A Serious Man

Yesterday I watched A Serious Man for my film and religion module.

It was quite a movie.

I thought it was well made and depressing.

Which means the film-makers wanted it to be depressing, and made it so effectively.

A Serious Man in a modern take on Job in the Bible, who loses everything.

I finally know which movie this picture comes from.

I was thinking about the movie.

So the Job character loses everything he holds dear, one at a time.

All he's left with are his moral beliefs.

But why should he be faithful to his unfaithful wife, especially when his sexy neighbour likes to sunbathe naked in her lawn that his house overlooks? Why should he not take the money that a Korean student leaves behind in his office as a bribe after asking him to change his failing grade so as to not lose his scholarship, especially now that he's running short of cash?

Why does he still try so hard to remain and be... a "serious man"?

Why should I?


I struggled with this last night.

But I eventually came to it that well, it's really not about reasoning. Morals are not something you can explain. It's coming down to faith. Do I believe in God? And if I do, do I love God enough to follow his rules for my life in sickness and in health?

My answer was yes.

In theory at least.


This morning I woke up to an sms from this really pretty girl in class who was so nice that she helped me print and submit my assignment that I did not have the time to hand in. She asked me if I was going to today's lecture on film and religion. I was. She told me she had to rush an assignment and asked if I could help her mark her attendance.

I was going to reply immediately "sure!"

But then I hesitated.

Wait, wasn't this... lying?


Nah, it's just returning a favor. And everyone does that, and it's no big deal anyway, and the lecturer doesn't ever mark attendance anyway.

But it's still... lying.


I was stuck. On one hand I wanted to be right. But on the other hand I wanted to not be an idiot. This girl had helped me so much and I had the nerve to turn her small request down? What was I going to tell her my reason was? My love for God is something I take seriously, but it looks to others like folly.


The words I posted on my blog just yesterday came back to haunt me.



"I'm impressed by you. How you can be so in your face, so yourself, so fearless. Not caring what people think of you, absolutely comfortable with who you are.


I wish I could do that too. I've always wished I could.


But I wished I could be so fearless in being not myself, but in being who I want to be.




Oh Lord, why do I falter in my steps following after you."



If I was looking for a chance to be "In your face" for God, this was it.

Do I love God enough to lose a friend and look like an idiot in front of a girl I wanted to please on His account?


With encouragement from the likes of Kimberly, I picked up the phone, and replied her...

Ai yo why you make me face this kind of moral crisis when I'm trying to be a... a... (for lack of a better expression) "a serious man"?...


In the train I was doing my QT after all was said and done. It spoke of moral uprightness, and I was very moved. I guess this summed it all up.

"Here I stand. I can do no other."

-Luther

As I think about everything that happened before and after the incident, I am so thankful that God intervened.

I would not have even realised I was sinning.