Watershed

I stand at the brink of manhood

And I tremble

The responsibility weighs heavily on my heart

I cannot bear it.

Tears well up in my eyes

I hold them back.

This is my calling

This is my part.

I don't want to be a man

But I am.

The last 2 weeks have been difficult.

But they were but a glimpse of what is to come.

Last night I wrote this poem, because I needed to.


Mom and dad were gone for 2 weeks. Mom and dad will be gone for 2 years.

I now stand at the end of boyhood.

It is not a road I want to run off, but has run out from under my feet.


The past 2 weeks I've tried being the head of a house.

I could barely cope.

Soon I will have a sister to care for too.


I tremble. I really do.

Manhood is before me.

It's frightening.


I lay on my bed and held back tears.

I must be strong.

I must carry on.


Then came today. A speaker from India came to our church named Moses Parmar. He spoke of the work in India, trying to help those who society chooses not to help. The untouchables, the low castes. He spoke of the hardship and persecution.


Then he spoke of this missionary B who one day gave him a call. B was trembling with fear, knowing that that very day people were coming to attack the church he had planted, which his house was next to. After nightfall B called again to say an angry mob of about 200 had gathered outside the church and were breaking windows and smashing down the church walls next door. Moses asked if the family is okay. He said his 2 kids were crying in his lap and his wife was by his side, struggling to breathe under the immense fear. He asked Moses to pray for them.


Moses said he had no idea what to pray. B had been sent like a sheep to a pack of wolves. Quite literally this was the situation. Moses prayed for them in their desperation- it was such a hopeless situation. Moses said it was a prayer without faith. Such were the times. So real was the danger.

Habakkuk 1

 ¹ The prophecy that Habakkuk the prophet received.

Habakkuk’s Complaint

 ² How long, LORD, must I call for help,
   but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
   but you do not save?
 ³ Why do you make me look at injustice?
   Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
   there is strife, and conflict abounds.
 ⁴ Therefore the law is paralyzed,
   and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
   so that justice is perverted.



And then Moses spoke of the oppression of the lower castes. How no one hears of them though they form such huge numbers. Living in absolute poverty, they had no one to speak up for them, and no way out of their pathetic state generation after generation. We've heard of the Dalits, the 250 million untouchables in the nation of India. Now we're hearing of the Shepherds, who are placed only slightly above the Dalits in the caste system, numbering some 150 million people trapped in repeating poverty.


The church is there. God is moving. But how lacking the Indian church is! Who can handle hundreds of millions of people? Who can save them? Nothing. It is impossible. There only hope is if God does exist. And Christians believe so, and they believe that God cares for the lost and lowly, thus they are reaching out to them.


Churches are springing up. 3000 churches. 1000 pastors. How can this need ever be met?


I do not know. But I do know God is moving. It's exactly what Luke 7:22 says of the time Jesus walked the earth, "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor."


Moses Parmar ended saying, "I don't know what He's doing, but I've jumped onboard coz I know it's better to be with God than against him."


I did not hold back my tears this time. This was it.


All my heart goes out to India, time and time again, but I tend to forget, living in the sheltered Singapore. I forget the bigger things in life. 350 million people. People.


I asked Moses about this B missionary. Who was he. His name sounded familiar. That was because he was working in the slums in Kolkata in 2007. That was when I was there. That was when his son was as hyper as Jadon is now. That was when I first carried his infant daughter.


They were the most hospitable family I have ever come across. I love them. And to suddenly hear what they went through welled up so much emotions within me. Yes, they were safe- the mob only destroyed the church and left their house standing... But still... Oh my dear friend B...


I thought being a man was going to be tough yesterday.

I hardly ever imagined this would be so impossible.

John 6:67-69

   ⁶⁷ “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
 ⁶⁸ Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. ⁶⁹ We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I believe in you God. I believe in your work. I believe that your servants such as B and his house do not serve or suffer in vain because you are at work through them.

Lord, I'm with you. Take me.

I give you my life. I give you my wife.

Take me for your work.

"Oh my Lord, to suffer like you do-

It will be a lie to run away."

- Jon Foreman (The Cure for Pain)

The preparation begins now.