the type of women I'm attracted to.
It's been 11 months since I first asked the question to which I had no answer.

What type of women attract me?


And later on...

What am I looking for in a wife?


I thought I had the answer, but as I tried to put it in words, I realised I did not.

11 months of difficult searching later...


I came across Abigail again, and I found the answer that I been looking for.

I had known it, but I had never seen it in this light before.


Here goes the final entry regarding my research on attraction that I began today, 11 months ago:

1 Samuel 25 NIV

David, Nabal and Abigail

    ¹ Now Samuel died, and all Israel assembled and mourned for him; and they buried him at his home in Ramah. Then David moved down into the Desert of Paran.

   ² A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. ³ His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.

This is our introduction to Abigail. A woman both smart and beautiful, who's only fault was that she married a jerk.

Hmmm... I do wonder why intelligent women date and marry stupid men. I guess things haven't changed much since bible times.

   ⁴ While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing sheep. ⁵ So he sent ten young men and said to them, “Go up to Nabal at Carmel and greet him in my name. ⁶ Say to him: ‘Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours!

   ⁷ “‘Now I hear that it is sheep-shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was missing. ⁸ Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore be favorable toward my men, since we come at a festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them.’”

   ⁹ When David’s men arrived, they gave Nabal this message in David’s name. Then they waited.

Enter the hero of old, David. This was David who has slain Goliath, but note that here in this passage, he is not the king yet. He's still on the run from king Saul, and he's living as a ranger with no home. Yet we can see that though he may be living in the rough and wild, he has held true to his beliefs and honor.

In the chapter before this Saul was pursuing him and trying to take his life, but ended up relieving himself in a cave that David and his men were in. David could have killed him, but instead he cut off a robe to show the king that he had the chance to kill his enemy, but didn't. Saul knew then that David was more righteous than he (24:17), and this was a great victory for David, both in physical and spiritual terms. David did not take revenge into his own hands.

   ¹⁰ Nabal answered David’s servants, “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. ¹¹ Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?”

Like the rich young fool in the parable that Jesus told, Nabal cared only about money. And like the rich man in the parable, Nabal hoarded what he had and thought only of his own wealth, neglecting even his life. If you were to have held this guy at gunpoint and asked him to choose between his money and his life, he'd choose the money. He did in this situation after all... Rich fool. Proverbs 15:1 - "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

   ¹² David’s men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word. ¹³ David said to his men, “Each of you strap on your sword!” So they did, and David strapped his on as well. About four hundred men went up with David, while two hundred stayed with the supplies.

Nabal is headed for disaster. But we need to realise... that so is David. He's about to wipe out all of Nabal's household over something as small as a few loaves of bread.

   ¹⁴ One of the servants told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, “David sent messengers from the wilderness to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. ¹⁵ Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. ¹⁶ Night and day they were a wall around us the whole time we were herding our sheep near them. ¹⁷ Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.”

Having his camp next to David's in the past had been a blessing to Nabal. Here he was living next to a few hundred of the best fighters in the land, and their mere presence was indirectly protecting Nabal and his property. The only ones who could have taken from him were David and his men, but they did not take advantage of the situation. Yet the stiff necked Nabal does nothing when David asks for a favor.

   ¹⁸ Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. ¹⁹ Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.

   ²⁰ As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. ²¹ David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good.²² May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”

Circumstances to not favor David making right decisions. For one, he is angry. Psalm 4:4 warns us saying "In your anger do not sin;" (I find it interesting to note that David wrote this psalm). Secondly, David's mentor and prayer support, Samuel, was dead (verse 1 of this chapter). Third, David had an even higher amount of responsibilities lately: He now had about 600 men under his charge (23:13) and was continuing to protect the country from their enemies, even though the king was after his life (think of Eomer in LOTR). And finally, he had just had a great victory before this incident. He spared Saul's life, he proved himself as a righteous man, he let his guard down, he was about to kill Nabal and all the males belonging to him (verse 34).

David is looking for trouble. The hero is about to fall from grace and glory. And then...

   ²³ When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. ²⁴ She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. ²⁵ Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. ²⁶ And now, my lord, as surely as the LORD your God lives and as you live, since the LORD has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. ²⁷ And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.

   ²⁸ “Please forgive your servant’s presumption. The LORD your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the LORD’s battles, and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live. ²⁹ Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the LORD your God, but the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. ³⁰ When the LORD has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him ruler over Israel, ³¹ my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the LORD your God has brought my lord success, remember your servant.”

This woman's theology is good. She started by doing the opposite of Nabal, bowing before David and speaking with humility. Looking at Abigail and Nabal, we see both sides of the Proverbs 15:1 coin- "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

And then she began her case. She points out that God has kept David from bloodshed and vengeance (v26) as he had done with Saul. Proverbs 4:16 warns of the ways of sinners, "for their feet rush into evil, they are swift to shed blood." and this is exactly what Abigail is telling David not to do. David is fighting the Lord's battles (v28) and as a man of God should not be taking life into his own hands. Romans 12:19, which quotes Deuteronomy 32:35, says "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord."

She points out that David has had a clear conscience thus far, and should not let a matter this small ruin his clear reputation. She reminds him that he is God's chosen king (v30) and that he should trust the Lord to protect him from his enemies (v29) instead of having on his own "conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself."(v31).

Now... Will the future king... who would not stand the lack of hospitality of a man, let a woman correct his mistakes?

   ³² David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me.³³ May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. ³⁴ Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.”

   ³⁵ Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request.”

Abigail didn't just care about her own house. She cared about David, she cared about the future of Israel and its leader, and she cared about matters pertaining to God (v30). In this situation she was the restraining grace that came out of nowhere when circumstances were unfavorable for godliness. Thankfully, David was sharp enough to realise she was the agency God had sent (she provided more than just physical help), and humble enough to accept her godly counsel and repent before it was too late.

   ³⁶ When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing at all until daybreak. ³⁷ Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone. ³⁸About ten days later, the LORD struck Nabal and he died.

Just like what Abigail said in verse 25, 26 and 29, along with what God said in Deuteronomy 32:35 and Romans 12:19... “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

Nuff said.

   ³⁹ When David heard that Nabal was dead, he said, “Praise be to the LORD, who has upheld my cause against Nabal for treating me with contempt. He has kept his servant from doing wrong and has brought Nabal’s wrongdoing down on his own head.”

   Then David sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife. ⁴⁰ His servants went to Carmel and said to Abigail, “David has sent us to you to take you to become his wife.”

David was fascinated with Abigail. He was the singer-songwriter of the 10th century BCE, but here before him was a woman, who had spoken words as poetic as anything he wrote in the book of Psalms; a psalmist outdoing a psalmist.

But more than all that, here was one woman who knew what God's direction for David's life was, and was willing to help him get to that goal, even if it meant opposing him. She supported him directly or indirectly in his leadership over his men and ultimately over the kingdom, and helped him get back on the right track with God when he had strayed.

This, to me, makes Abigail the model wife.

   ⁴¹ She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, “I am your servant and am ready to serve you and wash the feet of my lord’s servants.” ⁴² Abigail quickly got on a donkey and, attended by her five female servants, went with David’s messengers and became his wife. ⁴³ David had also married Ahinoam of Jezreel, and they both were his wives. ⁴⁴ But Saul had given his daughter Michal, David’s wife, to Paltiel son of Laish, who was from Gallim.

David thanked God for Abigail (v32).

God keeps the best wine for last.